Bentley Driver, Puppy Thief

The cutest thing he ever stole

Joseph Yossarian
ILLUMINATION

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A solemn looking boxer puppy sitting on a wooden floor.
The boxer formerly known as Benji (Photo with permission — see footnote)

Tuesday

When I opened the front door to see the beaming fizzog of my old friend Bentley Driver on the other side — a face I’d not seen in half a year — my immediate instinct was to pat my trouser pockets to ensure my wallet was in situ. Bentley gives off such an aura of shiftiness those in his company are on high alert over their possessions.

Bentley and I go back a long way. We went to school together and were inseparable pals for years. As six-year-olds, we had our first fight in my gran’s garden, and in our teens, we shared cigarettes behind the bike sheds at school. On leaving school, we took different jobs, and our paths diverged, but they would cross again sporadically as the years passed.

While I’m not entirely innocent — my incursions from the straight and narrow have been occasional and minor — Bentley is a habitual crook who involves himself in all manner of dodgy schemes, and who counts among his associates villains that would be at home within the pages of Oliver Twist. You might say we’re a council estate representation of Jamal and Salim, brothers in the film Slumdog Millionaire.

If you were to count the number of pies Bentley habitually has a finger in, you’d need to include half a dozen of his toes in the total. He deals in…

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Joseph Yossarian
ILLUMINATION

Freelance writer and blogger from the north-east coast of England, specialising in true crime, childhood memories and whatever takes my fancy.