Women can’t rape men
Here’s why
I was scrolling down Medium and an article popped up “Daphne Bridgerton raped her husband and why it’s important to not romanticize it”. I quickly changed from my writing user to my reading user to click on it and read it. And I was astonished. It’s not that I disagree with her premisses, without having watched the show, the way Yia Vue narrates the scene fully qualifies as rape, however, there’s something worth talking about:
The secret ingredient of a rape
Fancy as it may sound, this “missing ingredient” is absolutely terrifying, especially if you’ve been in this situation. It’s not the lack of consensus, it’s not the repeated signaling that you don’t want to enter the sexual act, it’s the fear that keeps you in the situation because the other person is more powerful than you are.
This powerfulness doesn’t have to be physical and it’s not so much power as privileged in a sense. Let’s list characteristics that determine if the rapist in question is more powerful than you are:
- You believe that it’s going to be hard to be heard and taken seriously if you tell what’s happening to a third party
- You are willing to handle pain for the other’s pleasure because you believe their desires are to be honored before yours
