5 Mental Models for Life That Will Catapult Your Growth
What you’re about to learn is not just some training. It’s a way of life.
There are no rules to life, but there are guiding principles that make life more fulfilling and enjoyable.
As a textbook ambivert, I can easily alternate between social settings and my inner cave — I thrive equally in front of people and audiences, as much I do in isolation where I can listen to my own inner voice and activate my creativity.
What you’re about to learn is not just some training. It’s a way of life.
These foundational principles and mental models that I’ve collected over my 39 years on this planet are like superpowers to navigate the vast complexities of life and make sense of it all.
In this first part of the series, I’ll break down the top 5 mental models that have enabled me to go beyond merely adopting a growth mindset — and develop models for thinking and behaving that have been game changers in my life and career.
These learnings didn’t happen overnight, and quite honestly most of them required years of trial and error, constantly iterating and re-learning them through different lenses and experiences.
I’m sharing these gold nuggets with you, and examples of how they have helped me:
- drastically reduce overwhelm
- unlock possibilities beyond my imagination
- navigate ambiguity
- expand my thinking
- and allow people to gravitate to me
So, let’s dig in…
#1: Everything in life is a paradox.
You’ve heard the old rule that “life is a paradox”, full of contradictions or absurdities. Push and pull, expansions and contractions, yin and yang.
Bubble burst: The more we try to control things, the less control we actually have.
Embracing paradox means being comfortable with the tension between seemingly opposing ideas. It’s about seeing the world in infinite shades of colors, rather than black and white (or even gray).
By embracing paradox, we can expand our thinking and find new solutions to old problems.
Example: If you’ve ever had a second of effective meditation (you don’t have to be a yogi, you could also have a meditative thought), you know the power of paying attention to the present moment while releasing judgement — it’s about noticing the paradoxical nature of our experience.
We can feel both happy and sad at the same time.
The world is both beautiful and chaotic.
We can embrace the tension of opposites and develop greater self-awareness, which leads to a cultivated balanced perspective one life.
Albert Einstein famously said:
“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind, at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.”
#2: It’s not either/or… it’s both/and.
Now that you’ve embraced the paradoxical complexities of life, it’s time to expand your thinking even further.
The both/and model is about moving beyond the either/or choices of “this or that”, and instead seeing things as both “this and that”.
The both/and allows us to see beyond the binary and find more creative solutions to complex problems.
Perhaps you’re stuck in decision-making, or don’t feel comfortable giving up something for another. Or maybe you’re focusing too narrowly on finding a specific solution to your perceived problem.
By activating empathy to the both/and, we can put ourselves in other shoes and see the world from alternate perspective.
Example: Deciding between healthy and junk food for lunch? Instead of looking at the binary opposites of those options, you have the agency to choose healthy options in junk food, and fast food in healthy options. It’s not an either/or… it can be a both/and.
Just like the paradox principle, there are infinite options and alternative perspectives to play with — or even combine and experiment with them to find solutions that allow us to feel intuitively confident and prepared to implement.
Human eyes see RGB (red, green, and blue), and yet we can both/and distinguish combinations of colors. Yellow is both/and comprised of red and green, just like the color purple is both/and red and blue.
You’re getting the hang of this.
#3: Seeing beyond the binary → towards a continuum.
Just like in the first two models, the “continuum vs. binary” model recognizes that many things in life exist on a spectrum, rather than in simple binary categories.
You can imagine this on a linear line, like a spectrum — or nonlinear, like a dial.
By perceiving our choices, options, and behaviors on a spectrum, we can embrace complexity and avoid oversimplification, so we can better understand and appreciate the nuances of the world around us.
Our human psyche allows us to increase or decrease the degree of our perceptions. Let me explain…
Instead of narrowing our vision to the binary options we perceive, we can expand our judgement that unlock options beyond the yes/no answers we are accustomed to.
A pro tip for embracing this model is to shift from asking yes/no closed questions → and instead start with “to what extent…?” or “to what degree…?”.
Example: It’s 2023, and hopefully the majority of us are at least aware (we don’t have to agree) of the gender spectrum. Gender is a social construct that goes beyond just the binary of male and female, and exists on a continuum of intersectionality. Some people (no pressure, you’ll get used to it) prefer to identify as genders different than their assigned sex at birth — they have options that include transgender, cisgender, agender, non-binary, and so on. Again, you don’t have to agree, but they do in fact both/and exist : )
The point is that how these options intersect creates a unique perspective and challenges.
“When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow.”
― Ursula K. Le Guin
By embracing the continuum, we can better understand the world and find supportive solutions to our problems.
