Bergman, Human Resources, And The Measuring Problem
“THE BEST WAY TO ENJOY YOUR JOB IS TO IMAGINE YOURSELF WITHOUT ONE,” — Oscar Wilde
LEISURE IS PLEASURE
DISCLAIMER: The following words are completely unrelated to AI tools, such as ChatGPT. In the interest of parsimony, some liberties are taken.
BERGMAN
Only a handful of artists, like Ingmar Bergman, truly celebrated the beauty and intricacies of the human face. His operatic use of chiaroscuro (The Renaissance painting technique that effectively balanced light and dark), is on par with the successful Italian painter Caravaggio. Each shot is a masterclass in framing faces. It is well articulated in one of his finest works, ‘PERSONA’.
But wait, why am I talking about Bergman? Cinema has nothing to do with what I have to tell you, even though the incidents are dramatically intense. Persona is not the Bergman movie that will move us forward here. It is his 1957 classic ‘The Seventh Seal’ that will prompt our story. It tells the story of a medieval knight who plays chess with death for his survival. Artists are relevant across ages, and if their works are not aging like a fine wine, his/her/their artistic credentials are questionable. On the 29 of June 2023 at about 3:30 pm, Bergman proved his credentials exclusively for me, and again on July 3rd, 2023, he got reincarnated in my consciousness.
I used to work for an ed-tech company that used 18th-century technology to educate 21st-century children. There was neither education nor technology. The venture, which was once the dark horse of the startup sector, turned into a jade abandoned, overlooked, and blamed by the entire education sector. The air plummeted with the wild cry of employees being laid off. Managers and employees played a game of hide and seek. Ta..da… I found you, gonna lay you off. The Muskian model of firing without Prior notice was being followed here too. But the management was firing and hiring simultaneously and hence they proved ‘jackasses forever’. I knew I was playing the 9th symphony on a sinking ship, therein was anticipating the inevitable exeunt.
JUNE 29th, 3:30 pm
To comprehend what occurred on that day, understanding how the company functions is crucial. READ DILIGENTLY!
I work online and start around 2 pm. An employee, at most, has to deal with six batches of students, each pertaining to one hour. Some days, you have the privilege of the co-operation department of the nation- nothing much to do. Random assignment of sessions achieved this, resulting in heavy-duty labor for another hapless tutor.
On that day, I was a Sarkari babu. Consequently, another person was feeling the heat. The leisure didn’t give me any pleasure. Colleagues were pelting text messages — “Hey, did you hear … so and so got a subjectless mail from the HR….”; that was followed by shuttle service of texts in Google space — “WHERE ARE MY SESSIONS”, “SOMEBODY ALLOT ME CLASSES”…blah.. blah…
Meanwhile, at about 3:30 pm, I got a mail (without a subject), very subjective to interpretation, leading to extreme palpitations. The source was a senior manager. This deity occasionally appeared during team meetings and therefore I am familiar with him. Yes, you guessed it right, it’s the modern equivalent of Theophany. Deities appear either to bless you with a boon or to curse you. Here, of course, it’s the latter. I nervously waited for the 5:30 pm meeting as stated in the mail. That is when Ms. V came up with a splendid idea. “Why don’t you take an emergency leave and tell them you won’t attend the meeting? Mostly, your reporting manager won’t have any clue about the layoffs. You may slip off their target list once the layoff is over. “
“That is an exceptional idea”, I felt sorry that I hadn’t appreciated her enough for all these periods. Following the instructions to heart, I wrote a beautiful human-generated mail to rival generative AI. My stance was that I wouldn’t be there at the meeting.
“Let him do a meeting with himself… ha.. ha”
But the universe had strange plans (as it has nothing else to do but root for karma). A mail had already started its journey from the senior manager’s computer. It rushed and crawled through the internet traffic to pop out on my screen after half an hour. It read -MEETING IS CANCELLED, WILL CONDUCT IT LATER.
No trace of happiness or relief in me. This is when I remembered what death told the knight, “Now I will leave you. When we meet again, you and your companions’ time will be up”. Yes, my time is up….. time is up.
A guitar string got plucked and sent my eardrums ringing (Detective Byomkesh Bakshi’s Chase in Chinatown). I picked up my phone
“hello … ****** got laid off”, V was hissing out on the other side.
