A Roundtrip To My School Trauma.
This is my first time sharing a personal experience or, more precisely, one of the most difficult phases of my life. I have been thinking about sharing it with someone for a long time. So here I am, opening up to you guys. I'm sharing it just because I felt like talking about it with someone.
Let's begin!
Back in school, when I was a little more careful. Yeah! You read it right, careful I'll explain it later because most of the kids going to school are considered to be carefree and much more cheerful. Apologies! I was not that kind. I'll enlighten you with the reasons later.
So, where were we?
Yes! Back in my school days, I was not much of a carefree child. I was someone who craved friendship and love from others. That's why I got easily attached to my peers and was friendly and honest with others. And to my innocence, or should I say to my foolishness, expected the same from them.
Since we had to relocate, I should note that I finished my education at two different institutions. My second school is where I had this encounter.
Getting back to it, I made some friends and was very happy about it. We were like a group of 5–6 girls. They're still my friends ). One of them, let's call her jade became my best friend, at least I thought that. I got attached to her and assumed she felt the same ( BFF thing). She was a really cute and sweet girl. I liked her.
We had daily conversations, ate lunch together, and joked around. Jade and I became friends, and it made me feel alive and deserving. Because I place high importance on friendship, that may be why I’ve always had a small circle of close pals.
Things were going super fun between us. I mean our group. And our friendship blossomed with time. It was about two years or so when we had these two new editions for our group. I wasn't jealous or something.
Okay! Let's admit I was jealous. But it was only because Jade started to invest more time with them, and I felt neglected. Isn't it normal to be jealous?
Damn! I was being neglected, and that pissed me off.
But being the kind girl I am, I chose to ignore them. And reassured me that nothing would change between us because we are all just a bunch of adorable tiny pals who would stay that way forever.
Now that is what I call delusional, and I don't feel ashamed to admit I was being stupid there. Soon Jade gave me almost a heart attack by informing me that those two new editions were her BFFs now.
That moment broke my heart, and I thought about discussing things with her because she still was my friend, if not my best friend. But guess what? I didn't because she never claimed to be my best friend. And it was me who was continuously daydreaming.
I just plastered a smile on my crybaby's face and decided to act cool. But it didn't work even a little because somewhere deep inside me, I was not able to handle the turn of events. When I returned to my home, I cried a lot. I was sobbing at night and asking myself:
What was my fault?
Why did it happen to me?
Is there a fault in me?
Did I not try to adjust enough?
And I didn't get any of the answers.
Things changed for the worse sometime later. I guessed when they assessed that I was giving them much more importance. I should not call it being bullied, but it was not much different because they were playing me.
Is it a thing kids do to each other? I mean unnecessarily ignoring someone, not talking to them, cornering them, and when they plead to get the answer, you just get away by saying that you were just having fun. This thing happened to me a lot, and somehow I learned to cope with it.
I hope I'm not boring you guys with my crybaby story. But you know what? Everyone is different. Some people are not that emotional and are emotionally stable. I was not one of them, but I learned things the hard way with time.
It's like when fate kicks you right in the stomach. It hurts a lot. This is the way I learned my biggest life lessons.
But I don’t blame them for that because I have now matured and most importantly they have matured.
Here are some questions I would like to answer myself:
- How did it affect me?
Experiences like this are like living your worst nightmares. As I already mentioned, I was in school it was traumatizing for me to go through such things. Many of you might think that shouldn't be something called traumatizing, but for me, it was. As we all have different standards for being attached to someone and different people see the same thing differently.
Being extremely emotional served as the biggest drawback.
I could not focus on my studies properly because my mind kept wondering about the things happening to me.
I had many mood swings, and I wasn't completely stable emotionally.
I was neglecting my health and couldn't open up to my parents.
2. How did I cope with it?
In the beginning, I didn't know what to do or who to approach, and the only person I could confide in was my pillow and me. Every morning was like living through the same hell again and again. But as they say ;
when life throws lemons at you, make lemonade.
So did I. It was never easy to accept things as they were, but I had to. Crying daily and cursing fate were serving no good. I decided to take charge of my life. It was difficult in the beginning, but it did work.
I think I should write separately on this topic. What do you think? Please let me know.
3. Am I still friends with them?
The answer is yes because people change with time. They realize their mistakes, and we can always sort things out if the other person is ready. They are now my close friends and have changed a lot. Now we all respect each other and have made some great memories.
What would you have done if you were in my place?
4. What did I learn?
Now it may seem harsh, but the most important thing I learned from my experiences is not to trust people too easily and learn to get a hold of your emotions.
Thank you!
Did you guys ever experience something like that?
If yes, How did you cope with your pain?
Thank you for your time and for reading it. If you have any piece of advice, I'll be more than happy to hear it. Do give me your feedback. If you want to encourage me to produce better writing, please follow me to show your support.
