3 Things That Helped Me Overcome My Perfectionism
I have struggled with perfectionism most of my life.
It affected me at my work in a bank, and later when I started as a writer.
Recently, though, I have managed to overcome it by 75–80%. I say it with calm and assurance, and not to brag.
As regards the balance, I want to retain it because there is something good too about perfectionism as I found.
First, an incident from some years ago that illustrates how much I struggled with perfectionism until recently.
I was publishing my book at that time, and so tinkering with the nitty-gritty of the cover — the color, the font, the subtitle, etc.
My mother, usually a patient person, off-hand mentioned one day, “Once your cover is finalized, we will visit (a spiritual place) for blessings.”
Her off-hand comment — and the fact that she has never pressurized me for anything — shook me, of how I was acting out my perfectionism.
I had put in 1 month on the book cover and yet was nowhere close to finalizing it!
After her remark, I closed out the cover soon, and we visited the place for blessings.
Over time, I have come to three insights/habits that have helped me overcome my perfectionism considerably.
I have been practicing them for 2–3 years now.
1. Perfectionism helps us to do work of a certain standard
Contrary to it all being negative, perfectionism can be a good thing in the sense that it helps us to do work of a certain standard.
It isn’t a negative per se.
In the book “Deep Work”, Cal Newport writes how the world increasingly values work that is of a high standard. A work where the creator has put in the time and effort.
We might debate the terminology, but it embodies perfectionism in some form.
At another level, today, we frequently search on Wikipedia for articles and events. We trust it for its comprehensiveness.
Less known is the fact that Wikipedia articles undergo frequent edits and revisions.
We might call it keeping the article up-to-date. But it can also be seen as a form of perfectionism in maintaining comprehensiveness and accuracy.
At work, it would mean knowing which items are important, and giving sufficient time to those.
It could be a major project, a report that the boss asked, a key initiative affecting a large number of customers, a communication being sent to all customers, etc.
So, perfectionism isn’t all bad.
It is just that one needs to learn how to benefit from perfectionism while avoiding the emotional exhaustion associated with it. We shouldn’t let it stall and trap us in the nitty-gritty of things.
That is where the remaining two insights will help.
2. Set a constraint
This is a practical tip for managing perfectionism.
Before starting any task, put in a constraint.
Constraints can be in the form of a deadline, budget, place, people, etc.
Some Examples
1. You can strive to create the perfect presentation … as long as it is ready 2 hours before the scheduled meeting.
2. You can try to write the best article … as long as you publish an article every Monday.
3. You can get creative, and initiate 10’s of things at work … as long as you leave the office by X time.
4. You can aim for the perfect party … as long it is within Y budget.
5. We can go to any place for vacation … as long as we return within 3 days.
Call it psychology, but the constraint acts as a liberating quality.
We are free — free for two hours / 3 days / free for Y money — whatever the constraint, to indulge our perfectionism!
And as the constraints are set by us when we have a better perspective, we view it favorably.
This approach has been of great help to me.
I now consciously try to incorporate some constraints before starting on a task or a project.
3. Long-term change in my outlook
A long-term change in my outlook happened when I came across the following from the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck,’ by Mark Manson. He writes,
“Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new, we don’t go from ‘wrong’ to ‘right.’ Rather we go from wrong to slightly less wrong. And when we learn something additional, we go from slightly less wrong to slightly less wrong than that, and then even less wrong than that, and so on. We are always in the process of approaching truth and perfection without actually ever reaching truth or perfection.” — Mark Manson
I have personally found this thought — incremental improvement is the way things get better — very liberating.
This can help us in many areas.
As an Individual
One can apply it to any job that one does, whether writing an article, preparing for a meeting, planning an event, etc.
There will always be another opportunity, no need to obsess over every detail.
As a Manager
You can apply this to delegation.
If you find it hard to delegate, you can look at it as: Your staff will do the job at 75% quality. You will do it at 90%. Tomorrow you will improve a bit, and they will improve a bit too. It is all a continuum.
Likewise, if a meeting/offsite doesn’t go as planned, you need not beat yourself up. There will always be another occasion to correct it.
As an Entrepreneur
Whether you are building a website, an app, or making a sales pitch, this observation will help you to loosen up.
Look at any app, any service — with time, every one of those changed, pivoted, improved. That is the nature of things.
No need to put in countless hours on trying to get everything right the first time.
This insight has helped to reduce my perfectionist tendencies and be more forgiving of myself and others.
In fact, the more relaxed I am, the better I perform on the occasion.
Conclusion
- Perfectionism is not a negative per se. It helps us to do work of a certain standard.
- Set a constraint before starting any task. Constraints can be of time, money, place, etc.
- Incremental improvement is the way things get better.
Today, as an solopreneur, I explore avenues. I also volunteer for tasks in my community.
I sense a lightness, both mentally and physically, free from the constraints of my past perfectionism.
And when I do put in time to make something better, I know I am doing it of my free will, and not because of my perfectionism.
I keep a constraint in tasks at all times, to ensure I continue to get better.
I hope the above 3 insights/habits help you too to overcome your perfectionism.
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