50 Notes of Loving Gratitude

June 12, 2021, on our 50th wedding anniversary

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1. We spend most of our lives worried about stuff. What we could lose. What we are unable to attain. We worry about things we’ve already lost, so we worry about losing more things. We fear never getting back what we’ve lost.
I guess I’m resigned to not being able to go back in time and avoid losses of the past. Water under the bridge. It’s a fallen world and unlike The Umbrella Academy or Back To The Future, like it or not, all I have is the now and the future, however it unfolds. I can’t worry about what is past because whatever is there is permanently fixed into history’s landscape.

But gratitude can dwell in the past, the present and future. I’m grateful for you. My love for you is one of the unfathomable mysteries of my life. It is stunningly impossible to plummet the depth of my love for you.

2. On one hand, our love is so constant that I should never worry about anything. This should hold for the present and the future. But being in our seventh decade and approaching our 50 years together, I worry about the future. I can’t bear to think of my own death which would leave you alone. I don’t want death to force either of us live without the companionship and intimacy we now share. I don’t want death to cause either of us to be left without companionship and meaning. I guess people say it this way: “I can’t live without you.”

3. Sheer magic happens around our house when I hear you singing some tune. I absolutely love to hear you singing anything. It could be humming or just singing a few measures of some tune in our past. They could be from commercials. Occasionally I hear some tunes from our days when we were members of the Buffalo “Friends of Folk.” Your voice raises my spirits and reminds me that I am blessed to be in your presence.

4. It is impossible to write about your beauty. Your intelligence. Your compassion for others. Your passion for life. You put all of yourself into whatever you do. There is more of you than can fit within human form.

5. You have guided many of our acquaintances in medical areas. You have always retained your nursing training and knowledge. Whether it has been over minor skateboard injuries or more serious…