Is the pursuit of work-life balance setting us up for failure?
5 Ways to STOP Seeking Work-Life Balance
I want to share a perspective that might just change the way you think about managing your work and personal life. As someone who’s navigated the highs and lows of striving for success while trying to maintain personal well-being, I’ve come to a realization: perhaps it’s not about balance, but integration.
We’ve all heard it before — ‘You need to achieve a work-life balance.’ But let’s be honest, the idea of perfectly balancing every aspect of our busy lives feels not just daunting, but very unrealistic.
Balance or Integration
For me, the word ‘balance’ implies a perfect equation of work and leisure. It’s like trying to balance a scale — constantly adding or removing weights from each side, aiming for equilibrium. But life isn’t that straightforward. Yet I always felt that if I spent a certain amount of time in one area, I needed to find equal time for the other.
Or I picture a pie. All nice and equal slices with one piece labeled relationships, another as self-care, one more as work, and so on. Now that I’m on the other side of my burnout journey, and I work with numerous women recovering from burnout, I see this as just putting more pressure on ourselves. Another task to add to our “to-do” list and get right. Another thing that people feel like they are failing at.
However, work and personal life are not opposing forces; they’re all parts of our journey. Or should be. You have to be careful when doing this though as we learned during covid, that working all day in your house with your family and pets running around may not be the ideal situation. The goal should be about fulfillment and incorporating activities that recharge your energy.
It’s not about perfection or balance, but about making conscious choices that enhance your overall well-being whether you are talking about your relationships, family, work, or leisure time.
Balance Your Energy Not Your Time
Imagine this: You’re working on a project you’re passionate about, but it’s taking up a lot of your time. According to the ‘balance’ model, you might feel guilty for not spending that time elsewhere. But what if this work energizes you, contributing positively to your personal growth? By becoming an objective observer of how different tasks affect your well-being, you can begin to construct a routine that accommodates your needs. It takes into account your natural energy levels, your personality, etc.
When I started working with Brooke, she was determined to make it through her extensive to-do list, only to find herself exhausted by the end of the day, feeling like she had neglected either her work or her family. She read countless articles on achieving work-life balance and attended workshops, but the more she tried to balance everything, the more overwhelmed she became.
Intrigued by this concept of integration, Brooke decided to make some changes. She started by identifying what she truly valued in her life — her family’s well-being, her career advancement, and her personal hobbies. Instead of trying to allocate her time equally or keep her work and personal life strictly separate, she looked for opportunities to blend these aspects of her life harmoniously.
She began scheduling work meetings during workouts, combining her love for exercise with her professional responsibilities. This not only made her more productive but also allowed her to enjoy her hobby without feeling guilty. Brooke also involved her family in her gardening activities, turning it into a bonding and learning experience for her children, rather than just a personal escape. At work, Brooke negotiated more flexible hours and occasionally worked from home, which reduced her stress and gave her more quality time with her family.
So, how do we shift from balancing to integrating? Here are a few strategies:
1. Set Fluid Boundaries: Unlike rigid boundaries that compartmentalize our lives, fluid boundaries allow us to blend activities in a way that serves our overall well-being.
2. Prioritize Flexibility: Be open to adjusting your schedule. Sometimes work demands more attention, and other times personal life does. Flexibility allows you to move seamlessly between these aspects.
3. Find Synergy: Look for activities that fulfill multiple facets of your life. Perhaps a hobby that relaxes you can also inspire creativity in your work.
4. Embrace Technology Wisely: Use technology to your advantage. Apps that streamline tasks can free up time, allowing you to focus on what truly matters.
5. Self-Reflection: Regularly check in with yourself. What’s working? What’s not? Notice your feelings both emotional and physical. Adjusting your approach to integration as your life evolves is key.
If you like the word balance, then balance your energy:
- Pay close attention to how various daily activities impact your feelings and energy levels.
- Categorize your activities as fueling you or depleting you, aiming to understand where your energy goes and comes from.
- Gradually introduce more activities into your routine that fuel you, especially following depleting tasks, to restore balance and prevent burnout.
Life integration acknowledges that the “parts” of our lives are interconnected and interdependent. It’s about creating a life where work and personal activities complement rather than compete with each other. This doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but it’s certainly more aligned with the complex, multifaceted lives we lead today and more likely to lead to joy.
Mary Struzinsky is an award-winning, licensed clinician and coach with over 30 years of experience. Her expertise lies in empowering high-achieving women to uncover the hidden blocks that deplete energy and reinforce a cycle of overthinking, overgiving, and overworking.
As the creator of the program “Exhausted to Energized and Empowered,” Mary’s approach is both compassionate and results-oriented, focusing on equipping you with the energy, confidence, and TIME to lead lives that resonate deeply with your core values without guilt. Mary is a compelling writer and speaker, often sharing her poignant personal journey of burnout.
