5 Things to Do When You Have a Bad Day and You Want to Feel Better
#3 Buy happiness: not things, but experiences.
I was lucky to have watched Shawn Achor’s Ted Talk and read his book The Happiness Advantage.
The book gave me the tools that helped me in my darkest and most embarrassing days. That’s why most of the suggestions I listed here are inspired by the lessons I learned from it.
I’m not the happiest person in the world. But I can feel happy anytime if I choose to. And so can you.
Here, I’ll share with you what I do to infuse happiness and positivity in my day.
#1 Write at least three things you’re grateful for.
I’ve been doing this for almost 5 years now.
I started in 2017 when I was at one of the lowest moments in my life. I had no money to pay my rent.
Some days I had nothing to eat — I had to check my jeans’ pockets hoping to find some coins so I could buy a meal. I kept my sanity during those times by forcing myself to write at least three things I’m grateful for.
It’s hard.
It’s hard to be grateful when you only have one boiled egg, and you need to cut it in half so you can eat one for breakfast and one for lunch (as a partner for a cup of rice).
I survived those moments by not giving in to complaining, but by asking myself, “Despite everything, what am I thankful for?” I kept reminding myself, “Whatever your situation is, many people still find it heaven. Think of the beggars in the street. Think of the people lying on their deathbed wishing for a second chance to live. You’re still lucky. You still have a roof on your head. And most importantly, you’re still sane.”
By writing at least three things that I’m grateful for, I forced myself to notice and acknowledge the brighter side of my situation. Just like what Epictetus said, “Every event has two handles. One by which it can be carried, and one by which it can’t.” Which one will you grab?
“Every event has two handles. One by which it can be carried, and one by which it can’t.”
- Epictetus
I didn’t only write big things to be thankful for in my journal. I also give thanks to some blessings I often fail to appreciate: I still have something to eat. I still have many people to ask for help if I accept defeat and swallow my pride. I still am thankful that I experienced failures while I’m still young. I can still recover from those failures.
Whatever things I write to thank for, I try to feel the sensations of being thankful. This seems obvious. But it’s not always the case. Saying thank you doesn’t always lead to feeling thankful. Because it’s not about what we say. It’s about what we feel.
The ability to feel gratitude at any moment is a superpower that’s free to us.
I wish more people knew about this. And I wish that many of those people who knew about this will actually do it.
#2 Mindful breathing for 5 minutes
There are many ways you can perform mindful breathing. What works for me now is a method from Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, You Are Here, where he wrote:
“As you breathe in, you say to yourself, ‘Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in.’ When you do this, the energy of mindfulness embraces your in-breath, just like sunlight touching the leaves and branches of a tree. The light of mindfulness is content just to be there and embrace the breath, without doing it any violence, without intervening directly. As you breathe out, you can gently say, “Breathing out, I know that I am breathing out.’”
Treat your in-breath and out-breath with respect. Let it be as it is.
“You breathe in — there’s an in-breath, that’s all. If the in-breath is short, let it be short. You don’t need to judge. Just note very simply: my in-breath is short and I know that it is short. Do not try to make it longer. If the in-breath is long, let it be long. Do not intervene, or force either your in-breath or your out-breath.”
I feel a sense of calm and contentment every time I finish a mindful breathing session. I feel lighter and relaxed and replenished.
“It provides a great deal of happiness,” Thich Nhat Hanh adds. “During the time you are doing it, there is no tension at all. You are here for life; and if you are here for life, life will be here for you.”
#3 Buy happiness: not things, but experiences.
It doesn’t take a long time to lose our desire for the things we bought.
“Once we fulfill a desire for something,” William Irvine writes (in his book A Guide to a Good Life), “we adapt to its presence in our lives and as a result, we stop desiring it — or at any rate, don’t find it as desirable as we once did.”
Shawn Achor adds, “While the positive feelings we get from material objects are frustratingly fleeting, spending money on experiences, especially ones with other people, produces positive emotions that are both more meaningful and more lasting.”
For example, in 2019, our family went on a vacation.
We visited beaches and tourist destinations at Surigao Del Sur, a 7–10 hour ride away from our home province (I live in the Philippines, by the way).
It’s one of the best memories I’ve had with my family.
The memory of the beach, the joyride, the late-night lying on the sand, drinking coffee, gazing at the stars — wondering if there are other living beings out there. The island hopping in the morning, the eating of different kinds of seashells dipped in spicy vinegar at every island stop. The sight of the blue ocean and of the islets, the sound of the waves splashing on the shore and of the laughter of my nephews — all trigger a smile on my face whenever I revisit them from memory.
That three-day vacation didn’t cost much. But the happy memories are mine forever.
I’m not saying that we stop buying things. What I’m saying is start looking for ways to replace some purchases with a weekend getaway, a bonding with a friend (or friends), a simple picnic, a date with your mother, or a trip to the nearby beach. Or anything else you want to do to enjoy the life that you’ve been working hard for.
Remember that the experience doesn’t need to be expensive. It just needs to happen.
#4 Take a break and take a walk.
It’s easy to drown ourselves in the busyness of everyday life.
We need to get more things done. We can’t afford to waste time. When we take breaks, we feel guilty. We feel we’re being lazy.
But taking breaks between sessions of deep work is not only one of the best ways to maintain our efficiency. It’s also one of the best ways to relax our minds.
In her book, Do Nothing, Celeste Headlee wrote that she created a handbook for her employees to leave the building for lunch and take a break every half hour of work. This is because she believes that taking breaks and taking walks “reduces stress and makes you more efficient.”
“Spending 20 minutes outside in good weather not only boosted positive mood,” Shawn Achor adds “but broadened thinking and improved working memory.”
Take a break. Go outside. Take a walk.
#5 Watch your thoughts.
Sometimes what makes us unhappy is the dominance of negative emotions — worries, fears, anxieties, and many more. They paralyze us. They suck the life out of our day.
One of the best ways I learned to deal with those negative emotions is by writing my thoughts on paper. I learned this after watching Tim Ferriss’ video where he talked about the concept of Morning Pages. It’s a journaling practice popularized by Julia Cameron in her book The Artist’s Way.
She wrote:
“Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. *There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages*– they are not high art. They are not even “writing.” They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind– and they are for your eyes only. Morning Pages provoke, clarify, comfort, cajole, prioritize and synchronize the day at hand. Do not overthink Morning Pages: just put three pages of anything on the page…and then do three more pages tomorrow.”
Whenever I feel anxious or worried or angry or overwhelmed, and I want to feel better, I grab a pen and paper then trap my thoughts on it. This helps me release my feelings on the page.
Sometimes I go deeper by asking, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
I found that the mere act of acknowledging my thoughts, of welcoming them rather than resisting them, helps me feel lighter, better, and braver. It’s like what Eckhart Tolle wrote in his book, The Power of Now. When you allow yourself to feel the pain, it subsides. Sometimes it’s not the feeling itself that hurts us — but our thinking that it should not exist.
This act of confronting the thoughts that scares you on the page allows you to see them as they are. Sometimes you’ll realize that the worst things that could happen are not as scary as how you thought they would be.
As Seneca said, “We suffer more in our imagination than in reality.”
Final Thoughts
These are some of the things that helped me infuse happiness into my day. And there are many more.
Each of us has our own idiosyncratic ways to feel happy. For me, aside from the general ways I wrote above, it’s to write in my journal, read a book, watch NBA basketball on YouTube, play basketball at a nearby sports complex, or take a walk or jog with my girlfriend, or take my mother out on a date.
What makes you feel good? What relaxes or replenishes your energy? What do you love doing without aiming to be productive?
Notice them. And start making more time for them.
