6 Valuable Conversations Before Moving In With Your Partner

Because ‘loving’ each other won’t be enough!

Cheshta Mann
Jul 22, 2020 · 8 min read
Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

As of now, many of you might have known that I moved to Canada a couple of years ago. The motive was simple: to be independent and find someone to spend life with.

And then I met this guy who was funny, charming, and everything that I was looking for. Taking it slow, our first official date happened a couple of months after we started talking. Living in different cities then, it was difficult for us to see each other on a regular basis. I was happy having found the love of my life, but to know him more, I wanted to spend more time with him. And yeah, the feelings were mutual.

So, we decided to take this plunge. Yes, we did!

After dating for around 5 months, having endless talks over the phone, and meeting for a few times, we both decided to live together. Our journey of being a part of each other’s lives and sharing bright and gloomy moments together has been awesome and has further nurtured our relationship.

Before moving in, we talked about a lot of important stuff such as finances, daily chores, personal space, etc. so as to ensure that we were on the same track. Communication is the key to make any relationship succeed. Having these pre-move in talks was indeed helpful for our relationship. And ultimately, there were no bummers awaiting us.

The idea of moving in with your partner seems exciting and fun. And when it’s your time moving in, it just adds up to the excitement level.

Living in with your partner not only brings you closer to him but also shows you how they are as a person, and vice-versa. In my eyes, the latter gets more weightage. If you are serious in the relationship and are planning to spend the rest of your life with them, you’d like to know the person better before tying the knot.

“For the two of us, home isn’t a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.”
— Stephanie Perkins, from Anna and the French Kiss

Moving with your partner has its own perks. You don’t have to travel for hours to meet each other and spend some quality time together. And then, you don’t have to wait to see each other again after bidding those tough goodbyes.

According to a survey, the percentage of Americans living together has increased twice in the last 25 years. Besides, over 66% of married couples lived in with their partners before saying ‘I do’. With these numbers, we can assume that the concept of cohabitation is something that has been popular among couples for many decades.

So, you have been dating for a few months now and are willing to take the next step? Do you think you are ready for it? Here are a few conversations that you should have with your partner to avoid any fuss later and be confident about your decision.

Your motive

Are you moving in to know your partner better, are you just trying to save a few bucks by sharing the apartment, or are you doing it just for ‘fun’? What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about ‘moving’ with him or her?

Couples living in different cities, like us, might want to give this ‘moving together’ thing a try to spend more time together, know each other well, save some money, and of course, find out if they are actually worth each other’s time.

Before even thinking of moving in with my boyfriend, I knew that this was my man. So, it was not a rushed decision. Knowing each other during our pre-move-in stage, we both wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We knew that our motives were crystal clear and hence, we were all geared up to take this step of knowing each other better.

It’s better to know the other person’s intentions especially if it’s been just a few days or months that you are dating each other. So, don’t rush! Discuss your motives with your better half and see if you both have mutual intentions of moving in. If that’s the case, then consider it good news indeed.

Having a live-in relationship before getting married was something I always craved for. And that doesn’t mean with any random guy! I wanted to share space with someone with these two intentions: to know him better, and know more about his lifestyle. As they say, ‘better safe than sorry’!

Daily chores

This one is really important! After all, you don’t want to end up spending your whole day doing all chores by yourself and feeling exhausted.

There are times when I am completely swamped with freelancing work or had a tiring day at work. In order to make me feel less overwhelmed, he takes care that I am not bothered about anything including chores, cooking, etc. And when he looks after these little yet important things, I realize how much he loves to see me at comfort.

Are you allergic to dust? Just like me, are you also habitual of washing dishes as soon as you finish your meal? Do you do your laundry on a weekly basis? When do you prefer shopping grocery? Does your partner cook? Will he be fine with helping you with making meals?

Ask him what he’s comfortable with and how often he will be willing to help you with these daily chores. When your partner is fine with sharing responsibilities, it’s a win-win for both of you. The earlier you finish your work, the more time you will have to spend with each other.

Talk in advance about ‘who’ll do what’ so as to avoid unnecessary confusion or mess. But make sure to follow a balanced approach when assigning chores. You don’t have to make the other person feel stressed by allocating all or most of the chores.

Time for personal space

It’s always good to allocate personal time for yourself. Yes, even if you are in a relationship. I do the same by writing and cooking. This not only helps cleanse my mind but also gives a refreshing touch to our relationship.

Having personal space soothes your mind and allows you to keep a check on your mental well-being. Whether you two or either of you are working from home or in office, it’s crucial to set some time for yourself.

