5 Things You Should Never Say To Someone With An Eating Disorder

And here’s what you should say instead

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Eating disorders take a lot of perseverance, patience, and consistency to overcome. It’s unfortunate, but true, that throughout my life I have battled with my eating disorder without any true support from my family and friends. And often I’ve come across harsh, crude, and unnecessary comments that have crushed my spirit. I would have loved to have any source of external support or just a few kind words. So I’d like to personally educate anyone who might be unsure about what to say to someone with an eating disorder.

Here are 5 things you should never say to someone combating or recovering from an eating disorder. It doesn’t take much but kindness and support to help your loved one succeed through their journey to recovery.

1. You have ‘lost’ weight or you have ‘gained’ weight.

Don’t say that because they already do notice any and every change their body goes through on a daily basis. They already are quite self-critical of their appearance hence your opinion might just make it worse for them. You can however opt for positive comments such as ‘you look happy’, ‘I like what you’re wearing today’, or ‘you are glowing’.

2. Aren’t you eating a little too much/or less?

Saying this would only make them critical of how many calories they are consuming which more often than not leads to more aggressive and obsessive eating behaviors.

3. Do you even have an eating disorder? You look fine to me.

Never invalidate someone’s personal experiences. Just because someone looks perfectly normal on the outside doesn’t mean they aren’t battling something major on the inside. Always be kind, and non-judgmental and offer how you can be of help.

4. I tried this new diet and I lost a pound in a week.

This might instill shame and guilt in someone who has an eating disorder. They might feel unworthy for not being able to cope with their own urges and might even underestimate their progress.

5. You have so much self-control, I would not be able to do it.

Words like this are often less encouraging and more destructive. This could lead them to develop more unhealthy coping patterns and further calorie restrictions that could prove harmful for them in the long run.

Instead:

1. Ask them about what they feel. A simple ‘how are you feeling?’ can be a great way to start a conversation. Let them tell you how they are feeling and what they expect of you. Be kind and open to discussion.
2. Listen. Lend them support by listening to them and letting them know that they are not alone. A non-judgmental attitude is all that it takes for someone to slowly open up about their personal experiences and battles.
3. Let them know that their worth isn’t confined to a size. Tell them about all the qualities that set them apart from everyone else.
4. Educate yourself on eating disorders and all their sub-types to better understand what your loved one might be going through.
5. Convince your loved one to seek professional help. Let them know that seeking help is not something to be ashamed of. Do not ever force them or use aggression rather use examples and research to persuade them into getting help.