Befriend Your Inner Critic?
7 Ways to Turn Your Inner Critic Into Your Ally
Imagine when you were really young, like a little kid. You knew that you needed your parents or someone to take care of you because, without them, you wouldn’t be able to survive. So, you tried really hard to make sure they were happy with you. You didn’t want to upset them because you wanted to be safe and feel loved. You may have thought that if your parents or caregivers were upset or not happy with you, it was your fault. You started to believe that you had to act a certain way to be loved and safe.
Now, as an adult, you might still have those beliefs. You might still think you need to act a certain way to be liked or loved, and that inner critic from when you were a kid is still there, reminding you of this. But the truth is, you’re not that little kid anymore, and it’s okay to let go of those old beliefs and be kinder to yourself.
The inner critic: it’s that nagging voice in your mind that constantly undermines your confidence, whispering that you’re not quite up to par. Recognizing when external influences trigger this self-doubt is crucial. The inner critic is deeply rooted in your subconscious, acting as an echo of past criticisms and doubts. To truly flourish and reach your full potential, it’s essential to unblock and release the limiting beliefs nestled in your subconscious.
Steps to Challenge Your Inner Critic
Emily struggled with a relentless inner critic. She tried to ignore it, but it only grew louder. She listened to self-help podcasts and read books but felt like she was arguing with herself and not winning. She came to me for help when she was more anxious than ever. She was practicing meditation and mindfulness but felt it was not helping.
Emily and I worked together using EMDR and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique-Tapping) to discover the messages her subconscious had tied to certain events. Let’s explore how this process can help:
- Understanding the Origin of the Critic: By uncovering these subconscious beliefs, you begin to understand why your inner critic says what it does. This understanding is the first step in changing the narrative.
- Breaking the Cycle of Negative Self-Talk: Subconscious beliefs can fuel a cycle of negative self-talk without you even realizing it. By bringing these beliefs to the surface, you can start to challenge and reframe them. This breaks the cycle and reduces the power of the inner critic.
- Enhancing Self-Awareness: As you uncover your subconscious beliefs, you become more self-aware. This heightened awareness allows you to catch the inner critic in action and recognize that these are old patterns of thinking, not necessarily truths about who you are today.
- Developing Compassion and Understanding: Understanding your subconscious beliefs can foster compassion for yourself. You start to see that your inner critic is trying to protect you, albeit in a misguided way. This understanding can shift your response from one of frustration to one of kindness and patience.
- Empowering Change and Growth: With awareness and understanding of your subconscious beliefs, you’re better equipped to make conscious choices. You can decide which beliefs serve you and which don’t, empowering you to grow and evolve beyond the limitations set by your inner critic.
- Building Resilience: As you work through your subconscious beliefs, you build resilience. You learn to bounce back from the inner critic’s negative comments more quickly and with greater ease, knowing that these are just old beliefs, not your current reality.
Uncovering your subconscious beliefs is like turning on a light in a dark room. It illuminates the sources of your inner critic, giving you the clarity and tools to address it effectively. This process is not just about silencing a critical voice; it’s about transforming your relationship with yourself, leading to greater self-acceptance, confidence, and peace.
Why You Need to Recognize Your Inner Critic
Your inner critic is probably something you’ve been living with for as long as you can remember, to the point where it’s become white noise. Unfortunately, that means if you don’t notice it, you can’t deal with it either. OR, you might think to yourself “hey, that came from me so it must be true.” The negative voice in our heads that tells us we’re not good enough, that we can’t do it, that we’re not creative. Without scrutinizing these beliefs and addressing them head-on, you’re merely reacting to it — acting on autopilot.
Giving in to your reactions or acting in habitual ways can have negative consequences because when you act like this, you’re not entirely in charge. Instead, your negative emotions are guiding you. Therefore, you probably won’t achieve the results you truly desire. In order to take purposeful action and take control of your life, you need to NOTICE and deal with your inner critic. By identifying these moments, you empower yourself to respond proactively, turning self-criticism into an opportunity for growth and self-improvement.
While it’s normal to wonder if you have what it takes to achieve something new, these types of messages can truly sabotage your success. If the thought does not fit with your vision, and causes you to move away from self-love, then it’s most likely your subconscious doing the talking.Tip #7
This is the step that I think made a big difference in Emily’s progress. She stopped berating herself. We came up with a way that Emily could visualize her inner critic as an entity outside of herself. We gave her judge a name. She offered her kindness, reassurance, and understanding. She would acknowledge its concerns, thank it for trying to protect her, and then, with kindness and firmness, assure it that she could handle the situation. She understood that her critic, in its misguided way, was trying to keep her safe from mistakes and social disapproval.
In our journey with Emily, we’ve seen the profound transformation that occurs when we shift our perspective on our inner critic. It’s not just a voice to be silenced, but a part of ourselves that, when understood and embraced, can lead to incredible growth and self-compassion. Her journey reminds us that within each of us lies the strength to change our narrative, to move from self-criticism to self-love.
If you found this helpful, you may be interested in this ebook and workbook, Self-love to improve your inner critic!
Founder and CEO of STAR City Life Coaching, LLC. Mary is a writer, speaker, coach, and licensed trauma therapist with over 30 years of experience supporting women.
“I support women who are done with overthinking, overgiving, overworking, and overachieving at the expense of their health, relationships, and success.”