“Hold on, I need a moment to process what you just said. THE SM who was about to fire me got deep fried?”
Ha ha… someone assigned agent SM the license to kill S OO7, but SM was manhandled on the way.
DOUBLE CROSS …. DOUBLE CROSS!
Grinning and giggling led the way to laughter. I slept blissfully on that day.
3rd JULY, 2023
Chase in Chinatown is progressing. Guitar strings are buzzing around the ears. Right hand hook, the alarm stopped; jumped out of the bed — 8: 20 am.
Morning to all, the screen time has started.
When I joined the institution, I had enough anxiety to cram and push through the day. The orientation part was mostly about adding the employees to various social media groups. There were about eight to ten WhatsApp groups, three to four Gmail chats, and two Slack groups. As time passed by, updates came in from both the company and social media platforms. I floated from one group to another, irrespective of my outdated life. Sometimes there were mass migrations from one social media group to another on mood basis of human resources or the top-tier management. Conspiracy groups were hunted down and admins were prosecuted. What transpired was a mass cleansing that occurred. Rebellion was lurking behind the shadows with its tightened teeth and fists. The sheer volume of messages that accumulated was astonishing. I used to search among these trash piles for any important messages applicable to me. Course from WhatsApp to Gmail, from mail to Slack and repeat. The FOMO of work is real- I realized it when I was still checking my phone on a holiday. There is no other stressor like workspace anxiety.
Around 2:30 pm, I got an email from Mr. S. without a subject. Imagine the phantom lamp returning like a boomerang. There were rave discussions about my luck of escaping the eagle eyes. Some reached the conclusion that my manager had saved me and others were of the opinion that the appreciation that I received for my teaching faculties was the reason I was kept. An email proved them all wrong. As soon as I received the email, I hurried to gather all my employment details, payslips, etc. from the employee portal because they would block access within 24 hours of receiving the layoff email. I had already prepared myself to depart. The meeting was at 5:30 pm. Mr. S. would prepare his worthless dialogues. I have established a certain level of familiarity with him. He is one of the senior managers and prior elements of the department. There’s a significant reason S is in my memory. It’s because of his creepy caller tunes. Occasional calls to him are a norm here as I come under his wing of commands. For those innocent people, who are wondering what songs are they?! These are item songs where a woman in skimpy clothes would dance to the tune of a gang of men. The camera angles and the direction are so redundant and dull that the motto is when screen creativity ends, the dance begins. But it’s so influential that when my bedridden uncle asked his grandchild to sing a song for him, the sixth standard guy sang Oo antava.. Oo antava from Sukumar’s PUSHPA: THE RISE. The only relief was that both the singer and the listeners had zero idea about the lyrics. He passed away after three months. Sukumar was a physics lecturer during his early career. What I intended to say is that it’s better to keep a physics graduate employed or else he will screw up your entire life. There is no judgment towards this gentleman, but I had an issue with his ringtone that day. I tried calling him at about 4 pm to confirm the meeting and to poke into the exact situation. I attempted to reach him by phone twice. The world consists of two types of people — those who are passionate about lyrical music, known as lyric nazis, and the others who prefer instrumental music. I rarely pay heed to lyrics. Why? because, do you have to depend on someone else words while you can come up with your own?
Demonstration
take the hit A. R Rahman song ‘ottagathai kattiko gettiyaka otticko….’ (marry the camel and just cling)
I used to belt it out as ‘ottagathai kattiko kettiyone thattikko’ (marry the camel and murder the husband). Later In my early youth, I realised my lyrics were much better and I have no wonder why this lyricist had sexual harassment cases alleged. What a weirdo.
So, if it rhymes, I just hum along.
The caller’s tune was catchy, but I was not in the right mood to enjoy it and my racing mind had decelerated quickly to listen to the lyrics. My mental frustration matched his sexual frustrations.I fully lost it and switched off my phone.
