Navigating the Holiday Season:
Balancing Overwhelm and Overgiving
The holiday season is upon us, a time of joy, connection, and, often, overwhelming expectations. If you’re someone who tends to overgive or have certain ideas of what you “should” be doing, this time of year can be particularly challenging. The desire to make everything perfect for everyone else can lead to mental overload and a loss of personal joy and fulfillment.
Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year but this year, it’s been a weird holiday season. My daughter who is a dancer dislocated her knee and had to have her mpfl replaced with surgery. Followed by 6 months of physical therapy. It was great to be on the other side of all of that when my husband dislocated his knee just one week later and had the same surgery the week before Thanksgiving.
So currently, he is on crutches, can’t drive, can’t lift, you get the picture. It’s made what is typically an extremely challenging month even more stressful. Considering how behind I am, I decided I’m going to have to change my expectations and not do all the things I normally would. I’m ok with this and I think my family is too. Some people may not see me at their party this year and some may get gifts after the holiday and I’ve decided it’s worth it to keep my own self at peace and not be burnt out by the top of the year. Plus I don’t think my family wants a grouch for Christmas. But if you’re someone who wants everything perfect, this could lead to a lot of unhappiness.
Understanding Your Tendencies During the Holidays
Overgiving during the holidays might look like spending hours searching for the perfect gifts, cooking elaborate meals, or attending every social gathering, often at the expense of your own well-being. While these actions are driven by love and the desire to please, check in with yourself because it can also stem from a deeper place of seeking approval and validation.
The Impact on Your Well-being
The constant overextension of yourself can lead to burnout, resentment, and a feeling of being underappreciated. Or you may feel disappointed in yourself when you fail to meet your high expectations. It’s crucial to recognize that continuously putting others’ needs above your own can create an imbalance, not just in your relationships, but in your personal health and well-being.
Reflecting on Your Holiday Patterns
Ask yourself: Are my efforts to create the perfect holiday experience coming at the expense of my own peace and happiness? Do I feel that my efforts are being taken for granted? It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and understand that your needs are just as important as those of others.
Communicating and Setting Boundaries
Approaching your loved ones with honesty and vulnerability about your feelings can be a powerful step. Share your realization about overgiving and express your desire to find a more balanced way to enjoy the holiday season. For example, you might say, “I love making the holiday season special for everyone, but I’ve realized that I often end up feeling overwhelmed. I want to find a way to enjoy our time together without overextending myself.”
Practical Tips for a Balanced Holiday Season
1. Prioritize Self-Care: Ensure you’re setting aside time for relaxation and activities that you enjoy.
2. Delegate Responsibilities: Remember, it’s okay to ask for help. Share holiday tasks with family and friends.
3. Set Realistic Expectations: It’s not about creating a perfect holiday but a joyful and meaningful one.
4. Practice Saying No: It’s okay to decline invitations or responsibilities that are too much for your current capacity.
Remember, You’re Not Alone
The holiday season can amplify feelings of inadequacy and the pressure to please others. But it’s also a time for self-reflection and growth. As you navigate this season, remember that your well-being is as important as the joy you bring to others. Your efforts to create a balanced holiday experience not only benefit you but also model healthy behavior for those around you. The holidays can be a time of joy and connection, and by setting boundaries and respecting your own needs, you can enjoy this season in a more fulfilling and balanced way.
Download my FREE “Breaking Free from ‘Should’ Thinking” Checklist for additional tips.
Founder and CEO of STAR City Life Coaching, LLC. Mary is a writer, speaker, coach, and licensed trauma therapist with over 30 years of experience supporting women.
“I support women who are done with overthinking, overgiving, overworking, and overachieving at the expense of their health, relationships, and success.”
