FEMINISM, ANTI-PATRIARCHY AND WOMEN EMPOWERMENT
50 Reasons To Decenter Men And Refocus On Your Best Life
And no, you don’t have to be single.
Decentering men means you relocate them from the central room of your life to the guest bedroom. You assume your rightful place in the kingdom of your life.
No man chasing, male-gaze coveting, self body-bashing, losing yourself, endless trying to impress men or squashing your needs to the sides.
None of that. It means assuming the role of a true partner (not slave, therapist or maid) if you’re in a relationship or married.
If you’re happily single it means having the freedom to explore other aspects of yourself, without feeling pressured to couple up. If you’re in a relationship, this means not throwing yourself out of the center of your life. Making his needs and demands more important than yours.
You “decenter men” by humanizing them. Men are not gods or better than women, so you can’t place them on a pedestal. Men are not scary and unapproachable, so you don’t have to fear them, because whatever you fear, you magnify. Treat them like humans, and live life normally. -Ari’el
Here are 50 reasons why decentering men and refocusing on you, just might change your life for the better.
1. You’ll have more time to engage in your hobbies.
2. You’ll have more energy to take care of your kids/pets/houseplants (if you have any).
3. You don’t have to be a therapist, sounding board, or any of that nonsense. You’ll have enough headspace for your self-care
4. You will cultivate your interests outside a romantic relationship
5. You’ll realize they can do most of the housework themselves if you let them do it.
6. You’ll sleep better seriously all that worrying and anxiety over his health, mental well-being, and all the things is dropped when you simply don’t care that much.
7. You’ll realize that you may not be the entire focus of his life, and that gives you a vital perspective on life.
8. You might exercise more. Forget whether he wants to hit the gym or go for a walk, you do you girl, go lace up those running shoes. Or strike some yoga poses. Why not?
9. You can enjoy your favourite TV show without caring if he enjoys it or not.
10. You’ll start wearing the clothes you enjoy wearing, and things that make you feel comfortable in your skin.
11. you’ll remember the woman you were before men and dating. You’ll realize you can have a great life without being obsessed with men and relationships.
12. You won’t have to play nurse anymore. For some women, this is a serious issue, that robs them of so much life.
13. You won’t have to do it when you’re not interested, Hello bodily sovereignty.
14. You’ll rediscover a greater meaning to your life beyond, men, dating and relationships. It gives a more balanced perspective.
15. You’ll have more time and energy to pour into meaningful friendships.
16. You’ll start valuing your voice more.
17. You’ll distance yourself from the male gaze, and start dressing up for yourself only.
18. You’ll find little need for praise and constant adulation of your appearance, this is so liberating.
19. It will be more easier to notice the genuinely nice guys, who don’t want to subjugate you.
20. Men will start respecting you more, and women too.
21. You’ll realize you were the one you were waiting for all along. You’ll tap into self-love.
22. You’ll forget about a prince charming rescuing you and focus instead on rescuing yourself.
23. You won’t have to play therapist for “broken’ men. No one has time for that.
24. You’ll have more calm and serenity in your life. No more relationship dramas. Woop-woop.
25. You won’t have to “compromise” with values or actions you care little for.
26. You’ll start to radiate an inner confidence you didn’t have before.
27. Life will open up, and you’ll see more opportunities for growth and learning, as your perspective is expanded.
28. You’ll reconnect with the activities that bring you genuine joy, beyond a relationship.
29. You won’t have to pretend to be interested in his activities or weird hobbies anymore.
30. You’ll speak your truth more, and won’t walk around in tip-toes around his ego.
31. You’ll value male friendships more, as you won’t be wondering if their motives are dark if you fancy them, or if they fancy you. It will just be friendship.
33. You’ll start to reflect on all the ways your boundaries were abused, and hopefully learn from them.
34. You won’t be afraid to go makeup-lite or makeup-free sometimes. Because who cares, without catering to the male gaze, you’re free!
35. Speaking of makeup, you’ll apply it in a manner that truly expresses you, regardless of what men think.
36. You’ll become more self-reliant as you start depending less on a man for household tasks.
37. You’ll realize that dating/engagement/marriage aren’t accomplishments, and instead focus on making changes in your life that add real value to the world. Graduate studies? New job? Big move? Creative pursuit? New friendship? Yes, please.
38. You’ll value your kids more (if you have them). This is a weird one, but with a refocus of time and energy in our lives, you realize you and them are the real beings to be so obsessed with. Children need all the love and support we can muster. It’s the only place for “unconditional love”. As for men? Love has to be merit-based, not unconditional.
39. You’ll treasure time with friends, and develop deeper connections talking about issues that don’t revolve around men, marriage, or your relationship status.
40. You’ll become more social. Couples tend to be more socially insular. Decentering men often makes us want to hang out more with friends and family.
41. Your career will improve, as you’ll have more energy, time and focus when your headspace isn’t occupied by thoughts of pleasing him or thoughts about making a relationship work.
42. You won’t go panic dating after a breakup. Hence will make more (hopefully) aware choices in a new partner, if you choose to have one.
43. You’ll stop wishing loser men could change, and instead focus on a man who is already emotionally intelligent and evolved to align with your values.
44. You’ll become a woman with higher confidence, and self-esteem levels. Nothing makes you more desirable than when you simply don’t care too much about a man’s perception of you. Not that his opinion of you matters anyway :-)
45. You’ll stop the covert competition with other women over your man. And instead, build sisterhood and community with empowered women.
46. You’ll become more compassionate to the plight of women who are in vulnerable toxic relationships. Because you appreciate what you went through on your journey to decentering men and awakening.
47. You won’t be so stressed all the time. Need I say more? Relationships can bring a lot of drama.
48. You won’t feel like a puppet governed by the sour mood of your male parent/boyfriend/whatever he calls himself these days. Because it’s his moods, hence his problem, not yours.
49. You’ll step more into your genuine feminine power. None of that people-pleasing, soft-voicing, ever-wearing pink business.
50. It is simply good for your health, less stress, less drama, less put-downs, less dangerous situations, less feeling disconnected from yourself, and less dangerous beauty procedures!
Bonuses:
-For women who choose to be child-free, you won’t feel pressurized by a man who wants to have a child. Because you’ll have the power to walk away from whatever situation doesn’t align with your life aspirations. There are many forms a woman can choose to exist in. Don’t let any man spin it to you that it is a woman's purpose to bear children (And this is coming from a mother).
-With a reinvestment of energy, you can develop more community endeavours, and contribute more to the thriving of everyone. Humans are social animals, we thrive best when we have a strong sense of community.
I’m telling you, ladies, demoting men from that pedestal can be one of the best ways to reclaim your life. It’s giving me so much joy. We only live once, so why endure maltreatment, and devaluation at the hands of unappreciative men?
Decentering men isn’t about man-hating. It’s about self-loving. It’s about daring to live the lives we once dreamed of as young girls.
It’s about reclaiming our freedom and sense of self. Try it you might love it!
Writer’s note: Is my list exhaustive? Do you have any other benefits to add? If you resonated with this essay, share your thoughts in a comment. Read more of my poetry and writing below:
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