5:30 pm
The screen of my Lenovo v14 14'’ displayed Mr. S’s torso profile. The office computer is a different beast that screams occasionally. I used to run to the regional office to get it sorted. This machine over here is my third companion. Lenovo has exemplary chip technology that has aesthetics and therefore will fetch you a national science award in the ‘still model’ category. The HR smile gradually became visible once he exposed himself to the light filtering through his right window. Marlon Brando has come out of the darkness- Apocalypse Now … Apocalypse Now. Within the depths of my being, I could feel the urge to release a scream that had been building up. He kept a sad face, and I balanced it with a smile.
“Shyam, I would like to know how you are doing. All good?”
“Gd afternoon sir, good and how are you?“
“So, Shyam, I hope you are familiar with the current economic situation that we are going through. Germany is not getting ample natural gases due Russia- Ukraine conflict. The European economy is down but may come up soon. So, resource cutting is happening all over the globe,”
“C’mon man, if you wanna shoot, shoot,”
“Yeah yes sir, I am aware’’.
“Meanwhile, we are also planning to cut down our resources and unfortunately you are one among them. I am really sad to say this, but I can’t do anything regarding the decision of higher management. It’s not based on performance,”
If it’s not based on performance, then it would be Lott-based. I imagined the vice president and senior managers taking a lot. The gambling- ‘vai raja vai’. The outcome, like a Shirley Jackson short story (such as “The Lottery”), had a macabre humor to it.
“Do you have anything to ask?”
“No S, I am okay,”
“I hope you know the further proceedings. It is important that you promptly return all company assets that have been assigned to you. Earlier we had a courier service related to assets but currently, we can’t afford it, so you have to travel to your nearest regional office and deliver in hand,”
This is what you call corporate schadenfreude. After this hell has been unveiled, everything else follows’; as now I have to travel eight hours to Cochin to deliver assets. To make matters worse, they heaped insult upon the existing injury.
“YES…”
“Complete your obligations and hopefully we will meet again soon.”
The main issues the corporations face during an economic slowdown are not productivity or cost cutting. It is, whom we should assign to lay off these so-called resources. Most senior managers have no idea how boring and desperate their acting skills are. Most of Mr. S’s expressions were out of place. I wanted to switch places with him. Companies and conglomerates should hire the employee’s favorite actor or actress to fire them. Therefore, the actors ensure that they deliver appropriate emotions at the right time. I am currently mulling over who would be the most appropriate selection for me. I will go to Fahad Faasil. What a layoff that would be. A layoff is worth your life.
But since the layoff had already happened, I just came back to my senses and downloaded some EPFO details from my employee portal. That’s it, nothing more, nothing less. I shut down my laptop and arched backward on my chair. The revolving chair was a gift from my aunty, so as not to hurt my back due to long sedentary hours. I could hear my mother downstairs. Utensils forcefully smashed in the kitchen, resembling two heads colliding. As I moved forward, the icy touch of the ground was unmistakable at every step. My right hand caressed the stair railings. Landing on the ground floor of my house is a rare phenomenon because of the nature of my work. I made my way into the kitchen to see what was cooking. My mother does not switch on lights while working. While I sat at my usual drop point, she asked me, “Did you lose your job”. “How does she know?”. Seasonally she presented such superhero instincts.
“Yes,”
“I knew it was gonna happen soon. Why are you keeping a soar face? It’s all over the news.”
“I need a coffee.”
She had already made one, and while handing it over, she grinned.
“Why are you laughing?”
“There is no more hospitality for the jobless, in this household”
Both of us burst into laughter.
I couldn’t rest wholly, so raced back to my room. The time was just shy of 6:30 pm.
I sneaked into the bed and stared at the roof. Tried listening to some music but I couldn’t focus. I am pissed off. I need revenge.
“But, why?”
Don’t you think it’s better this way, wouldn’t you agree?
I took my laptop changed my CV and applied for a few jobs. Screen time makes me lousy, I can’t help but sleep for some time. When I woke, I could hear my mother hissing the situation to my father. He has just returned from work. While turning my head towards the ceiling, I noticed the patterns on my roof ceilings. Up until now, I haven’t had the chance to observe them. At that moment, I could feel pressure in my mouth. All over my teeth, I could feel the nooks of the metal while I ran my tongue over. It reminded me of the tokens that I have to pay my dentist every month. That’s when I really realized I had lost my job and to remove the braces, I needed to pay another doctor… jeevithame!
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