Where Does Corporate America Stand On Insurrection?

Just wondering.

Nicole Chardenet
Jan 18 · 5 min read
Donald Trump’s face as seen through a half-burnt American flag with a hole, against a flag backdrop
Donald Trump’s face as seen through a half-burnt American flag with a hole, against a flag backdrop
Photo by Marco Verch, Professional Photographer on Flickr, Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

By now, we’ve all seen the familiar blurbs at the top of many corporate or eCommerce website landing pages.

They want you to know they’re serious about keeping their employees safe from a killer virus, or trying to convince you they actually give a crap about their employees if they’ve taken a lot of heat for it otherwise, and that they think Black Lives Matter too.

Some don’t even bother with either of these messages. I found one landing page for a globally-known corporate brand that had neither.

So now I wonder: Where do all these companies stand on insurrection against the government, not to mention terrorism? Seems to me I recall a time not so long ago when Americans peed their panties in fright every time a guy with a beard and a good tan farted.

I can just imagine the brouhaha, the wild kerfuffle in the media if those people had been released on bail.

But you know, when you storm the Capitol, break in with help from the police, come this close to hanging the Vice President, smear your feces like a baboon establishing your territory in the office of the most powerful woman in the land, seek to take hostages, destroy government property, carry vicious racist symbols and hate flags, cry “YOU WILL NOT REPLACE US!” and beat a cop to death, instead of getting shut away in Guantanamo Bay for the rest of your life, you get released on bail.

Point taken: If you buy sunblock, you’re not a terrorist.

Meanwhile, your Fearless Ex-Tweeter, the demented old coot who incited the violence, holes up in the home from which he’s soon to be evicted like a Nouveau Pauvre who lost her job because of the ‘vid, bullying others to join him in his mad plan to reclaim his job through fraud and plotting revenge against those who refused to support him.

And filthy traitors (Republicans — but I repeat myself) still run wild in the streets after having tweeted locations of lawmakers to the baboons.

What are we going to do about him? Oh, yeah, well, impeachment is stupid, I mean, he’s about to leave office anyway, and we can’t 25th him because the Vice President has to do that and Mommy is still cleaning the poop out of his underwear while he hides under the bed sucking his thumb, and hey, maybe it’s time to just move on, move along, nothing to see here, really, there’s no real evidence against the President, not any we’re going to take seriously anyway because ha ha, HE’S WHITE!!! As are most of the Great Patriots and Nationalists who were just blowin’ off a li’l steam.

Okay, whatever.

I never expected anything better from the Republicans. I expect they’ll join the next stormfront with Josh Hawley at their head, all of them waving their tiny dicks in the air and telling themselves they’re impressing the journalists and the ladies with their he-man Tom of Finland-sized manclubs.

So, Corporate America, where do you stand with all of this?

I hope there are mass firings planned for any identified insurrectionists whether they’re arrested or not. After all, you immediately fire anyone found guilty of ever saying something that offended a 14-year-old snowflake. I’ll even go so far as to say that, and this is just my opinion, taking part in a government insurrection is a tad more serious an infraction than being photographed in blackface in 1982.

Black Lives Matter, for sure. So do the lives of Americans that reached eight little Vietnams this weekend when coronavirus deaths passed the 400,000 mark. I’m guessing in another couple of weeks we’ll be halfway to a cool mil.

So yes, you need to tell us where you stand on corporate insurrection.

We know some of you have made a stand already, putting a ‘pause’ on financial contributions to the Republican Party (until this blows over), or to lawmakers still bleating on about their election fraud delusions, or pulling your brand from Donald Trump like the cashier line pulls away from a sniffly unmasked guy who sneezes.

We’d just like to be reassured it’s not all about brand management. That you’re not just pulling your golf tournament because the Trump name has become as appealing to customers as free-floating asbestos.

I mean Deutsche Bank, really? Now you’ve decided to no longer do business with Donald Trump? What, like, you just finally decided this past week that maybe you should rethink loaning money to a guy who owes you $300 million?

Come on, man, you’ll do business with anybody. And I mean ANYBODY. The Russians. Iran. Syria. Libya. Sudan. Terrorists. Drug cartels. Yeah, yeah, we know you’re not the only bank but you’re one of the worst.

No way you just got relijjin about the evils of Donald Trump and the Republican Party.

We’d like to know, Corporate America, that you care about the very basis of our system of democratic government, however imperfect it may be. If I agree with one thing with the insurrectionists, it’s that the U.S. government needs a massive overhaul. We merely disagree on everything beyond that first period.

We’d like to know we can maybe possibly perhaps a tiny little bit trust you, since we’ve known for awhile we can’t trust law enforcement, we know we can’t trust the military, and some of us are holding our breath to see if we can trust the National Guard not to paint targets on Joe Biden’s and Kamala Harris’s chests on Wednesday.

I know it’s only been a little under two weeks since the insurrection, but we’d like to know you don’t have to dither about the glaringly obvious like Republicans who still can’t decide whether to punish the President at all. Who made it clear that even government insurrection isn’t reason enough to impeach a president, while beating up and murdering black people all summer for daring to protest for equal rights.

Remember when they started talking impeachment for a guy who’d had the audacity to win an election while black? They spent years trying to pin something on him, only to find out he was the Dudley Do-Right of America. He never even played around on his wife, for chrissakes.

We’d like to know we can maybe trust you to at least pretend to care about the possibility that your boards have been infiltrated by white supremacists the way damn near every branch of the Executive Office has, except that you intend to do something about it.

Like back it up with real action. If you can fire someone for tweeting a dumb racist joke or for sharing almost-nudie photos of herself or admitting he got high, you can damn well start firing traitors for trying to overthrow the incoming government of lawfully and non-fraudulently elected leaders.

So, Corporate America, what’s your stand on government insurrection? You fur it or agin’ it?

When I’m not screaming “WHAT THE @#$%?” at NBC News every morning and reposting my article on how to move to Canada, I help women reclaim their power on my website, Grow Some Labia.

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Nicole Chardenet

Written by

Self-help centrist in the Murky Middle. Egalitarian & feminism critic. Visit me and reclaim your power on Grow Some Labia! www.nicolechardenet.com

ILLUMINATION-Curated

Outstanding stories objectively and diligently selected by 40+ senior editors on ILLUMINATION

Nicole Chardenet

Written by

Self-help centrist in the Murky Middle. Egalitarian & feminism critic. Visit me and reclaim your power on Grow Some Labia! www.nicolechardenet.com

ILLUMINATION-Curated

Outstanding stories objectively and diligently selected by 40+ senior editors on ILLUMINATION

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