A Comprehensive Guide to Knowing Yourself
A pathway to self-knowledge and unlimited potential
Over several millennia ago, a philosophical maxim was engraved into the temple of Apollo, “Know Thyself”. In the following centuries, it has been interpreted in various ways by different philosophers. “Know your faults,” “Know your limits” and so on. But the most profound interpretation, in my opinion, was by German Philosopher Immanuel Kant. He saw “Know thyself” as an ethical commandment to know one’s own heart and understand the motives behind one’s actions.
Much of philosophical knowledge is lost to history and a modern person may wonder the importance of ancient wisdom in this radically different and modern world. Despite the radical societal and technological changes that have occurred, the psychological and moral burdens of mankind seem immune to change.
There is a common saying that today is the best time to be alive, which I believe indeed to be true. The world we live in is a world of abundance, it is a world of opportunities. Yet, it’s also a world rife with chaos.
Millions are trapped in a cycle of mundane tasks, seeking solace in addictive digital distractions, and being constantly bombarded by apocalyptic and anxiety-inducing news. It is like running on a treadmill but getting nowhere.
Immersed in this sea of confusion, we are the captains of our ships, navigating the vast ocean of life. Without a compass guiding us towards our true desires, we risk drifting aimlessly to an undesirable harbour or blindly following the fleet.
I recall a pivotal moment in my educational journey when we were asked to choose subjects that would determine our future career paths. Many of my peers opted for subjects either selected by their friends or those considered prestigious by society’s standards. Only a handful appeared to have a clear vision of what they genuinely wanted.
Fast forward to university, those few classmates I kept in touch with mostly did not find their courses meaningful and were merely striving to earn a degree.
I was fortunate enough to take on psychology as one of my fields of study and I was always fascinated by the mysteries of human behaviour. Why do we do things we can’t explain? Are we, in some ways, mysterious to ourselves? Do we know what we want from life?
In the mainstream wellness and mindfulness space, there is an emphasis on self-awareness with its numerous advantages such as high esteem, career success and so much more. However, it’s essential to understand that self-awareness is merely a stepping stone to something better: self-knowledge [1].
Self-awareness is knowing our behaviours, emotions, beliefs etc. but self-knowledge delves deeper, seeking to understand the reasons behind these behaviours and beliefs.
Sun Tzu is quoted to have said “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles”
Knowing ourselves gives us a better direction of what we want our life to be to have purpose and meaning in our lives. Some studies have shown that having purpose increases longevity and also improves our relationships with others.
I wrote more about why it is important to know ourselves in the article
I would like to share three ways that we can get insight into who we are. They are by no means the only ones. They include:
- Intrapersonal sources such as introspection, self-assessment questions and self-observation
- Interpersonal sources
- Psychological sources such as personality tests, therapy
1. Intrapersonal sources
Introspection
Introspection is a process of self-examination that deals with what we think of ourselves. We look inside and explore our emotions, thoughts, fears, motivations etc. Introspection involves us contemplating why we do what we do, or why we feel a certain way. Through this process, we can yield self-insight into our behaviours and desires [2]
In the current fast-paced and loud world we live in, introspection should be done in a quiet and distraction-free place and time.
For many people, introspection is followed by some kind of writing such as journaling to make our thoughts clearer and concrete.
Self-assessment questions
For many people who hate sitting alone in silence, you can introspect with the guidance of self-assessment questions.
We are multifaceted individuals. To get a broad-stroke picture of who we are, we would need to answer questions about different facets of ourselves. These can include your strengths, weaknesses, values, motivations, passions, temperament
Here are a few questions to spark your introspective journey:
- Strengths: What was the last problem you solved? What do people compliment you about? What do people run to you for help with?
- Weaknesses: What activities do you find boring? What activities do you dread? What drains your cognitive energy? What do you procrastinate about?
- Passions: What activities keep you so engrossed that you lose track of time?
- Interests: What steals your attention? What topics or activities fascinate you?
- Limiting Beliefs: What goals or plans have you abandoned over time, and why?
These are by no means an exhaustive list of questions but by answering them as honestly as you can, you are at a starting point towards understanding yourself better.
