16 Simple Rules That Can Transform You Forever
Analysing one simple poem for the secret behind success and happiness
A Nobel laureate writer Rudyard Kipling chalked out the best toolkit for success and happiness in a simple poem “If” which was thought to be a general advice to his son in the 19th century.
These golden words should be pasted on your refrigerator or the front door of the restroom so that they're the first thing you encounter every day as you wake up. These perpetually alive words are undoubtedly the best dopamine dose and self-help guide there is.
I have deconstructed the poem down to 16 golden rules to become the best possible version of oneself. In my opinion, everyone should jot them down and revise them time and again so that they may get etched in our souls.
Rule no.1:
Stay calm in situations where your environment forces you to lose your shit.
Mr Kipling starts his advice with this piece. There is a reason for it. You can read all the self-help books, memorize and learn all the manners there are to socialize or become more acceptable but if you cannot keep your temper in check, in times when people lose theirs. If you portray your basic instinctual wildness in alarming or tragic situations then there is no point in going to all those ted talks. It's of no use. To practice the art of staying calm in situations such as these and even more so when people around you are blaming it on you; To be civil and keeping your head straight and your thoughts clear when hell has reeked; is the first step when you truly open yourself to progress. Staying calm and focused help us to steer through those hard times the way we want.
Rule no.2:
Always trust yourself but…. Don't go BLIND!!
Always trust your instincts. Analyse the situation, do your research, work up a solution and then value it. To truly trust yourself you need to make sure that your opinion or solution is an informed one. The one that you formed with enough reasoning. Only then can you innately start to trust yourself. It seems like a piece of cake. But there are situations when all others start doubting you and keep telling you that you are an idiot to be doing things this way. At this point, you should stay silent and keep peddling. You have nothing to lose. In the end, either you’ll enjoy what you wanted or you’ll gain experience and see what went wrong and this will sharpen your wisdom. So, it's a win-win situation. Now, focus on the other half of the rule. Don't go blind. It means always be reasonable along the way. To trust yourself does not mean to shun healthy criticism. You can always gain something useful if you listen to others and analyse it. If the words are worthy enough, you can follow them otherwise just keep on doing things the way you want to.
Rule no.3:
Be Patient
Rule 2 will only work if you know rule 3. Always be patient. Don't haste things. Success, happiness or love, they don't happen in a single night. You have to burn yourself and be patient throughout all the hard times. Never lose hope. This is what trusting yourself means. To know deep down that you are on the right path and keep going patiently. It may take years but if you’ve given your blood to it, know deep down that the only thing left to give is patience. Never be tired of waiting.
Rule no.4:
Never lie, no matter what
When you lie to anyone, it has to go through your conscience. So basically you lie to yourself first. You deflect yourself from reality and then persuade others likewise. Always remember that no one wants to be misinformed. Its the right of every person to be informed well, no matter how bitter it may sound. Its always better to live in a real shit house than a made-up fairyland. And it pays for the person delivering the truth as well. When people notice that you are the kind of person that won't lie. They start trusting you and trust is the cornerstone of every relationship whether personal or professional.
Rule no.5:
Don't hate anyone, even your haters!
If your son comes to you and says that he’ll give up one thing of your choice for the rest of his life. Don't say smoking or going to late night clubs. Tell him to give up hating. Because hate takes a lot of energy. When you hate someone you inherently set a boundary to your vision. You will be unable to receive anything of value. Remember that no one is perfect. To give up hating is to accept every person the way that person is. Or to accept that fate can always surprise. Your vision becomes limitless and your potential for growth increases. Furthermore, do not hate the people that hate you. Your counter hate will only rot you from the inside. Accept them and their opinion in return and observe rule no.2.
Rule no.6:
Don’t put your qualities like makeup to a party!
If you have acknowledged certain good traits within you. Don't try to flex them in front of others. It will push people away from you. Never act as if you are a perfect human being. People don't like perfection. All they want is compatibility and relatability, to feel that others are equally vulnerable. Our imperfections define us. So, don't act like you are all good. Even if it makes you majestic, it will push you away like a sacred place; loved from a distance and only to be visited once in a while.
Rule no.7:
Dream, like a free soul!
This sentence has two very important aspects.
- Dream of all the things you can possibly imagine and then set out the reality making plan for it.
- Be a free soul even after you dream. Don't let your dreams control you.
