Tis the Season for Forgiveness: Approaching the holidays with a wider lens.
by Dr. Kenneth Silvestri. This article from my vault is still appropriate for this time of year. It was originally posted on my Psychology Today Blog on Nov 19, 2018, and has been updated for Medium and Substack
“We forgive but not forgotten.” — -Nelson Mandela
This holiday season, when rituals and celebrations are plentiful, take the opportunity to look at past hurts with a wider lens. To begin with, it needs to be understood that forgiveness is not condoning or minimizing a hardship we have suffered. This is a major misconception. Forgiveness is, first and foremost, for oneself — to live in the present and not allow past sadness to cause unnecessary pain.
When a grievance is embedded and shows no resolution, our nervous system’s “fight or flight” part becomes revved up. This part of our nervous system is great for reacting to a life-threatening situation but injurious to our mental and physical health. When it is overused, i.e., during the good and, unfortunately, the bad of family and friendship get-togethers, we can lose insight into the meaning of the holiday season. Don’t be the victim. When we have unresolved pain, there is a tendency to act as the victim and create demands of others based on past hurts that we cannot change.
