Why Life’s Burdens Aren’t the Problem — It’s How You Carry Them
3 simple ways to lighten your load immediately
“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” — former football coach Lou Holtz or maybe C.S. Lewis, it’s not certain
Ever feel like life is just too heavy to handle? I’ve been there many times. But before we get to my three most effective ways to lighten your load immediately, I would like to start with a short story.
In the early years of our marriage, my husband and I backpacked up the mountainous terrain of Colorado. Did I complain as I slogging my heavy pack up the trails? Yes. Was it worth it once we reached our destination? Mostly.
While our backpacking days are behind us, I recently started “viking” — weighted vest walking and it’s got me thinking how much my mindset around carrying heavy things has shifted.
Viking is a hot trend due to its solid benefits for metabolism as well as bone and cardiovascular health. Since I am keen on aging well and fully on board with being strong in all areas of life — mentally, physically, emotionally — I jumped in with both feet.
Mindset Matters
This idea of carrying actual heavy loads brought to mind the famous quote, “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” Regardless of who actually coined the quote, there is no question of it’s truth.
Similarly, the brilliant trauma expert Dr. Gabor Mate explained it this way:
“It’s with our minds that we create our world.”
My mindset around slogging up the mountain was one of enduring the pain to reach the end goal of a hidden lake or a breathtaking view. At the time, it was an uncomfortable, mostly undesirable means to an end.
Fast forward to today, I willingly, and I dare say happily, strap myself into a 25-lb weighted vest to go ‘viking’ to intentionally stress my bones and demand more out of my cardiovascular system to improve my health and strength. I welcome the challenge.
The basic idea of each is the same — I am carrying a heavy load — but my mindset is drastically different in each scenario. And as a pain resolution coach, I couldn’t help but noodle the theoretical bunny trail.
The heavy loads of our lives: jobs lost, ruptured relationships, reverting to unhealthy coping behaviors, unrepairable mistakes, misaligned expectations in marriages, physical pain, heartache. Heaviness that we didn’t ask for and typically would rather live without, yet, the mere fact of being born into human-hood requires we carry heavy things.
However, just like me carrying actual heavy things, our mindset around our unique load matters.
3 Simple Ways to Lighten Your “Load” Immediately
It’s a fallacy that therapists, coaches, and counselors don’t carry heavy loads. All us humans are moving forward, processing our experiences, and using our hard-won wisdom gained through life experience and education to carry them well, or as well as possible.
When a client comes to me and asks in some variation, “how can I make my load lighter?” below is my go-to advice, because it’s the tried and true process I’ve used on myself time and time again.
- Remember, being human involves hard things, and you can do hard things! This is a mindset shift from “this is too much,” to “I can do this!”
You are resilient, it’s part of our brilliant human design.
Study’s show one of the best ways to grow our resiliency is self-love and compassion. Shame and fear shift and we are better able to see the way forward. Our sorrows, our load, when acknowledged and responded to with kindness begin to feel easier to bear. More discernment, less resistance makes for more ease.
Application: Take one hand lovingly to your heart space. Take a few breaths just to feel that this is you, right now, breathing, living, taking in air. Now bring to mind an untrue critical inner narrative that loops in your mind:
I can’t do this
I care too much what others think
I’m hopeless that this will change
Now, flip it on its head with compassion, something you would say to someone you love, because remember, you love yourself! And even if you don’t believe this flip fully quite yet, that is okay. Keep your loving hand on your heart.
This is tough dear one but I know I can do hard things, carry hard things.
What others might think stings, but my heart tells me to stay true to me, even if it’s uncomfortable.
I know this load feels almost unbearable, yet, life’s always evolving and I can too.
Repeat your personal statement as necessary.
2. Choose to see beauty. The effort of carrying a heavy load can cloud our vision of the good. However, it’s vitally important to remember, our big powerful brains are able to direct our attention. And if we don’t intentionally choose to see the beauty, we can get sucked down the vortex of heavy.
Application: Take a brief walk outside if possible, because God’s playground is filled with beauty. But if that isn’t possible, do your best to find a space that you can embody the goodness around you. Use your senses to see the miracle of a bird, cloud, or your pet that loves you unconditionally. Listen for the wind, soft music, or even the beating of your precious heart giving you life. Feel the breeze, sunshine, or the temperature of the air on your skin.
Before you end this moment of sensing, decide what small miracle to wrap in gratitude, choose to feel a deep sense of appreciation. It doesn’t matter how small. It could be the mystery of how a bird moves or that you have a heartbeat, anything. Linger for a few breaths.
Gratitude is a dose of medicine for the soul.
3. “We are all just walking each other home.” The sage Ram Dass said this years ago. I believe we are here to love each other. And yes, as shockingly honest as Ram’s words are, we truly are walking alongside each other to the inevitable end, death. And when we do that lovingly, compassionately, the load becomes much lighter for us both.
“For it is in giving that we receive.” — Saint Francis of Assisi
Remember, you don’t have to carry your load alone.
Application: Seek support. Not everyone is equipped to help you carry your load, including, and sometimes especially your family and friends. Sometimes those closest to us and our load are stuck in their own unhealthy coping strategies.
Therapists, coaches, and counselors are available in-person or virtual with all sorts of backgrounds of their own, wisdom gained only through personal experience, educational backgrounds, and trainings that give them a unique lens to lighten the load of others.
For example, my own heavy load story involves the trauma of adopting my two boys, navigating physical pain, and pulling myself from the pit of nervous system-wreckage. My process of learning to carry my load more skillfully involved trainings in somatic therapeutic movement, Primal Question (take the 5-min quiz HERE to figure out your Primal Question) to discover one’s deepest unmet emotional need, and nervous system rewiring which gives me a specific lens for coaching others. I’m a perfect fit for some, and not others.
The cool thing is, YOU get to decide for you.
Ready to lighten your load? Did something resonate? Give it a try this week and notice the difference. Remember, we are in this together, your insights might just help someone else on their journey! And if you know someone who could benefit from these ideas, don’t forget to share this article with them.
