9 Tips to Help You Stop Overthinking
What is overthinking?
Have you spent countless hours reviewing your mistakes?
Are you worried about what others think of you?
Do you struggle to make decisions — and do research over and over again to make the right decision?
This is overthinking — an uncontrollable worry or rumination. It feels like your brain is on overdrive and you can’t stop. You have so many worries and doubts that you lose sleep, lose concentration, and have trouble carrying out normal activities.
In my experience, there are three main forms of overthinking, see if they resonate with you.
3 Common Types of Overthinking
1. Reflect on your own mistakes or shortcomings
You think you’re doing something wrong, but really it’s just something trivial in the overall scheme of things, but you can’t let it go. You play it over and over in your head and get stuck in a cycle of self-judgment and self-criticism. You fantasize about the consequences of this mistake being dire (therapists often call this catastrophizing).
2. Indecision
You spend too much time making decisions. You do research, read reviews, but still can’t seem to make a decision. You exaggerate the importance of a decision, believe the consequences are much more serious than they actually are, or believe the decision is irreversible. You put so much pressure on yourself to make the perfect decision that you become mentally paralyzed and unable to make a decision at all.
3. Uncontrollable worry about the unknown
You feel helpless, worried, and unsure of how to solve the problem. Maybe you’re worried about the rash on your tummy, or what job prospects your kid will have if he doesn’t go to college, or why your mom is so forgetful. You may do a lot of research to find answers and comfort yourself, but you may not feel comfortable with the information you find. A key aspect of this worry is catastrophizing, which is where you focus on the worst outcome and magnify the likelihood of it happening.
How does overthinking affect emotional health?
Overthinking doesn’t help us solve problems or make decisions. Instead, it leaves us thinking about the same things over and over but unable to make a decision or take action. Overthinking keeps us stuck in the past or worrying about the future. It can increase stress, causing frequent insomnia, difficulty concentrating, and difficulty completing work productively.
Overthinking can also lower our self-esteem. It reinforces our negative views about ourselves, magnifies our mistakes, and undervalues our positive qualities and the progress we have made. Many of my clients become increasingly frustrated with themselves because they cannot stop overthinking. This leads to a vicious cycle of self-blame and criticism, exacerbating their anxiety.
Why do we overthink?
Unconsciously, states of anxiety keep us away from painful experiences of all kinds — criticism, rejection, failure, illness, and so on. In a way, we equate worrying with problem solving. However, constantly worrying about problems we can’t solve, other people’s problems, overthinking what has happened, or focusing on things that could go wrong will not help us avoid negative consequences. result. Instead, it only exacerbates our fears and makes us more anxious.Overthinking also stems from perfectionism. This is often because we have unrealistically high standards for ourselves, so we cannot tolerate making mistakes and in our fantasy the consequences are worse than they actually are. We cannot meet this standard and cannot accept the reality. Instead, we indulge in self-criticism.
Perfectionists also tend to have a rigid all-or-nothing mindset — a mindset in which we believe there is only one “right” decision or way to do things. The result is that we put huge pressure on ourselves to do right thing or make a right choice.
Overthinking is a hard habit to break. However, by being aware and willing to change some of your behaviors and thoughts, you can reduce or stop overthinking or worrying.
Here are nine of my favorite strategies for stopping overthinking.
Ways to Reduce or Stop Overthinking
1. Give it a name to tame it
The first thing I suggest you do when you’re overthinking something is give it a name. Openly admitting that you are overthinking, feeling anxious or worried can help you break the cycle. This is also your signal to try other strategies.
2. Write down your worries
If you are stuck in an overthinking cycle, I recommend writing down your worries. Putting them down on paper creates a “hanging space” for them so you don’t have to hold them all in your head. Writing can also help you think clearly and help you solve problems.
3. Allow yourself to worry within the specified time.
If you are often distracted by worries throughout the day, it can be helpful to choose a specific time to worry about. The idea is to give you time to think and feel your thoughts, but don’t let them take over your entire day. Set a timer and when the allotted time is up (approximately 10–15 minutes), it’s time to get back to your normal activities.
4. Accept your fears
Instead of trying to chase away your anxiety, try to accept it and the message it is trying to send you. Sometimes, be grateful for your anxiety because it helps you know you’re okay. You can try to saying something like this, “Thank you, Anxiety, for trying to keep me safe.”
5. Self-compassion
I encourage my clients to replace self-criticism with self-compassion. When you’re stressed or feel like you’ve made a mistake, you can simply say kind words to yourself. By responding with self-compassion, you can retrain your thinking patterns to realize that you are worthy of compassion and forgiveness, especially when you make mistakes and are imperfect.
6. Avoid using the Internet and social media
I know it’s tempting to look for information online to ease your anxiety and help you make decisions, but that’s rarely helpful. If you have a tendency to overthink, the internet is more likely to fuel your anxiety and make you feel more overwhelmed and uncertain. So, avoid to do these online activities:
(1) Self-diagnosis. Trying to find out what’s wrong with you or your loved one online is the wrong approach. It can make you feel sick when you’re not sick, and if you are sick, it can give you a false sense of security that you’re not sick.
When you are sick, please see a doctor. It’s the only thing that can truly relax your mind and is the best thing for your health.
(2) Online research. Research, reading product/service reviews, or other forms of online information gathering can lead to information overload, misinformation, and heightened anxiety.
(3) Social media. Social media is a hotbed of social comparison. We often feel worse when we compare ourselves to others online — it’s not a fair comparison because all you see is someone else’s “highlights.”
(4) Read/watch/listen to the news. Most news is “bad news,” which conveys a distorted perspective that focuses on problems and disasters, leading us to exaggerate the likelihood of bad things happening.
7. Distract yourself
Sometimes, some traditional methods of distraction can be helpful. Doing something particularly fun can be a great distraction, such as playing a crossword puzzle that requires concentration outside, in a new space, while running errands, or in the shower.
8. Learn to calm and relax your body and mind
Overthinking can also be alleviated by increasing relaxing activities, such as meditation, exercise, listening to soothing music, massage, aromatherapy, and more.
9. Give up perfection
In most cases, you don’t need to make a perfect decision or be a perfect person. “Good enough” really is good enough!
One of my favorite mottos is “Imperfect to make progress” because it reminds me that I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to keep learning.
