All the Fun of the Fair
A lost childs sweater provides the opportunity to catch out a lying cheat
For a long time I suspected my wife was having an affair. Of course she denied it. Then one Sunday we went to a theme park for the afternoon with our joyfully noisy children.
The afternoon passed pleasantly enough going on all the rides and soon it was time to leave as the park was about to close.
Suddenly we realised that our son had lost a brand new sweater we had just bought. The tannoy announced that we had just fifteen minutes to leave the park before they closed the gates.
So we decided to split up so that we could cover more ground more rapidly, retracing our steps to try to find the sweater. My wife took the children one way and I headed off back from where we had been earlier.
After a futile search of half the park I decided to head back to the carpark to where we had parked her car. I arrived before her and decided to make a cup of tea whilst I waited with a flask of hot water and a tea bag she had stashed somewhere in her car.
Looking in the glove compartment for the teabags I found a packet of Durex condoms. I also found a map and directions to a country retreat rented by her suspected lover boss. And I found a pair of mens socks that were not mine.
Suddenly I could hear my wife coming up the hill to the carpark with our noisy children. I quickly put everything back in the glove box and sat and went out to the trunk of the car and pretended to be searching for the teabags.
“What are you doing?“ she thundered as she approached the car.
“Looking for the teabags?“ I replied as nonchalantly as I could.
“Liar, you’ve been rooting through my car!“ she replied tersely. “You drive us back whilst I keep this lot under control.” She commanded. We got the children all strapped into their seats and set off.
A mile down the road she suddenly commanded me to pull in at the next gas station for fuel. “Pull in here for fuel.”
“There’s half a tankful, plenty to get home.” I said calmly. She was acting very nervously.
“I don’t care, I said pull in to get gas.“ she said strongly.
I decided to pull in to appease her and to see what she was up to. I pulled up at the petrol pumps and stopped the car.
“Put five dollars in.” She ordered.
I go out and put the fuel in the car. Then I walked over to the shop to pay. I stepped inside the shop and stopped just inside the door, out of sight. I counted to five and stepped back outside and looked towards the car.
What I saw was a woman acting like a demented wild animal, her arms flailing about like a windmill in a storm. She was hysterically pulling all the contents out of her glovebox. No worries on my part, I had taken nothing. So I went back inside the shop and paid.
I went back to the car and she was furious.
“You were rooting.“ she spat accusingly.
“I told you, I was looking for teabags.” I replied as innocently as I could. Of course, I wanted to challenge her about the contraceptives, but we had a car full of children and I did not want a blazing row whilst driving home.
Back at home the children piled out of the car and went to play in the garden. I sat on the porch wooden bench. She came and sat next to me. For a few calm moments we sat in silence.
Eventually I said to her “I was looking for teabags. What I found by chance was a packet of three durex. Would you like to explain that to me?“
“I knew it, I knew it, you were rooting.” she said. Then suddenly she leapt up from the bench and ran inside the house. From the bench I could see she was on the living room telephone. Puzzled I sat and waited. A few minutes later she came out and sat back next to me.
“Well” she said calmly, “I’ve spoken to Janet(her best friend) and she says she carries them everywhere she goes. It’s no big deal.”
I could not believe that that was what she thought would pass for a suitable reason or excuse for what I had found. Either this woman and her friend were as thick as pig shit or they thought that I was.
“I’m not fecking married to Janet.” I said in anger. “I don’t give a flying feck what Janet does or doesn’t do. What, she takes them to the supermarket in case she gets the chance for a quicky with a stranger in the carpark?
Ok, we have a beautiful family with children. Can you just think about them for a few moments instead of just you?”
She cast her eyes towards the children tumbling happily around the garden in a world of their own.
“Oh,I think children are very resilient.” she said selfishly.
In other words, “I don’t give a shit about the children, I’m having a great time shagging and nothing, not you nor them, is going to stop me.”
At this point I realised all was lost. My marriage was over bar all the screaming and shouting. When your partner puts their own self interest, their own pleasure seeking, above the well being of her own children, there is nothing left to save. When you ask a simple question and they come back at you with a total stupidity, it’s time to bail out. And that is exactly what I did.