Understanding LBTGQ+

True Story: I Wasn’t Sure if I was Gay but Being Gay is not a Lifestyle Choice!

The day I met an openly gay person for the first time.

Photo by Mia Harvey on Unsplash

I was raised thinking being gay was a lifestyle.

I am from the Caribbean and people from the islands are really against being gay. So it was no surprise that I thought this way too. I was raised in a strict fanatically Christian home and was taught homosexuality was a sin!

There were no openly gay people on my island. Sure, we suspected people were gay and heard rumors but it makes total sense that they remained closeted. I mean…what human being can deal with that kind of persecution. Can you imagine a whole community stoning you because of who you choose to love without ANY support?

Not even another gay person will support them because they were hiding too.

I wasn’t sure if I was gay

Growing up on a homophobic Christian island made me afraid I was going to hell!

As a child, I knew believing that gay people were going to hell felt off and bad.

What did feel good was secretly rubbing my clit with one of my girlfriend's clit at age 12–13 on our ‘play dates.’ Once, we had a ‘play date’ humping each other at church while our moms had bible study. My best friend and I were both developing new boobs so touching and caressing our new lady bumps felt sooo good too.

I wasn’t sure if I was gay. My friend was a girl that was a friend but not my ‘girlfriend’. I considered asking the priest during confession but was afraid he would tell my mom so I decided against it. I knew for damn sure I wasn’t going to ask my mom “why does it feel so good humping my friend and why do our panties get so wet, did I pee myself?” LOL, are you kidding me?!

OMG, She would kill me!

We weren’t allowed to talk about sex or practice sexual curiosities outside of marriage, not even masturbation.

It's no wonder that 6 months after I left the island, I got pregnant at 18 years old in the first semester of my freshman year of college in New York. (Long story)

I prayed ALOT before I told my parents though.

Prayer works!🙏

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

At age 12–13, we were still virgins so we didn’t think our vaginas rubbing together was sex or a real sin. We were not sure if we were gay, I asked my girlfriend and she wasn’t sure either because they never talked about lesbians in the bible.

Sidenote: The bible didn’t say anything about masturbation either. If there is a story about masturbation or lesbians in the bible, I must have missed it.

Is there?

If there is one please let me know.

They only talked about sodomy in the bible and that referred to men. I wonder why? Maybe it was a man who wrote the bible and condoned looking at women making love to each other.

Who knows?!

It is a beautiful sight to behold so I don’t blame them, but it’s still unfair to really make it clear that two men making love is a sin.

The day I met an openly gay person for the first time.

It wasn’t until I went to college in New York that I met an openly gay person for the first time. I was like a detective in an interrogation room or some alien that came down to earth seeing a human for the first time. I had a whole bunch of questions, poor guy🤣

How does it feel to have a penis in your butt?

Does it hurt?

Is one guy the girly one in the relationship?

When did you know you were gay?

Did you secretly wear dresses?

Did you play with barbie dolls or boy toys?

What did your parents say?

Did you date girls to seem normal?

Why did you choose to be gay?

“Referring to a queer person’s “lifestyle choice” is one of the most offensive things you can say to a member of the LGBT+ community. — Anthony Eichy Eichberger

Looking back, I must have sounded like a complete idiot! I really was coming from a positive place and thank God he saw that. So he answered every one of my questions and we spoke for hours!

I don’t remember all the answers but what I do remember was crying with him when he told me his parent disowned him because he was gay. He missed them but when he ‘came out’ to them they said they would pay for his college but he was never allowed to come back home. It was around Thanksgiving and people were flying back to their families. He had no one to fly home to.

I wished I could’ve invited him to my family’s house but they were Caribbean and I was afraid they may say something rude. I ended up going to a “Friendsgiving” with his other gay friends after my family’s thanksgiving. We had an amazing time and we all laughed about all the questions I asked him.

After he told his story on my subway train ride home and I really digested it. I got so angry. Why do people think being gay is a sin?

Why would anyone choose to be alienated by their own families to be gay?

I am still not sure if any of the alphabet in the LGBTQ+ community matches me. I know that I’m a demisexual and sapiosexual married to a man who doesn’t mind wearing skirts. I love people's souls, I don’t care about their age, race, or genitals. What I also know for damn sure is that:

Being gay is not a lifestyle choice!



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Jaja Requa

Jaja Requa

Self-Help Junky, Spiritual Journalist & Lover of Wisdom. I’m committed to touch, move & inspire the world. Join me here https://jajarequa.medium.com/membership