Self- observation
Watch yourself like a stranger
Taking a third-person point of view serves to reduce mental fog and inaccurate self-concepts about ourselves. This allows us to objectively see the actions and behaviours. How do you watch yourself like a stranger?
a. Think like a novelist
When novelists are creating characters, they give them different traits that define who they are. Apply this to yourself. Take a look at your day and outline the traits that you displayed during the day, the actions you took, and the words you said. One way of defining your character is by questioning your reasons regarding what you did during the entire day or week. For example, Do I like to please others? Am I lying to myself? Etc. From these answers, you can generate a character of yourself and define their traits.
b. Journal in the third person
Most people journal in the first person, describing events, their rationale for doing things, the emotions involved and so much more. This information is also valuable but likely to get inaccurate stories due to corrupted self-image biases.
It is insightful to journal about the day’s events in the third person without judgement. (For example, instead of “I was angry and argued with my friend ”, write “Tommy had an argument with his friend”).
This enables us to take a bird’s eye view of ourselves and see ourselves rationally. You can begin to ask questions like “What kind of person does these things or says these things.”
2. Psychological sources
Take a personality test
Our personalities are the enduring tendencies and characteristics that affect how we see the world, why we do the things we do and so much more. Your personality sheds some light on who you are and your natural tendencies.
There are various personality frameworks but the most relied on are the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and the Big 5 personality model.
Some versions of these exist online such as the 16-personalities.com and big 5 test
Your personality gives you knowledge about your natural mental states that affect the lens through which you see the world and how you interact with it.
3. Interpersonal sources
Interpersonal sources of self-knowledge mainly involve feedback from others.
Numerous studies[3, 4]show how flawed we are with introspection methods. These flaws stem from intrapersonal biases and defence mechanisms from psychoanalysis. The stories we tell ourselves are usually not accurate. There are mental mechanisms that make us make wrong judgments about ourselves such as Repression- where people deliberately remove certain thoughts, feelings, or memories from their conscious awareness, especially terrible memories or hurtful emotions. Biases such as self-serving bias, self-deception bias and many others.
Therefore, while introspective methods are crucial, it’s equally important to seek external perspectives.
Feedback
Some researchers argue that feedback is a better avenue to self-knowledge than intrapersonal avenues. Constructive feedback from trusted individuals can shed light on our blind spots.
There are many ways to gather people’s opinions and ideas of who you are, such as talking to friends and colleagues but in my opinion, forms and surveys are excellent options.
Of course, one should choose people whose opinions are relevant and trustworthy since people can also have their prejudices and biases about us.
Everyone perceives us through their unique lenses, and their observations can provide valuable insights we might overlook.
Talk to a clinical psychologist or therapist
All the information collected above is valuable but there’s information that we cannot get from any tools or any colleagues. This information can be obtained by talking to a clinical psychologist or therapist.
These professionals can diagnose disorders that may affect our behaviour such as neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD, autism, dyslexia etc.
They can identify the underlying traumas or addictions, maladaptive thought patterns and behaviours that may affect us.
Bringing It All Together
With all this information, what do you do with it?
The goal of knowing a lot of information about yourself is not to just sleep on it. It is to develop a good self-concept- an accurate belief and picture of ourselves. To have personal authority over our weaknesses, biases, mental states etc.
One step to achieving this is to write a short autobiography about yourself based on the information given to you.
For creative people who dread writing about themselves, it can be useful to write about yourself in the third person, like a character in a novel but with all your dreams, fears, strengths and all the information about you. This gives you a clear picture of who you are as a person.
A dear friend cleverly suggested feeding all the information in the third person point of view into an AI large language model, of course without sensitive information that can be traced to you. Large language models are good at synthesizing information and can answer any questions about the information given to them.
Concluding thoughts
By triangulating intrapersonal, psychological and interpersonal sources of self-knowledge, you gain a sophisticated, 360-degree understanding of yourself — your shadows as well as your light. Our thoughts, beliefs and circumstances keep on changing and thus self-knowledge is an ongoing journey, not a destination.
The adventure awaits, taking the first step will launch you lightyears ahead on your personal evolution journey. I wish you clarity and compassion as you illuminate the mysterious genius that is you!
I have a FREE 80+ self-discovery questions guide if you want to explore the journey to self-discovery
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