7 Tips On How To Get Better At Networking
Lessons from an experienced introvert
I’ve been an introvert before the internet made it funny. Back then, it wasn’t normalised in ways that gave you the agency to acknowledge it — let alone own it.
So naturally, I was the introvert who didn’t know they were one. I carried that self-awareness right to Business School — where everyone nearly always told you to stop being one and start networking.
And so I did, with as much courage and cringe as I could simultaneously muster.
There is very little you can hide behind when you’re suddenly exposed to 500 Business School A-listers. But 4 years and countless events later, I can safely say I’m not hiding anymore — as much.
If you’re trying to square the circle like me, don’t start from scratch. Here are 7 tips on how to get better at networking.
1. Accepting The Why
I spent a long time whining about the hollowness of networking and for good reason — A Harvard Study found “people avoid professional networking, even though it’s good for their careers, because it makes them feel physically dirty.”
When you don’t enjoy an activity, it’s especially important to follow Simon Sinek’s advice — start with the “why” and internalize it.
If there’s one meta reason why you should network, it is because —
You have to meet people where they are.
Networking is a way to build bridges. When you build bridges, you create a medium to exchange ideas and enhance your perspective. Without perspective, you’re an expert preaching on an island.
But all that good stuff happens when you take the time to cultivate relationships.
Networking isn’t just about attending events, it’s about finding spaces to cultivate good relationships.
Then you have a shot at meeting people where they are and finding better ways to communicate with them.
This is, of course, the ideal state but you may not always get there and that’s okay (more on that starting #3).
2. Accepting Your Introversion — But Not As A Flaw
Making light of your introversion is often a defense mechanism and a good one. But it’s important not to let it become a limitation.
Too often, I took the easy way out of a social event by telling myself it wasn’t for an introvert like myself. You could do this occasionally but you may be short-selling yourself.
More importantly, you’re robbing yourself of a chance to meet people where they are.
Stay open. Fight the urge to skip out and go home to Netflix with takeout.
3. Finding A Home Base
That said, you want a home base when you decide to put yourself out there.
When you’re trying to get into the habit, find someone you could go with.
This way, you can take small breaks with them or call it quits when you’re tired and decompress with them.
Decompressing with someone after networking is understated — it lends validity to what you’re feeling and makes you feel comfortable about doing it again.
Don’t be shy to suggest this to someone — If you’ve ever seen someone pottering about at an event, you know most people are looking for a home base.
4. Enjoying Small Talk
Now we’re getting into it.
For quite some time, a surge of cringe unfailingly filled me up every time I tried to strike up a conversation with someone new.
Over time, I got to know people who did it quite well and noticed that they had one thing in common — They weren’t afraid of keeping things casual.
Here’s how you could too:
Shrug It Off:
When you need it, take a deep breath and shrug it off — let your guard down and your shoulders hang a bit loose.
This body language has been proven to work for me — it helps you ease up.
Slow It Down:
This one is especially for non-native speakers.
Conversing in English, especially with native speakers, can be intimidating. It can make you doubt yourself, perhaps make you speak too fast or too little.
If you’re struggling with this, trust the process — slow it down. It’s a great way to give yourself some time and some gravitas.
Don’t be afraid to drop that pause.
6. Asking Good Questions:
Use the break to come up with a question and just let them talk.
When I was at Business School, we were always told — do your research and ask good questions. This was always a tricky piece of advice to hand out, how do you ask good questions?
I tried doing the research but it wasn’t organic. I’ve since then adapted this advice to asking observational or complementary questions and being present for the answers.
This has a few benefits:
- Everyone loves to talk about themselves.
- It can be intuitive to spot patterns in a person’s thinking and informative to validate your notions.
- It takes the pressure off and gives you the chance to continue asking more pertinent questions — i.e., enjoy the conversation.
This may seem like a framework, but your instinct will eventually guide you there.
When in doubt, find an appropriate compliment that you can genuinely offer, discuss or learn from.
6. Getting Out Of A Corner
And then there are situations when the conversation has gone through a few layers and you start to feel the need to untangle.
Don’t feel pressured into being cornered; conserve your social battery.
Excuse yourself for a break and find your home base.
7. Knowing How To Stop
We’ve all been there. You know you should join that evening drink but sometimes, you just need a bit of R&R.
If you can, resist the urge to skip entirely: Time-box it, and interact deliberately with key people before you make your way to the exit.
If you feel like that’s going to be too much, it’s best to skip — you won’t be doing anyone any favours.
8. Bonus Tip: The Trick To Making People Remember You
Make Them Feel Good.
Something like positive energy is hard to qualify in professional circles but I’ve come to believe if you can genuinely develop it in conversation, it can leave you feeling enriched. It will also energise others who, quite likely, are themselves waiting to catch a break.
Laugh a little and make it safe for others to do so. Be genuine and generous in offering help as well as praise.
Involve others in conversation — if you have the privilege of finding a voice for yourself, use it to help others find theirs.
In closing, you don’t have to be strictly professional whilst networking. Try to bring your personal self and see where it takes you.
After all, when you try something new, you’re getting somewhere.
Networking isn’t easy for most people. Let’s make it easier — what has helped you get better?