Dreaming is easy. Your imagination can create wonders. But the truth is that unless we have the determination and will to realize it, it's just like being high on weed. The problem is that when we dream we make many unrealistic expectations. Our dreams try to tell us the things they want from us in order to take a physical form. Sometimes, those things might be contrary to our moral code or demand sacrifices that are too big a price. So unless we analyse the situation carefully, those dreams begin to control us. We stop thinking clearly and get stuck. So, in order to succeed we need to form a healthy relationship with our dreams. We should chalk out the parameters and analyse the struggle that will take to pursue the dream. Sacrificing unrealistically for a fantasy will eventually lead us nowhere.
Rule no. 8:
Think but not for the sake of thinking!
To think before doing is a wise thing to do. But to think without trying to get something practical out of it will lead you to an endless spiral of overthinking. When we try to encompass a situation by thinking we have to assume the future and then there lay countless possibilities. So, we should keep this in mind that to move forward our mind must think enough to stimulate our body to act.
Rule no.9:
Treat success and failure just the same!
Success and Failure are like one of those hot mermaids from the storybook that sits on a rock in the middle of a sea and when you get closer, it eats you alive. What I am trying to say is that success and failure might be poles apart but both of them are temporary. We should always keep this in mind. When we succeed we should not be too complacent or too happy to stop seeing what lies ahead. Yes, to stop for a while for a little celebration is good. But to stop and stagnate yourself over a single triumph will stop your growth. Same goes for failure. Sure, its heart wrenching sometimes. But, we should know that it's temporary and we’ll have to get over it and keep on moving. Our response to these two imposters is what defines us.
Rule no.10:
Have the courage to bear the twisting of your spoken words.
You should make peace with the fact that once the words crawl out of your mouth, you lose control over them. It is now the domain of the ears to allot what meaning they may like to those words. Some people even might do it on purpose to tarnish your reputation. But, beating your head about trying to fix the situation will only make you miserable. Learn to be patient and have the courage to bear this pain. Don't lose your temperament and don't let them get the best of you.
Rule no.11:
Don't cry over spilt milk instead, remake!
When you give your all to pursue a dream, sometimes life has a habit of kicking you right in the hole that you protect the most. And suddenly, all that you've built, comes crashing down like a domino effect. This happens a lot in life. You have to cultivate the strength to build the realization of your dream up with the same tools all over again. You might fail again but you have to keep going until its done.
Rule no.12:
Have the heart of a true gambler!
A true gambler is the one who despite winning a lot, will not shudder for a bit at a pitch and toss point where he’ll have to risk it all. This courage to live on the edge is what drives us to take those risks that make our success noteworthy. If you want to live a mediocre life, then sure, always calculate before you make a move. But if you want to achieve something notable, you have to take big risks. Risks, in which there are equal chances of winning or losing. And just like a true gambler, even if you lose, you start again, risk again if you have to and never let your previous loss stop you.
Rule no.13:
Force yourself through opposing currents!
Ever wondered why so many people aspire to climb the top of K-2 but only a few actually make it there. The rest fall short according to their relative strengths. The same goes for life. Only those people make it to the top who can force themselves against all the blizzards of hardships and still keep their nerves stable and their wills strong. At times when all others fail, and hope seems illogical, and there is only a little voice that keeps telling you to hold on. Believe in that. Because that voice alone will take you to the top where the view is majestic.
Rule no.14:
Value your individuality but don't elevate yourself
We are social creatures and we tend to live in different groups. To coexist we value each other and make adjustments to keep growing as a group. In such cases, it becomes hard to separate your opinions and taste from that of the common. So, its important to take time for yourself and reflect on your individuality. To talk and socialize with your inner self. In the same way, if you are at a position where your individual self becomes crucial for example you are a boss at a company or you hold any other leadership position, while it's easier to highlight your self-interests, you can easily ignore other people. Always value others and try to listen to them especially if you are at a superior position. Never lose the common touch.
Rule no.15:
Don't give anyone power over you!
When we form connections with people, we naturally develop expectations. When those expectations are not met, we get hurt. This may affect our functioning. We should not dwell so much on expectations and be self-sufficient in such a way that no enemy or friend can hurt us. For that, we should respect each other's boundaries so that we may not garner unnecessary expectations. We should not give too much significance to a person that it may cloud our judgment or affect our normal affairs.
Rule no.16:
Always value your time.
Always value each second of your passing time. Not every moment has to be spent on doing something productive. Valuing time means doing everything to the fullest. Don't spend time; live it. The time that you allot to your work, make sure that you stay focused throughout and the time that you decide to rest, make sure that you rest your mind and body without worrying yourself.
These golden rules should be memorised and practised like learning a new skill. As Mr Kipling said to his son in the poem that if he follows these principles, nothing in the world would be out of his grasp and these are the principles that would make him a true man.
I’d like to share the poem so that you may enjoy it.