Those who have maturely developed emotions know that beyond good-bad / happy-sad emotions there exists a spectrum of emotions with a myriad of nuanced descriptions. Go explore those.
Instead of asking yourself “am I enjoying this article?”, get curious about “to what degree am I enjoying this article?”. That will lead you out of the binary yes/no options and put you on the continuum of infinite options. You can like this article from negative numbers all the way to infinity (and beyond).
Go on, give it a like and follow 🙃.
#4: Convergent vs. Divergent thinking.
This model is about exploring possibilities before settling on a solution. Psychologist J. P. Guilford created the terms “convergent and divergent thinking” in 1956 in his psychometric studies of human intelligence.
Convergent thinking involves generating multiple ideas or solutions, and then narrowing them down through a process of elimination to reach one well-defined solution to a problem. It’s quick, certain, and linear.
Contrastingly, divergent thinking is about assessing the problem and creatively generating (and even accepting) that multiple solutions exist.
Example: Divergent thinking sounds like “what are my options for using this fork in my hand?”. Convergent thinking sounds more like “I wonder how many ways I can use this fork.” Remember that brain teaser that instructs you to draw lines across a table without lifting your pen off… convergent thinkers know that the solution exists beyond the perceived plane.
Just as with the previous models, this one provides options to embrace multiple alternatives beyond the perceived obvious ones we see.
The power in this model is in creatively exploring possibilities before reaching a solution.
It allows us to innovate solutions rather than settle for the low hanging ones. Through creative brainstorming, we can apply this model to refining our understanding of the problem and reimagining ideas that lead to solutions.
Experiment with it, and get comfortable in the ambiguity of both/and divergent and convergent thinking
#5: Balance vs. Harmony: Find your equilibrium.
The balance vs. harmony model is all about finding your equilibrium in life.
You see, balance involves keeping things in equal proportion.
We most commonly use this in the “high ick-factor” area of “work-life balance”. That’s a setup for failure — don’t fall down that rabbit hole.
Alternatively, seeking harmony involves blending different elements together in a pleasing way.
Example: Let’s go with the overrated and high-ick-factor example of work-life balance. Anyone who has worked more than a day in their life knows that there is no such thing. Work is a part of life, and life is a part of work — regardless of what your work is or your source of income. By aiming for balance between our work and personal lives, we will almost always conclude an unsustainable approach to presenting our best in both areas. Instead, we can seek harmony by finding ways to integrate our work and personal passions, leading to more fulfillment and meaningful lives.
Self-care is another great example of this — taking care of our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs while finding ways to integrate these elements into our daily lives.
Beyond long baths and massages, self-care is about prioritizing our health and well-being, deeper needs, seeking fulfillment, and doing so while simultaneously pursuing our individual passions and interests.
Balance aims to achieve equality. Harmony aims for an equilibrium of combined elements that complement one another.
BONUS: Ask How > Why
The How > Why model is about focusing on the process rather than the outcome.
As an ambivert, I love love love my time in isolation, refilling my cup, and exploring philosophically in my mind cave. And I’ve learned over and over again that the antidote to my overthinking is a simple switch:
Instead of focusing on the “why?”, which takes me down rabbit holes, twists, and turns in my mind — I immediately switch to asking myself “how?”.
Instead of asking “why” I am the way I am, I ask “how” questions like “how can I be more of who I want to be?”.
Asking “how” empowers us to focus on the process of what happens, cultivating a growth mindset and embracing the learning process involved.
It helps us stay motivated and persistent in the face of challenges and setbacks.
It activates our growth mindset and increases an internal belief that our innate abilities and intelligence can be developed through deliberate and focused practice.
It catalyzes our intrinsic motivation and enables a more effective accountability process, as I outlined in my previous piece about reclaiming accountability.
The secret of the HOW process is in practicing deliberate practice, which involves breaking down a skills or task into small, manageable steps, and focusing on improving each step through deliberate and focused practice.
This way, we can become more skilled and confident in our abilities, unlock our potential, and achieve our goals more effortlessly.
Bringing it all together:
The compound effect of applying these mental models and principles can help us navigate the complexities and uncertainties of life, and unlock new possibilities for growth and fulfillment.
By embracing the polarities of paradox, expanding our thinking, embracing complexity, exploring possibilities, and finding an equilibrium — we can develop a more harmonious approach to life. And by focusing on the HOW process, we can cultivate an intrinsic growth mindset and unlock our full potential.
Remember: pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.
Reader: If you enjoyed this piece, go on and give it a like, and follow for more to come.
