9 Common Pet-Peeves Your Body Does Without Even Letting You Know
You never know exactly when you may get judged!
Why do we have pet peeves? And why is that some things that I like other people don't like? Well, our species is very complex. The human brain is the most complex thing in all of the cosmos. We have preferences.
If you don’t believe me, just walk down the aisle and see how many kinds of toothpaste there are. We are very specific as to the most minute of things that we prefer.
When we encounter something that is outside that envelope of preference, then it becomes an irritant, which is both social, cultural, and personal. Let’s take a closer look at the things that we commonly ignore while they might make a huge impact on your day-to-day life!
Staring
Staring is one of the least discussed body language signs that play a significant role in being judged in our lives, routinely. We are less aware of the fact that our gaze might affect the other person involved in the communication.
For example, consider yourself in a situation where you are talking to your senior or someone you really admire a lot, in this situation you're focused on every word uttered by this person and you'll maintain a gaze looking straight into his eyes.
How would you make out that this person isn't interested in talking to you or is focused on something other than having a conversation with you? The first thing that will light up the bulb in your brain is the GAZE, yeah that's exactly the first thing that you'll notice!
This not only applies to other people you’re talking to but it also applies to you because the eye contact that you make is not only adequate to judge you but it also affects the other person's affective system.
As eye contact seems to trigger positively valenced affective processing and bodily responses, these reactions may contribute to the advantageous effect of direct gaze on memory, pro-social behavior, and evaluation of others.
Pacing
Have you ever seen a mother rocking her baby to stop her baby from crying further? Rocking causes movements in the fluids present in the middle ear to stimulate the hair cells which sends the signals to the brain, a sense of goodness.
These rocking movements that we all must have experienced in childhood get converted into to and fro movements like walking here and there, tapping our feet in stressful conditions, and so on in our adulthood.
While there’s a scientific explanation telling that walking causes compression of our Gastrocnemius Muscle(aka Calf Muscle) which is regarded as the second heart, results in pushing more blood towards your brain and aids in better analysis.
Many people use this at times when they’re nervous or giving something a thought, I personally used this technique at times until I realized that I’ve started shaking around more often especially while in a conversation and it slowly became a habit for me.
Walking, shaking, or moving might be appropriate when you’re giving a lecture or taking a seminar but it surely creates a sense of doubt in the other person’s mind when you’re having a conversation with him.
The Bad Hand Shake
Have you ever thought why do we shake hands? We shake hands because we are primates and all primates approach each other and touch each other first by reaching out and touching their fingers together.
Our brains evolved so that we would retain negativity so that we don’t have to learn each morning not to touch the hot stove or walk over the nails.
So when you shake that hand and it’s wet or you feel like it’s grabbing you in some strange way, this registers in your brain for not months and weeks, it registers with you potentially for years. And that’s the problem with doing it wrong
Then what does a perfect handshake look like? The perfect handshake is when your fingers are down, you squeeze at the same level as the other person does, you do a quick shake and that’s it.
The Close Talker
All of us have different spatial needs. Some of it comes to us from the culture. People in Delhi will stand close to each other than, let’s say, someone from Northeastern India. But it can also be personal.
I come from a culture where we like to stand close together, but personally, I like to keep people three or four feet away.
So one of the ways to avoid violating space, which makes people uncomfortable, causes psychological discomfort, is to, when you first shake hands, you reach in and shake the hand. And rather than just remaining there, take a little step back and assess what the other person does.
One of the things that you'll find is that if both of you take a step back, then both of you need that little bit of extra space.
If the person moves towards you, then perhaps they come from a culture or they have a preference for standing closure. In that case, what you may wanna do is just angle your body a little bit so you don't feel like they're as close to you as they may be.
Touch Phobia
There are a few people that have this habit of they've gotta touch. They gotta touch your arm, they gotta touch your shoulder as they're talking to you, they squeeze you to emphasize, and so forth. And let’s face it, some people just don't wanna be touched.
For some people, touching is comforting. It’s how they make sure that someone is paying attention to them, it’s what they use to emphasize, and it’s very convenient! Obviously, if you grow in a joint family and you wanna reach your brother and talk to him, then this gesture of touching and talking would seem fine. But you just have to remember that not everybody appreciates it.
Manspreading
Humans, by their very nature, when they feel strong, they feel confident, they will tend to spread out. We’re probably not even thinking that we’re doing these behaviors, but we do them.
Basically, you’re entitled to the little area around you. Your hips, plus about one to two inches on each side. That’s really by social convention what you’re entitled to.
The problem, of course, is when it infringes on other people!
Verbal Tics
Clearing throat!…
Oftentimes you hear this with people who are about to say something that they're having difficulty with. It’s never good!
For instance, for years watching Robert Gates, who became secretary of defense, who also became the head of the CIA, and sometimes he would be asked a question that obviously he could not answer, and I found it interesting that he always cleared his throat before he answered those questions.
This is what is known as the Paralanguage, the hum, the coughs, the uh, you know.
Vocal tic, just like a muscular tic, is the body’s way of creating psychological comfort in some way. And I think it’s just a matter of checking ourselves and saying, is this a distraction?
One of the easiest things that you can do is just videotape yourself while you're doing five minutes or ten minutes of a speech and have somebody look at it and correct you and say, “You know, you keep looking down or you keep clearing your throat.”
We all have these things! It’s not about perfection. It’s about improving whatever we have. And if it’s these little things, these are easy to work on.
Eye Rolling
To roll your eyes is to show both contempt and disdain. Disdain is tolerable but contempt isn’t, because contempt is always higher hierarchal.
You’re putting somebody ahead and somebody down, and that’s just not acceptable.
Tapping
Foot tapping, finger tapping, pencil tapping. Anything like that really helps us to pass the time. It helps us deal with any situation where maybe things have slowed down, we’re waiting, and so we use these repetitive behaviors to self-soothe.
Have you ever thought about why are these repetitive behaviors so soothing? Well, the human brain always needs to be pacified. Even as embryos, we suck our thumb. These repetitive behaviors by compressing and releasing the muscle or articulating the joint causes signals to go to the brain that serves to calm us into soothness.
Thanks for giving this a read. You can visit my profile to read my previous articles. Get in touch: kunalwrites12@gmail.com
