Are You Stopping Yourself from Healing?
Take the mask off.
When we speak to our friends and families about how our lives are going, we often put on this mask of what we think is perfection. We often boast of the shiny things we’ve bought, the places we’ve traveled to, or the accomplishments we’ve achieved, thinking that showing anything “less-than” would diminish peoples’ perceptions of us.
So as a result of this fear of showing anyone the more vulnerable and personal sides of ourselves, everything we share with the world is superficial and surface level.
Unfortunately, this way of thinking bleeds into our prayer life.
We pray to the Lord (who mind you — knows and sees all things) as if nothing is less-than-perfect in our souls.
In our night prayers, we tell Him of all the things that went well through the day. We tell Him of our so-called great accomplishments. We may even pray for other people and that situations may improve, but we forget our own souls need work and healing, too.
We each have wounds and walls that we put up that stop the Lord from entering our hearts and giving us the healing that He wants for us.
Here are three steps to the path to vulnerability with the Lord:
Step 0: Find a Spiritual Director and/or a Therapist
Before I start, let me preface by saying these steps can be challenging (and sometimes counteractive) to do on your own, so find a spiritual director who can help guide you through these steps.
Spiritual direction is an art similar to counseling but focused on helping the director see God spiritually in their lives, so it’s best to have a director, who is usually your parish pastor, to guide you through this experience.
You may also need the help of a licensed therapist to help you through some deeper traumas.
Nonetheless, it’s always helpful to see how far you can get in this process on your own, and if you notice any difficulty, take note of this in a journal and stop where you are until you can find a spiritual director or therapist who can help you move forward.
Step One: Self-Reflection with the Lord
In this step, we ask the Lord to help us find a timeframe to take inventory of the events that happened in our lives.
This timeframe we examine could be a window of any time from the past day, week, or even a span of several years at a time (ie your childhood, teenage years, early marriage, etc.) if this is the first time you’ve taken a self-inventory.
If you are examining the latter, examine the big occurrences in that space of time such as:
- how your parents spent time with and treated you
- how you changed mentally as you transitioned into adolescence
- your first love or proper relationship
- your first heartbreak
- your first child
- your interactions at work
- loss of a loved one
You may even bring to light certain habits you have that cause anxiety, such as perfectionism, a tendency to procrastinate, etc.
The most important part of this stage is observing the feelings, difficulties, and behaviors you have encountered. Use a journal to document as much as possible.
Feeling bad?
Know that you may start to feel emotions that you have never allowed yourself to feel before and you may even start to blame or shame yourself in this process.
When you notice self-condemning thoughts as you gather information about past events in your life, do your best to go back to a place where you can simply observe the feelings and write down exactly what you are feeling, instead of giving in to these negative thoughts.
However, if this is your first time and these feelings are too much for you to handle, that’s okay.
Just take note of this and take a break for now, but know that these red lights point to a deeper wound that needs healing. Don’t give in to shame, telling yourself that you are weak.
This is important: don’t beat yourself up.
Knowing that the Lord sees you are doing your best and feeling weakness is an important step in being vulnerable with God.
Step 2: How Did That Make You Feel?
We then ask God in prayer to help us interpret why these events and habits wound us and make us anxious.
For example, if you’re examining the anxiety that perfectionism causes in your life, start tracing your steps back to the earliest memory you had of trying your best to be perfect, and see if you can identify a trigger event.
As you recall your memories, you may even realize that the smallest act or gesture towards you is what caused this dramatic snowball of anxiety and perfectionism today.
You may realize that your perfectionism as an adult was caused by a time when you were made fun of in elementary school when you answered a problem incorrectly in front of your class.
Perhaps you remember the first time you felt a sense of rejection when you showed your mom or dad a painting you were proud of and they didn’t give you the praise you needed.
In these examples, your perfectionism may be fueled by the anxiety of feeling rejected.
Now apply this framework as you interpret other feelings you encounter as you break down the big events in your life.
Our imperfections usually take us back to a previously inflicted wound, and yes — although the event has long gone 10, 20, or 30-plus years ago, you need to bring these wounds to the Lord so that He may heal them.
Step 3: Find God in the Suffering
In this step, we ask ourselves: where was God and what was He asking us to do in these events?
No matter what age we are, we are God’s children, and God is our Loving Father.
Whether you have walked through this process of vulnerability by yourself or with a spiritual director, our Loving Father has helped you uncover these hurtful things in your heart not to hurt you, but solely because He wants to show His love to you in those wounds.
Where was He when I was suffering?
In the times that you felt alone in your suicidal thoughts, God revealed that He was right next to you, sharing your tears and sorrows.
In the times your heart was broken, so too was the Lord heartbroken beside you.
When you felt rejected, the Lord sympathizes, because He too felt rejected.
When we uncover these wounds to the Lord, we realize that we were never alone to begin with, because He was truly with us the entire time.
This is the key to finding the healing we need in our hearts. This will take time to fully heal from our wounds. We may never “fully heal” either during our earthly lives.
But now we realize that God is truly with us whether we “feel” Him or not.
Knowing now that we are never alone with the God who is always with us makes our troubles easier to bear, as God’s yoke is “easy, and [His] burden is light” (Matthew 11:30).
Our healing starts when we recognize and trust in God’s love for us, even in the difficult moments of our lives.
So what exactly is He asking us to do?
He simply asks us to let Him in.
If you’re feeling depressed and hopeless, share your sadness with Him.
Or if you’re feeling overanxious and frantic, rushing from one task to the next, ask Him to help you focus and the grace to see and do His will.
Perhaps you’re struggling with an addiction. Invite Him into your heart and know that resting in Him is how you will be delivered from your vices.
Let Him in, and cooperate with Him to heal you.
It’s impossible to do heart surgery on a patient who is fighting against the doctor.
So too must you let the Divine Physician work on your heart.
