Self-confidence. You have probably heard this word many times before.
Especially if you have already been actively involved in the topic of personal development.
Not without good reason, self-confidence is quickly becoming a topic of discussion in this area and for the terms “self-confidence, self-assurance” or “self-esteem” you can find countless hits on Google these days.
One thing that I have been asked again and again as a long-time trainer in the field of personality development is: “Hey, Florian. How do I build up self-confidence?” In the meantime, most people have realized that self-confidence can be something like the holy grail for a better life.
Therefore I would like to share with you in this article the 7 most important rules for a strong self-confidence. All 7 rules are ultimately equally important & the order is arbitrary.
But if you break even one of these rules, it will be very difficult to build up self-confidence and sabotage your self-confidence!
1. Stop Taking Things Personally
People who criticize something do not attack you as a person.
Even if they wanted to. They couldn’t do it at all. Because nobody, really nobody, except yourself, knows you in all your diversity.
What people criticize or criticize are aspects, behaviors, small parts of the big picture.
Stop taking things personally, because very few people criticize this intention.
Instead, be as objective as possible. Reflect.
Surely you can still take something valuable with you. In this way, you can actively prevent yourself from lowering your self-esteem. Even more, you can use the impulses of others to grow and thereby build up self-confidence.
2. Welcome Challenges
If there are two things I have learned, when it comes to achieving something in life, it is this: “Everything in life that is truly desirable needs effort to achieve it” and “It is not a matter of not falling, but of never stopping.”
Of course, both can be applied excellently to the topic of self-confidence.
Keep in mind: Strong self-confidence is not something you just get as a gift. You don’t wake up one morning and you are self-confident.
The truth is: You can only build really strong self-confidence if you face your fears if you do things you have never done before.
The second quote is intended to keep you from falling into the probably deadliest trap of personality development. It will not help you in the long run, if you start for 4 weeks… If you give everything to strengthen your self-confidence and then stop abruptly because you have overextended yourself.
So please remember: It is not about jumping off 5 cliffs every day, but about the fact that the whole thing becomes a never-ending, continuous process of personality development for you.
3. Learn And Develop New Skills
How could you invest better than in yourself? In your knowledge and therefore also in your self-confidence?
A proverb says: If you have read four books on one topic, you already know more than 90% of the population. By then you already have expert status.
The more you learn, read (whether books or blog articles), or watch webinars, the better your brain internalizes the mindset you want to acquire. Sometimes it’s not even the specific words, but the way the book is written, the charisma of the personalities that motivates and strengthens you.
The following applies especially to the topic of self-confidence: The more you read, e.g. success stories of famous people, the more your brain identifies with them. You develop a rock-hard winner mindset.
Through reading and learning, you will get new impulses. Impulses that may motivate you to develop in a new direction that you didn’t even know before. And with every new skill you learn, you automatically contribute to increasing your self-confidence. With each new experience & knowledge you learn, bit by bit, you become more and more confident.
4. Let Go Of What Is Holding You Back
There are moments in your life when you have to learn to say “no”.
“No” to an offer, to a stressful relationship, or a bad environment. It is not always worthwhile in life to want to hold on to everything.
On a second level, this rule means something else. I am talking about your focus. Most people focus on the problem. They only see the problem in front of their inner eye.
But not the desirable goal & the way there, which you can go. If you concentrate on it! Or in the words of Tony Robbins:
“Identify your problems but give your power and energy to solutions”.
So let go of problems that drag you down. Just keep an eye on where you want to arrive. This alone will make it much easier for you to make progress, especially in the area of self-confidence.
5. Build A Strong Environment
Strong self-confidence colors off.
People who want to strengthen their self-confidence & self-esteem or are generally interested in personal development are most likely to be found where they can pursue this.
Just as you are more likely to meet sporty people in the gym, the stadium, or on the soccer field. Events, workshops, and seminars offer you the chance to develop yourself and meet like-minded people!
Of course, it is a good idea to attend a seminar to build up self-confidence. Be open and communicative, then you will be able to build up an environment that does not pull you down but supports you in many ways.
6. Have Clear Goals To Visualize
A technique almost reminiscent of magic and used mainly by top athletes and the super-rich can help you to let your self-confidence and self-esteem shoot through the ceiling in no time.
If you have been dealing with personality development for some time, you may have come across this technique under the name “visualization”. Here you define clear goals and imagine daily in your mind’s eye how you will achieve these goals.
“Whatever you think will happen, it will happen.”
Set a timer to 5–10 minutes. Read your clearly defined goals again as a reminder and close your eyes. Now imagine a situation in which you behave the same way. Feel how it feels to be filled with self-confidence and self-assurance. Do this daily.
7. Be Patient And Learn To Love The Process
One last, but ingenious tip. Always think in systems, not just goals. Imagine you are striving for self-confidence. Can you really be satisfied with yourself as long as you haven’t reached the “end”?
Focusing on the goal instead of the process itself can be very tiring in the long run because your brain is always dissatisfied. Some changes, especially such fundamental character traits as your self-esteem, take time. All your life you have subconsciously nurtured the belief that you are not self-confident.
Within a week you will hardly be able to override this belief. Therefore, don’t set yourself the goal of being self-confident, but to do something every day that will benefit your self-confidence.
Your identity is like a flower. It has to be watered so that it can exist. If you assume that you are self-confident although you are not yet, your subconscious will resist internalizing this identity.
Now it’s time for the implementation. Become active. Do you want self-confidence and strong self-esteem?
Most people mistakenly assume that doing nothing does not require effort. But this is not true. All levels of action consume about the same amount of energy.
If you do nothing for yourself and your success/confidence now, you will need an enormous amount of energy in the future to direct the effects. In this sense:
Make something of it!