Am I the only one who has driving anxiety?
Why is it so hard to do things other people find easy…
My relationship with cars is ambivalent. On the one hand, I am part of the Top Gear fan club, on the other, I am terrified of driving. Although it wasn’t always like this. As an aspiring 16-year-old drummer, I only wanted an old van to drive my instrument to different gigs. But that enthusiasm didn’t last long. On the contrary, it got swapped with an unreasonable and unexplainable fear of driving.
So the driver’s license was hidden in some drawer for about 10 years.
But lately, life got in the way of me pretending that cars don’t exist. So I had to pull the driver’s license out of the dark corner of my room and use that dusty plastic reminder of better days to drive.
Oh, and did I mention, that I had access to a car all the time I ignored the fact I could drive?
Yes. There were means and opportunities. But not enough willpower to conquer this giant monster lurking around the car; Driving anxiety.
Somehow this monster only visited my car. My family wasn’t fazed by it. My neighbors seemed to collect cars. Everybody in the town drove around like they were all having a Sunday barbecue with the Toretto’s. So I had to face it on my own. Unfortunately, all the lore about tackling monsters (which is totally a real thing and not something from the Supernatural franchise) like Iron, Silver, or Salt didn’t work here.
The only thing I had left, was to face it head-on.
But what exactly is driving anxiety?
Well, it is a fear or intense, unreasonable worry connected to the thought of driving a car. It can come from a trauma caused by a recent accident, a lack of confidence, a phobia, anxiety, or stress in general. I can’t quite figure out, where my anxiety came from, but I bet, that it is a combination of a lack of confidence, phobia, anxiety, and stress, spiced up with a few preexisting insecurities.
How can you tell if you are having driving anxiety?
You may be experiencing the following symptoms:
- energy drains during or after a trip
- feeling restless
- trouble concentrating
- concentrating too much
- stress and anxiety
I got to collect them all, thank you very much.
And how did I tackle this problem, once I had to start driving?
The DON’TS (in my case)
Once I was forced to use my car, I tried to prepare myself for every “what if” scenario driving anxiety could throw at me.
Let me walk you through my process:
My panic kicked in days before I had to turn on that engine, regardless of the trip being 2 minutes or 20 minutes long. The anxiety would slowly creep under my skin, pushing my whole being to the edge. When the clock was closing in on me, and there were only 2 hours left, the anxiety was as big as Anakin Skywalker’s anger issues.
My heart rate was having its own personal best, and sweat poured out of all the pores. I couldn’t eat or drink. The concentration left the building hours ago, and my tongue and brain had a falling out, so speaking was quite limited.
The only thing I could do was visualize the whole driving route. That way nothing could surprise me. A good idea, right? Right?!
No, it is not.
What did this visualization look like? I opened Google Maps and analyzed every part of the route. And by “analyzing” I mean this: Going through Google Maps, sort of like playing Geoguessr, looking at signs, crossroads, and lights, memorizing it all. Then, assessing every potential danger one could encounter (little sidenote: everything is a potential danger for an anxiety-driven brain). What if a delivery van is blocking the road, and I can’t get through? What if the road is closed, and I have to take a detour? What if there was a car accident, and I had to shift lanes?
Did this detailed research get rewarded at the end?
Not really.
Because you can’t predict what will happen next, no one can.
The location I drove towards also needed to be investigated beforehand.
I convinced myself I couldn’t drive, therefore I could not park the car either. That meant I needed at least three parking spaces for my Citroen C2 (a small red car). So what would I do? I would check the Popular Times on Google Store Info to see when the traffic would be minimal. And I would rearrange my day accordingly. A healthy approach, am I right? Yeah…
Needless to say, I was a prisoner of my anxiety.
How did I eventually overcome it?
1. Driving every day
The only thing that broke my anxiety cycle was everyday practice. It was horrifying at first, even though I only took baby steps, like driving around the block at night or practicing parking in an empty parking lot.
I dreaded that part of the day, but eventually, I built more and more confidence behind the wheel, and it got easier. Who would have thought (literally everyone I ever talked to about it)? There were occasional hiccups, like hitting a sidewalk or two, but nothing close to the doomsday scenarios I imagined. So eventually, even the simple act of entering my vehicle became, well, exactly that, simple.
2. Finding my tempo and ignoring impatient drivers behind me
One of my worst fears was, what if I upset other drivers with my incompetence? This was a mixture of my people-pleasing personality and fear of confrontation, poured over the driving anxiety.
And I did get other drivers upset. But it wasn’t because of my incompetence it was because of their impatience and ill temper. And that is something I can’t control. (I am from the Balkans, so impatience and ill temper in traffic is putting it lightly). Once I understood that concept, the fear was gone. I started to follow my tempo in driving and build further on that.
And in no time, I will be the one who honks!
3. Driving alone
Having someone to guide you while driving is helpful at the beginning of your driving journey. But after a while, I noticed that whoever was in the car with me and trying to guide me was only making the situation worse. For example, any experienced driver would be nervous about my driving. I get too close to the sidewalk, I don’t brake smoothly, and the gear change is aggressive and inconsistent like the American foreign policy.
I tend to absorb all the emotion in the given moment, so my anxiety gets topped with my copilot’s anxiety as well. And that’s when I start making mistakes.
It took me a second to realize that driving alone could be beneficial. And it was. I could focus better on my driving and the road ahead. And with every solo trip, I became a calmer driver.
4. Takling with someone about stress and anxiety
Handling the stress and anxiety in your life could be beneficial for your driving and the quality of your life. So I strongly encourage you to talk to a professional if you ever feel flooded with stress and anxiety.
To be clear, my driving anxiety didn’t disappear completely. There are still days when I can’t stand the sight of that car. And I am not sure this will ever change. But there is no more crippling fear, that wouldn’t allow me to think. So I believe I have come a long way.
Remember: Practice makes perfect!
