Racism

Am I a Racist?

I am half Dutch and I am half Indonesian.

Photo by Jeremy Beck on Unsplash

Am I a racist myself? That is the question I am asking myself.

I don’t know the answer. Yet. Soon I will, I hope.

I don’t understand racism. In what way don’t I understand racism, then? Well, I don't know, either. I really don’t know. I really don’t know what racism means for black people. I really don’t know what racism means if you’re excluded in participating what you want.

Yes, I have been bullied but does that count my bullies are racist towards me because they already knew and they were aware that I was ‘different’ — besides playing the violin?

Photo courtesy of the author. Just me — the author.

I knew then that I am a half Indonesian and half Dutch woman, but as a kid, I wasn’t aware of differences, what it meant. To me, it was just a fact that I was half Dutch and half Indonesian. I knew it and I saw people were not really the same color, but I am not black. I am more white?! But I really don't know how to explain it.

I don’t know why they bullied me. They told me I had lice, which was not true! But maybe there is another explanation? I don’t know. It is guessing…