Behind the Mask
Escaping the prison of pretense and resurrecting the self we abandoned
In the more mature years of my adulthood, a metamorphosis began to occur within me. This change was so gradual and imperceptible that at the time it was happening, I mostly remained blissfully unaware of its unfolding. It was a journey of self-discovery, a shedding of the caricature I had so carefully cultivated as a means of deflecting the scrutiny and judgment that so often accompanies those who dare to fully embrace their authentic selves.
As a young gay man, I had learned early on to put on a mask, a carefully curated persona that was equal parts entertainer, comedian and a character I’ll call “Mr. Positivity.” No matter how badly my life was falling apart behind the curtain, everything was good — things had to be good — all the time.
With my queeny quips, animated gestures and cartoonish mannerisms, I could become the life of every gathering, a fixture whom everyone liked and wanted to be around; a court jester of sorts who made everyone laugh. Yet beneath this vibrant facade lay a calculated strategy, a desperate bid for acceptance that sacrificed authenticity at the altar of conformity.
In my childhood home, where affection and love should have been my foundation, my needs were shunned with either deafening silence…
