A Personal Ramble
I haven’t written for a while, pardon my lack of direction, in writing, and in life.
It has been 262 days. 8.6 months and a very long time since I last posted something on Medium. I have found myself in a time far ahead since then, but to be honest, I haven’t found myself anywhere better since then.
For around a month or so I had stuck to a strict schedule of posting on Medium. I watched as my follower count grew and my interactions increased. I found myself addicted to the growth and the possibilities. I was researching what I could do to improve my writing and to get better and better. I thought that maybe for once in my life I would stick by something and keep it going. I could see the future: I was telling everyone how I did it; how I found my calling; my success; and that everything had fallen into place.
In retrospect, my brief writing stint dropped off the face of my very small world and into my personal oblivion of a trash bin. My writing returned to the half-assed essays and reports that were required by university. My part-time work and monotonous schooling took over. Other than the occasional socializing and time I spent with those close to me, my life started to mean nothing to me.
It’s in moments like this (me writing) or even when I’m being conscious of -
3 days later…
*Correction, 3 meaningless days later.
As I was saying, it’s moments, such as when I’m writing that I feel that I become conscious of time. All those months of procrastinating and time-wasting start to hit. Every second that I’m just sitting at my desk, searching up the next random fact that falls into my brain, playing video games, scrolling through Instagram reels, etc, all starts to hit. All those seconds start to matter.
I guess I could start journaling more and perhaps start holding myself more accountable for my time and the impending mortality of everything.
“Why waste all these seconds when I could be making more use of it?”, I ask myself.
But in all honesty, I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t think I’ll know soon enough, but eventually. But I have to work for that, I can’t go on for another year like this. But I’m also not going to know the moment everything changes for me. Once I get to the end of it all, maybe I’ll pick a point in my life where it happened. For now, I hope you at least finished reading this personal ramble.
Consider reading some of my more thought-out posts :)
