Afraid to Be
I think the only version of ourselves that is real is the one we see when we look in the mirror
And somehow, that’s the version we are afraid to be….
I think we’re all afraid to be
We all want to be the version of us that we can create and not the version we were created as.
Truth is, I don’t think it’s bad
I don’t think it’s bad to seek perfection
I don’t think it’s too selfish a wish to want to be better
To walk through the fire and burn off all the impurities that conceal our most valuable forms
Truth is, as long as man can, he will always try to change the parts of him he does not love
So, no, I don’t have a problem with the man on a journey of self-improvement
I just think there’s a thin line between self-improvement and self-hate or a loss of identity
In a bid to become one’s best self, I’ve seen many a man become someone else
Someone they cannot connect to
An image they can only project but never be
And so, each step towards rejecting the parts and experiences that sum up their being takes them farther away from themselves and closer to nothingness
A fluke
A mirage
A puppet
The perfect image of someone else
In the pursuit of perfection, they stray farther from perfection
For to be perfect is to become the best version of a thing, a person, or whatever.
And perfection is imperfect till it is perfected and becomes perfect
But perfect never ceases to be what it was
For perfect is perfection attained
And so! To be perfect, one must be
As the stone doesn’t go through fire to become pure gold, one doesn’t undergo perfection to become another
But that’s what you’ve tried to attain
A change of person
A miracle
An anomaly
A stranger
Anything but perfect
I get it, though
There’s so much I don’t want to be
So much you don’t like that you are
But a person is the sum of their experiences – good, bad and the ugly
There’s a way only you will ever be able to see the world, and the probability of replicating that is one out of 7 billion+
Take away our scars, our pasts, our moulds, and our environments and we become nothing – no one
But we loathe our pasts and try to erase them with a future, but instead, we create two paintings on one canvas, so our present becomes two paintings struggling to cast one image.
We loathe our mistakes and try to walk a path void of our sins, but instead, we become liars and deceivers because in trying to live spotless we sell the illusion of perfection
We loathe our scars and try to cover them, and so we live the rest of our lives tending healed wounds and inflicting new ones on our minds
We try so hard to misdirect everyone’s gaze from who we really are by playing the role of the person we wish we could be and instead become the perfect cast for someone else’s biopic.
We end up attracting people who are attracted to the people we claim to be and somehow can’t figure out why we feel lonely
Why nobody knows us – understands us – sees us
Our strategy for acceptance, self-rejection
Our strategy for admiration, self-hate
Our strategy for visibility, self-concealment
Our strategy for perfection, illusion
If our quests for perfection lead us to become someone else – the people we wish we were, can we truly claim to have attained perfection?
Yet we paint pictures of other people and force ourselves to believe we are those people and live plagued by multiple personalities
Why?
Cos we are so afraid to be
For to be is to accept ourselves with our flaws
But it doesn’t mean to remain.
To be is a continuous process of affirming one’s new state while retaining all of the inputs that created them
For gold is gold in the ore and gold in the fire and gold in the refined form. It’s a sum of all its journey, and so are you.
So, be
Be you to the full extent that you can be
Be you in the healing of your wounds and be you in the scars that remain
Be you in the pursuit of your dreams and be you in the contrast of your starting point
Be you in the adjustments of your habits and be you in the appreciation of your journey
Be you in the polishing of your person and be you underneath all of the shine
If you’re ever going to be better, be sure to become a better version of yourself, not a version that you’re not
Deep down you know who you really are and regardless of who the world wants to see, make sure you continually project your true self
The world may not find you aesthetically pleasing but you’ll always be surrounded by people who don’t burden you with the pressure to keep up the act of being someone else
Now, tomorrow, yesterday and forever, be.
For that is all you were meant to be.
So, be.
