The Perpetual Immigrant: When Nowhere Feels Quite Like Home
Home, they say, is where the heart is. But what happens when your heart has lived across continents, carrying with it fragments of different cultures and experiences? My memories shift between the vibrant saris swirling in bustling Indian markets, the sun-drenched beaches of California, and now the cobblestone streets of London. Each move, a bittersweet mix of hellos and goodbyes, has left me questioning where I truly belong.
Transitioning to new places brings the thrill of fresh starts and new horizons. Yet, there’s also the sting of leaving behind the familiar — the beloved faces, cozy cafes, and inside jokes that only your crew gets. It’s like being a perpetual immigrant, never fully fitting in — not even in my homeland.
Leaving India for the US as a young adult changed me profoundly. Growing up there, I saw the world in a singular way. But living abroad shifted my perspectives, making it harder to connect with those back home who haven’t had the same experiences.
“Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life — and travel — leaves marks on you. — Anthony Bourdain”.
Each visit back to India is a bittersweet affair. I am filled with a profound love for my country, yet I see it through a different lens. The rigid social norms surrounding gender roles and religion, once familiar, now feel stifling. The pollution, the piles of trash, and the chaotic traffic are more jarring than I remember. It’s a constant balancing act, trying to reconcile my deep-rooted connection to India with a growing sense of detachment.
In this journey, I’ve developed two distinct modes of operation: one Western, the other Indian. Deep within, I’m a complex fusion of both cultures, constantly navigating the nuances of identity and belonging. I miss the perfect almond croissant from my days in San Francisco, just as I crave the warmth of family gatherings in India.
But where does this leave me? If not India, then where is home? Is it a liberal city that embraces diversity? Is it the warmth of friends and family? Is it the feeling of belonging to a community? Is it the simple act of creating a physical space and cooking a meal that nourishes both body and soul?
It’s not all bad. The moves across continents have been a challenging yet deeply enriching journey. This crash course in global understanding has filled my life with experiences and memories I wouldn’t trade for anything. Yet, the question lingers: Where do I plant my roots? Where do I truly belong?
Perhaps, the answer lies not in choosing one place over another, but in embracing the beautiful collage my life has become. Maybe, “home” isn’t just a physical place anymore. It’s a feeling, a state of mind. It’s the people, the memories, the values that shape us along the way. It’s something we carry with us, wherever life’s crazy journey takes us. 🥂
Have you ever felt like your heart belongs to more than one place? Where do you find your sense of home in an ever-changing world?
