3 Rules For Life: A Teenage Memorial
Axioms that laid the foundation of my upbringing
I was recently allured once more by the astounding work of the Canadian clinical psychologist, Jordan B. Peterson, in his book 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote to Chaos.
This piece manages to illuminate, articulate and inspire in a constant manner. It always leaves me curious and intrigued about the nature and meaning of reality, and the underlying principles that ground our individual and collective experiences.
Motivated as I was this time, I turned my exploration lenses inwards and tried to reflect on the past, and especially my adolescence's foundational axioms that guided my thoughts, emotions, and actions.
I was fortunate enough to grow up in a family that engendered spaciousness for thought, emotional expression, authentic reaction, and reciprocal growth. I spent most of my teenage years in a rural location, consisted of well under one thousand individuals, mostly elders. Like the little child in the forefront, my free time involved fixing and playing with toys, bleeding my nose and knees, and hearing stories of old by my grandparents.
A lot of my relatives were highly educated individuals, like teachers and doctors, and growing up alongside them was a transformational process. They armed me with the right behavioral tools, ethical principles, and codes that molded my character and turned me into an individual I’m proud of.
At that time, I couldn’t articulate the patterns I was enacting through learning
and conditioning, but today, as a human going through his 23rd circle around the sun, I’m more than pleased to have figured out a lot of rules I acted out unconsciously. However, my utmost excitement emanates from being able to share it with others, as plainly and explicitly I can, without flirting with ambivalence.
These are three of the most important rules that characterized my teenage years, partly inspired by Peterson’s work, and presented through small stories.
Bargain With The Future
Rural inhabitants in my country are heavily occupied with farm work, like planting, cultivating, performing post-harvest duties, overseeing livestock, and supervising farm labor. Most of the children are deeply engaged in their parent’s work, which allows them to witness first-hand the hardship of livelihood.
The farmers need to be aligned with their natural surroundings if they want to reap what they sow, and ultimately thrive in a future circumstance. Every farmer needs to acknowledge that the struggle is a worthwhile and necessary sacrifice for the future. In a way, they must continuously make a bargain with the future and trust that their sweat won’t fall in vain.
Our fathers made sure that we understood that too.
Not only did I get the point, but it also influenced my daily life. Having direct experience from farm work, I cultivated resilience in the face of adversity and became really disciplined regarding my education and extra-curricular activities.
A Failure provided feedback. A delay was a natural occurrence. A shortcoming was a chance for renewal, and the struggle in the process was necessary. I didn’t know it then, but now, I can see that being on the farms for such a long time changed my perspective and made me thrive in multiple domains when I was a teenager.
Stand On The Shoulders Of Giants
Every summer night, little children used to gather around a bonfire and listen to grandparents telling stories of old. There was one specific old man in form,
but a young man in the soul, whom we will call Mr. John for the sake of the story. Despite his age, he was a stout-hearted chap, and he had a few deep and characteristic wrinkles that reflected his wisdom.
Mr. John was known for his weird stories that encapsulated big chunks of knowledge, hidden from superficial awareness. Even the elderly were coming to hear what he had to say.
Personally, I was in awe every time he began his voyage through time and space, alarmed and present at his every utterance. He used to speak about the importance of voluntary suffering, gratitude, and presence, using cultural and historical references to make his point.
Although I couldn’t understand a philosophy that deep, I was charmed and compelled to start reading books, especially novels, and Mr. John played a huge role in that cause. I used to visit his house, drink chocolate and borrow a new book. Every time I finished one of them, he desired to hear what I had to say in order to help me cultivate my critical thought and articulate patterns inside the novels and history books.
‘All men need to stand on the shoulders of giants’ he used to say.
Our relationship didn’t take long enough to result in historical conversations, as he had witnessed WWII as a child and also participated in Greece’s Civil War. His goal though wasn’t to make me pick sides. Instead, he aspired to encourage me to investigate the past, assess the present, and create my own trail forwards.
‘What do you mean by standing on the shoulders of giants ‘? I mumbled, filled with ignorance.
He said that I should utilize the past, to learn from culture, orient myself properly, and cultivate the audacity to make my own mistakes. ‘Our culture is necessary, not to make us rigid, but to educate us towards our creative endeavor’ he used to say proudly, and after a lot of years, I finally got it.
Doubt But Respect
Growing up in a rural area, I learned to respect our language, customs, and tradition. They didn’t generate fear or a feeling of obligation at all. On the contrary, I was a proud harbinger of their necessity as pillars of society.
With the unique assistance of my relatives, social circle, and Mr.John, I came to be in constant alertness for people who were ready to disintegrate, diminish or demolish a structure for the sake of it. However, I had also cultivated enough critical thought to avoid rigidness and conservatism.
Sometimes it’s easy to get entrenched in the safety that culture, the explored, and the known provide. Meanwhile, it’s compelling to make a free fall into the unexplored, unknown, and chaotic realm where everything gets knocked down, especially as a teenager.
There wasn’t much to preach or articulate as a child about the balance between order and chaos. All I could do was fight relentlessly to conserve the tradition that the elderly had transmitted with simple acts, like dancing to folklore songs, creating traditional food, and re-telling stories of old with a critical viewpoint. Not only that, but I also had to be aware in order not to get drowned in myopic institutional respect.
As a child raised at the dawn of the 21st century, with the rise of technology and dangerous notions like that of radical post-modernism, I had to learn how to doubt the tree's appearance while respecting its roots. I had to keep moving forward, adjusting, doubting, coping while keeping the memories of where I came from vivid and real.
We need to question and embark on the voyage for the unknown, where innovation and progress lie. But what will our foundation be if we lose respect for our roots? Where will we stand if we diminish, disrespect, and doubt everything for the sake of doubt? How will we move forward?
Conclusion
I’m still in the process of realizing my teenage patterns of behavior. It’s a tough process that requires courage and vulnerability because there might be a time that we find something that we don’t like about ourselves. However, there’s wisdom to be found, either in the dark or bright side of our upbringing.
I consider the aforementioned three rules a part of the bright side of my childhood. They accompany me to this day, that’s why I consider their value timeless. They are still axiomatic presuppositions of my thoughts and actions, constantly helping me transcend the boundaries of my rationality and illusion.
It gladdens me to know that the protectors of my childhood made sure to instill in me formal and informal codes, that would ultimately change me into a more disciplined, balanced, responsible, and sober individual, capable of making his own choices. I feel that this should be the true purpose of our upbringing.
I also feel extremely grateful that professionals like Jordan B. Peterson, dare to dig deep into human psychology in order to inspire us to explore and question, armed with our ancestor’s wisdom and our youth’s creativity.