Especially during these weird times, living together can be overwhelming for some of us. But don’t let these negativities affect your lovely relationship.

To keep your relationship healthier and less toxic, ensure to talk with your partner how crucial your personal space is. Besides communicating your own thoughts, know your partner’s thoughts on it, and see if he is supportive enough.

It’s fine to take some time out for yourself. This is how you start with caring about yourself and your mental health. When you have a ‘ME’ time scheduled for yourself, utilize this time to rejuvenate your inner being. Get creative, meditate, write your heart out, pamper yourself, listen to your favorite playlist, dance it out, or do anything that makes you happy.

This won’t only help you boost your energy levels, but will also let you have a really short break from your relationship.

Finances

You certainly don’t want to miss out on discussing money matters with your partner. While it’s a common topic to talk about, discuss how you’ll be managing finances after you move in.

  • Will you be splitting bills for grocery, or paying it on an alternate basis
  • How will you be paying the rent, or in what proportion?
  • If you are commuting together, how will you split the related expenses?
  • Are you willing to buy new furniture or be okay with second-hand stuff?

From buying furniture for your home/apartment to spending on basic household necessities, you will be spending on a lot of things in the first few months. So, it’s always better to have at least a rough idea of how you both will handle these tricky money matters.

Besides, know if you or your partner have some investment ideas in the future. If yes, discuss their short-term and long-term prospects.

Have a budget and know what your partner’s expectations are. This will keep your spending habits in place and save you both from being spendthrifts.

Vulnerability

“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” — James Baldwin

We all have that soft side we prefer to hide from everyone else. But when you are with your man, just let your emotions flow. Speak up your mind without being afraid of getting judged at all.

Share what scares you the most, and makes you anxious. Communicate with your partner how you feel about this relationship. Are there any specific addictions or habits that your partner should be aware of?

In case, you are not sure if it’s the right time to have such intense conversations or you feel it’s too early to open up about these things, then you might need to rethink moving in with him.

After graduation and before landing a job, I moved in with my partner. I was not sure when I’d be getting a job and be able to start earning. During those tough times, I was still able to manage my expenses with freelancing. But still, I was anxious.

From being there by my side to taking mock interviews for job interviews, my boyfriend did everything possible to make me feel better and confident about myself. No matter how busy he was, he supported me to the core and acted as my mentor as well as my cheerleader.

Social time

Having a social life, especially when living away from your family, is important but to a certain limit. After all, you don’t want to do late-night parties or dinners every weekend with your or his friends, and end up having time no time for yourselves?

Again, schedule in advance the days when you’ll be catching up with your or his friends. Set a time limit for how long you’ll be entertaining them at home, or be out with them. Don’t forget to decide on the days meant just for you two.

If you are not a fan of the sudden arrival of guests at your place, then be considerate of sharing it with your partner. I am not a social butterfly and need at least a few hours to get myself into that ‘entertaining’ mode. He knows it and makes plans accordingly, thereby saving me from those last-minute surprises, or I’d say ‘shocks’.

Being an old-school kid, finding love was never easy for me. Sometimes, I used to think that I won’t be able to find myself the kind of guy I had always pictured. But eventually, I did. Had I not taken the step of moving in with him, I won’t have known how fun and loving he is. Yes, after marriage, I would have. But then, I had to live the fantasy of living in together before moving in.

If we look around nowadays, it has become more of a challenge to find someone who loves you unconditionally, with whom you can share your deepest fears and secrets and still know that they’ll be safe.

“Love cures people — both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.”
— Karl Menninger

You know you both will be together in spite of hurdles and barriers, and love each other no matter what. As living-in together can be a foundation of your relationship, you need to show some patience and perseverance. After all, good things take time. And when they do, there is nothing but happiness.

When you think that you have found the one, and it’s the time to be with him, you might consider having these low key yet important conversations. After all, you don’t want to mess things up in lieu of any doubts or assumptions later.

ILLUMINATION

We curate outstanding articles from diverse domains and…

Cheshta Mann

Written by

Freelance writer with an experience of over 6 years. Assurance Specialist by profession. Dog-lover. Connect with me on https://www.linkedin.com/in/cheshta-mann/

ILLUMINATION

We curate and disseminate outstanding articles from diverse domains and disciplines to create fusion and synergy.

Cheshta Mann

Written by

Freelance writer with an experience of over 6 years. Assurance Specialist by profession. Dog-lover. Connect with me on https://www.linkedin.com/in/cheshta-mann/

ILLUMINATION

We curate and disseminate outstanding articles from diverse domains and disciplines to create fusion and synergy.

Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore

If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Write on Medium

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store