SELF EMPOWERMENT
A Letter to My Younger Self Who Took Body Shaming Too Seriously
Lessons from a journey from self-hate to self-love.
They told me I was fat.
They told me I ate too much.
They told me I had acne.
I told them to keep their noses to themselves.
Who is the society to put me at war with myself? Who gave people the right to make me feel bad about the way I look?
These were the questions I wish I had asked myself before putting my mind and body through insane torture. Here’s what I learned.
1. You don’t owe them any explanations
My body belongs to me. Nobody, apart from myself can question me about the choices I make for it.
I am not harming them by eating more than they do or indulging in my favorite food or by not completing a marathon every day.
Yes, I understand that obesity is a cause for many diseases, but are they shaming me because they’re worried about me? No.
Should they be the ones to decide whether I want to save myself from those diseases or not? No.
Then why was I giving them so much power over myself? On my mind, my choices? If there’s anyone I should explain to, its myself!
2. They will never be happy
The weird thing about the society is that it will never be happy, no matter what you do. If you’re big, they’ll call you fat and tell you to eat less. If you’re small, they’ll call you skinny and tell you to eat more.
If you work out, they’ll tell you that girls should not lift weight. If you don’t work out, they’ll call you lazy.
Is this double standard worth your energy? Shouldn’t you be focusing on yourself, your goals and where you want to see yourself in the next 5 to 10 years?
3. The social media is fake
Do NOT compare yourself to the models and influencers on social media. They are presenting themselves on the internet, in front of the whole world. They have to be their best selves since their bread and butter depends on it.
You cannot compare your complete self with someone’s best self! Even if the society does, you tell it to mind its own business.
You fight and confront them with facts about social media being fake (Shout out to Grace Leverich for this amazing story). You show them the videos where the influencers themselves have shown the complete picture to the world.
You show them articles like this (thank you AryaG for uncovering the ugly side of social media filters).
You do not let yourself down in hopes of living up to the society’s expectations!
4. Beauty standards are constantly changing
There was a time when chubbiness was a sign of wealth. When people disliked the so-called beauty standards we know today. What is fat today was beautiful back then.
I didn’t even know what hip dips were before the society and the internet told me to get rid of them!
People want hourglass today, they’ll want triangle a few years later. If you set out to please the society, you will have to constantly change as well.
Focus on being the best version of yourself, not the best version of the society.
5. The right one will find you at the right time
You won’t find a good guy.
Boys don’t like to marry fat girls.
Ok, this one might not apply to everyone, but I have heard this a million times and I am sure other girls who belong to third world countries like me will find this relatable.
But trust me, when the time comes, the right guy will find you and he will love you with all his heart no matter how you look. He will probably encourage you to take care of yourself, but he will never criticize you, or force you to change yourself for him.
The solution? Don’t let their words get to you. Like “Little Mix” says
Don’t let what they say, keep you up at night
And if they give you-, shh Then they can walk on by
Do what you like and make your own choices.
Nobody has the right to ask you to change yourself for them. You understand me? Nobody! You are beautiful just the way you are.
I know it’s hard, but trust me, everybody has something unique that the world can’t put its fingers on. Once people figure out that uniqueness, they’re all going to come to you, wanting to be your friends.
