Are They Really Watching You?
Why do you feel everyone is focused on you and how to overcome it?
I still remember my first day at the gym. I felt anxious and worried all the time. I thought everyone was watching and judging my every move. It seemed like their eyes were glued to me.
I even thought they were mocking and making jokes behind my back. And due to this, I avoided making eye contact and interacting with anyone in the gym.
This fear of judgment led me to seek out a space where I could do my exercises without anyone around.
I am sure you have experienced this type of nervous feeling too.
It is common to feel this way when you face an unfamiliar situation like the first day at your job or eating at a new place, or you feel something odd in yourself. We all have that moment when we thought we had a bad haircut and felt like everybody was staring at us.
Why We Feel Everyone Is Focused on Us
We feel like this because we see the world from our perspective. It’s like playing an open-world game in the first person. In other words, we see the world from our point of view and perceive what others think based on our understanding.
We are self-centered beings and focus on ourselves a lot. And since we are so familiar with ourselves even a small difference in our appearance or behavior becomes noticeable to us.
That’s why when we feel something odd in ourselves. We fear that everybody else will notice our imperfections and start judging.
‘“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” — Seneca
In reality, no one cares as much as we do. People have their concerns and thoughts to occupy their minds. They hardly have time to think about others. They are self-focused and they rarely notice minor things and even if they do, they forget after some time.
In a study, students were asked to wear a Barry t-shirt and enter a room full of their peers. They were asked to guess how many of them may have noticed their t-shirt.
Students thought around 50% noticed. But, in reality only 25% of them did.
This study shows that we overestimate how much others think of us.
Its impact on mental health
Caring about what others think is completely normal. It’s a natural human tendency. But problems arise when you start taking it seriously.
I am talking about serious issues like anxiety, depression, and insecurities. It can even lead to a state of self-isolation and dissatisfaction.
Also, it can affect your performance in certain situations. Imagine you have to speak publicly, but because you care too much words won’t come out of your mouth and you start stammering. Despite having good knowledge of your topic, you feel like a fool. Imagine how embarrassing it would be.
Worrying about others’ judgment will hold you back from doing what you love or are passionate about. It may kill your serious talents and you may never be true to yourself.
You may never enjoy your life and do things that can make you happy like dancing, singing, or even eating alone all because of fear of being judged. This can lead to serious mental health problems.
Many talents remain hidden from the world because of fear of being judged.
How to overcome it
No matter how hard or what you try, these thoughts will creep into your mind. It is a natural phenomenon you cannot escape from. However, it is under your control how you respond to it.
So here are some techniques to control it:
1. Stay Aware
The first step is to be aware of these thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking about others, recognize it and remind yourself it’s not true. Tell your mind to stop making fake scenarios.
Remind yourself everybody is busy with their task and preoccupied with their thoughts. They have their insecurities they are worried about. So they have no time to think of you.
2. See from another perspective
If you find yourself worrying about others. See yourself from others’ perspective. Imagine how they see you. Put yourself in their shoes.
Would you notice the same things you worry about in someone else? Get a clearer view by doing this.
For example, if you feel embarrassed about your outfit, look at what others wear and remember how much you care about what they wear. This helps you worry less about judgment.
3. Ask others
If you can’t shake the feeling people are judging you because you feel something weird about yourself. Ask someone close to you if the thing you are worried about is noticeable.
It may be your friend or family member. most of the time you will find it is less noticeable than you think.
4. Practice self-compassion
You will feel insecure and anxious if you do not accept yourself and try to compare with others. But remember you are unique and there are probably things about you that others find attractive or admire, even if you don’t notice because of your insecurities.
So love yourself and accept your insecurities and you will find peace with yourself.
5. Learn from children
Children are always happy and carefree in their world. They play, laugh and do whatever comes to mind. Their brains have no concept of judgment or what others think. They are focused on their world.
Like a child, you have to be fully present in your work and you will have no time to think about others’ opinions.
Conclusion
Remember everyone has their insecurities and concerns, and people are more focused on themselves than on you. Embrace your uniqueness and pursue your passions with confidence.
