4 Not-So-Drastic Changes I Made to Live a More Values-Aligned Life
These small, intentional changes can reap big rewards.
Last year, I found myself falling into an anxiety-inducing existential crisis. I wasn’t wholly unhappy, but I wasn’t really happy either.
I was lost.
My husband and I had been living in New York City since early 2020. While we were learning to love the city, we had ended up there out of necessity (where we could both get jobs) versus choice.
As for many people, the pandemic made me reevaluate what I actually wanted out of life. I found the transition from home-cooked meals & game nights back to expensive outings of eating & drinking to be a challenge.
While I never again want to be quarantined in a one-bedroom apartment for months on end, the experience did show me how my ideal lifestyle and the hustle & bustle of the Big Apple were pretty misaligned.
I realized — with the help of my coach — that purely moving to a new city without taking time to think about why —that is, running from versus running to — would likely just land me in a similar situation.
She introduced me to the concept of values, and I set to work on designing my values-aligned life, starting with the steps outlined below:
I not only identified — but defined — my values
Look at any long list of values, and you can probably relate to the majority of them.
Prioritization & definition of values is key. It’s not meant to tie you to the only things that matter to you, but to help you understand why those things are important.
This is why I always ask my coaching clients to whittle down their values to a top 2 or 3 and get clear about what those values mean to them.
My core values are:
- Compassion: This value represents the importance that I place on deep empathy and caring for others. It also reminds me to have compassion for myself — finding balance over perfectionism.
- Curiosity: For me, curiosity reflects a desire to always be learning, growing, and adapting. It also highlights a curiosity in my own thoughts & emotions to support a more reflective & responsive versus reactionary nature.
- Connection: Connection is the ultimate goal. It’s what brings true joy, contentment, and fulfillment. To me, nothing feels better than finding a new, deep connection whether it’s through personal self-reflection, engaging conversations, or a walk in nature. It allows you to look beyond the self.
As you can see, going one level deeper to actually define what a value means to you exposes the whys that can help guide your life decisions.
Anchoring in values provides flexibility in your life. There’s no one set path, no one thing you have to achieve — just ways of being that you want to honor and embody.
I found new hobbies
Between work, chores, working out & going out with friends, I realized that my energy was being depleted without a method for replenishing it.
My go-to ‘relaxation’ was binge-watching reality TV — which I still enjoy to this day, but in more moderation. It wasn’t actually re-energizing.
I noticed that I was lacking in my curiosity — frankly, I’d gotten lazy in exploring new activities. I was also disconnected from myself — allowing underlying anxiety to drive my decisions versus my actual wants & needs.
I set out to find activities that would work with my schedule and feed my core values as defined above:
- Zumba: I love being active and being outside, but I am definitely not a runner. I found a Zumba class in the park near my house and made it part of my Saturday morning routine. It brought me a connection to both my body, my community, and nature, and it got me out of my head.
- Coaching Class: I enrolled in a coaching certification program so that I could start incorporating compassion more regularly into my life — and maybe eventually, my career.
- Writing: I started writing on Medium with no expectations or end goal — just a desire to tap back into something that I love. Writing hits all three of my core values: exploring compassion for myself & others; getting curious about myself & the world; and connecting with readers.
- Alternative Weekend Activities: I put more effort into planning adventures for my husband and me as opposed to relying on the typical go-to entertainment of going out to eat with friends. Rock climbing, hikes, Broadway shows — we started taking more advantage of the diverse offerings of the city.
While starting a new hobby can feel daunting — whether it’s the time commitment or the fear of being new — it brings novelty back into life.
You’ll start to notice how much more time you have than you thought. When you really want to do something, you make the time.
I started exploring my career options
My job was a big impetus for much of my self-reflection and questioning of the meaning of life. However, I didn’t want to just blindly jump ship.
I realized that it was going to take some time to figure out what it was that I really wanted. There is no immediate fix.
I work in consulting, so my job is project based. As I wound down from a long-term project, I took time to reflect on what I needed in the short term that I could feasibly find within my current company.
If I was going to be doing a lot of personal self-reflection, I needed stability, manageable hours, and a team that I trusted. With these non-negotiables in my mind, I was better able to evaluate opportunities, as opposed to relying solely on a gut feeling or letting other external factors influence me.
Once my shorter-term solution was in place, I could start my exploration by talking to people in areas that I was interested in, researching on my own, and listening openly to what I really wanted to do in order to best utilize my strengths and interests.
It’s been a year, and I’ve made a lot of progress, but I’m still in my ‘short-term’ solution role — and I’m more than okay with that.
I am slowly working on building up my skills and credentials in my free time, learning more and more about different opportunities, and appreciating the stability and comradery of my current job.
I am less focused on an ultimate end goal — the job, position, or trajectory. Instead, I’m anchored on how I can bring my values & strengths to my job every day, which brings me more joy and fulfillment every day.
I changed my environment
Yes, at the end of the day, we did leave New York. But — on the theme — we took our time.
We started with a big list and narrowed it down based on our values, adapting as plans did not go our way.
We settled on Miami — it had sunshine, ample outdoor activities, an existing community, and proximity (more or less) to family.
We decided to buy a house — and it fell through, throwing us into 3 months of nomadic life that ended up being a blessing in disguise as we spent significant time with family & old friends.
We missed out on apartments, had a job change from my husband, and ultimately rolled with the punches, knowing why we were doing it all.
We arrived a week ago, and — while no move is without its stresses & hiccups — so far it feels like home.
While not everyone has the ability or desire to make such a drastic environmental change, you can explore little ways to change your surroundings to better align with your values and needs:
- Declutter your space: Getting rid of things you don’t need that are just taking up space — physically and mentally — is refreshing.
- Move your furniture: You don’t need a big budget or new decor to mix up your living space — change the energy flow by shifting things around.
- Move within your city: In our first year in New York City, we decided to move from downtown to the Upper West Side to be closer to Central Park and in a more calm area. While moving has its costs, we ultimately paid less in rent (and were much happier!).
If you’re anything like me, your environment has a big influence on your energy and mindset.
Find ways to make your surroundings add to your overall health & wellness, not increase your stress.
The Takeaway
The biggest lesson that I learned throughout this last year is to be patient.
When you feel angst, resistance, or reactivity — whether it’s related to your job, living situation, or general day-to-day life — take time to get curious.
This is much easier said than done. We want change now.
We think we know what we want, but chances are you’re just running to the opposite of your current situation.
The beauty of slowing down is that you might not end up having to change as much as you think.
While I ultimately made a big move, I was already significantly more content in NYC than I had ever been.
The more time you invest now, the more it will pay off. Stop viewing your current life as just the next step towards some final goal — reframe it as an ongoing journey that’s happening right now.
Because if you’re living your values, you’re already being the person that you want to be. Job titles, achievements, experiences, and acquisitions are just external representations of what you prioritize, invest in, and value.
To build confidence and connection through a values-aligned, purpose-drive life, Follow Alex Stanton on Medium/ @stantoncoaching on IG
