4 More Reasons Why It’s Pointless to Listen to People’s Opinions of You
To know someone is to understand them. To understand is to have no more thoughts(opinions) about the person.
People’s opinions of you are a manifestation of their limitations.
You’ve probably heard this before. This might not be the first time you’re hearing this. But we have to say it until it has sunk so deeply into the very essence of who you are that you needn’t be reminded anymore.
The way you are with one person is not how you are with another.
At any point in time, people only get glimpses of who you are. And those glimpses, in most cases, are usually a reflection of their behavior.
If a person is disrespectful towards you, you will be guarded around them. So what they’ll get from you will be a version of you biased by their very behavior.
So even their very experience of who you are will be limited. And in return, the way they talk about you will be limited as well.
To know someone is to understand. To understand is to have no more thoughts about a subject.
Do you remember a time, back in school at the end of a lecture when the teacher asked: “Does anyone have questions?” And one of these three things happened:
Either you had a question, so you put up your hand to ask the question. Or you were too shy to ask, so you thought about it but decided you will ask a friend after class, or third, you understood everything the teacher taught so you had absolutely no questions for them.
You didn’t have questions because you had no more thoughts about the subject. And your mind went totally silent because you understood the topic entirely. That’s what understanding does to the human mind.
When there is a total understanding of another person, the mind goes perfectly silent.
So to even have an opinion of another human being is to say, at a subconscious level, that you don’t understand who that person is.
Don’t believe people’s opinions of who are. They have nothing to do with you. They are born out of a mind that doesn’t know that it doesn’t know you. A mind that doesn’t know that it hasn’t understood.
Opinions are not experiences.
To experience something is to live through it. Some opinions are born out of our experience, but they still don’t describe the truth of who a person is.
If you were mean towards your roommate, the statement “my roommate is a mean person.” is still not accurate. The statement, “My roommate was mean to me two days ago,” is closer to the truth of their experience.
For someone to describe you as a mean person is to label you as a person indulged in extremely dubious behavior in every second of your life, and that’s just not true. No one is that consistently evil.
People’s opinions of you have nothing to do with who you are, they are a manifestation of the limitation of thoughts.
Thoughts can try to point towards an experience. They are not the experience itself. Thoughts are not the truth. They are pointers to the truth.
People’s opinions are masking their deepest desires.
This can be seen in most traditions and cultures. People masked their opinions into traditions. Traditions that have been passed down for generations.
In my culture, for example, little girls were judged based on whether they upheld our culture’s traditions.
The traditions were passed down as ominous crazy statements. Statements didn’t sound crazy when I first heard them. Statements like: “a woman does not get tired.” or “a woman kneels while greeting her elders and her husband.” or “a good woman does not talk back.”
But when you look underneath all the norms and traditions and rules that have been superimposed on you under the guise of culture, you can see people’s deepest, darkest desires as clear as day.
You can see men who want women to bend over backward just to take care of them, a people who derive a sense of satisfaction from the way a woman demeans herself just to greet them, and a culture that desires to never be held accountable for how badly they talk to their women.
You can see their deepest, darkest desires as clear as day — hiding behind their opinions. Opinions they carefully masked behind generations and generations of inherited traditions and norms.
People’s opinions have absolutely nothing to do with who you are. But they have everything to do with who they are.
See, people’s opinions of you are born out of their inability to have a deep experience of you. They are what’s left behind when people refuse to take the time to understand you, but at a deeper level, people’s opinions are but masks they use to cover their deepest, darkest desires.
People’s opinions of you are a subtle way of saying: “Be this way because it’s what I want from you. It’s what makes me comfortable.”