Why I Have Given Up On Friendship With White Women?

Because it’s painfully clear they don’t want to be friends with me

Rebecca
ILLUMINATION-Curated
4 min readSep 1, 2022

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Photo of the author — August 2022

About a month ago, I went to a beautiful wedding in Bilbao, Spain. The bride and groom were truly a good match for each other and it was a privilege to be a part of their special day. Given that the wedding venue was far from the city and that there were limited transportation options, the couple organized a coach for their guests to get there.

My husband had to work that day and couldn’t come to the wedding with me, so I found myself there alone. I knew it wouldn’t be easy being single at a romantic wedding of all places, but I didn’t expect the white women there to make me feel so unwanted, so unwelcome. It made me realize just how much they viscerally hated me, a beautiful, Black woman. Let me share a few examples of what happened.

When I got to the location where the bus was to pick up wedding guests, I had a doubt as to whether I was in the right place. I spotted three white couples in nice clothing who all seemed to be going to a wedding. I approached each one of them and every time, the white woman in the couple would stare up and down at me disapprovingly and turn away. Just in case, I wasn’t wearing sexually provocative clothing. My belief is that they just hated that I was this beautiful, single, Black woman at the wedding and they didn’t want their male partners to have any contact with me whatsoever.

I got a little lonely during the reception but decided not to let that faze me. I boldly walked to a bench, sat down in the gorgeous garden, and focused on the lovely music playing in the background while getting lost in my thoughts. It was a hot day and people started getting tired and also wanted to sit down. I spotted a white couple heading toward me. They asked if they could sit next to me and started making small talk.

I noticed the white woman staring at my face, my breasts, and my legs. Her male partner asked me how I was related to the bride and groom. When I told him, he grew interested in my global health background and started asking me some questions. I answered, making eye contact with both him and her. We spoke about global health actors like the World Health Organization. I was in no way flirtatious with…

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Rebecca
ILLUMINATION-Curated

I write about racism, but there are so many other things I would like to write about instead. Help me dismantle racism so that I can get to that.