Best Ways to Break the Habit of People Pleasing..
We often find ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle of ‘People-Pleasing,’ particularly in our professional lives, often without even realizing it.
In this article, I aim to shed light on the challenges of people-pleasing behavior, how to recognize it, break free from its patterns, and ultimately, embrace our authentic selves.
What does People-Pleasing mean?
It is a behaviour of always trying to be nice to others, often prioritizing other people’s wants, needs, and decisions over our own.
What are the impacts of People-Pleasing?
We may think that pleasing others will help us achieve our goals, but this is never true. The only result of pleasing others is losing our own identity. At the outset, we may achieve certain things, but that is not sustainable;
For example, being nice to your boss can bring you certain benefits, but how long can you continue this? Can you change your behavior each time your boss changes? How much stress and pressure does this cause to you?
What are some of the signs of People-Pleasing?
“When you say yes to others, make sure you arent saying no to yourself” — Paulo Coehlo.
Not able to say “No” —
Some examples of this at work are:
- Accepting all the meeting invites, though we know clearly that we cannot make them.
- Committing to extra work, even though wer are not genuinely interested in doing it or do not have the time to do it.
Not able to speak up —
For example, in meetings or other forums, not sharing your views even though you know they are valid.
Not able to decide on own—
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner” — Lao Tzu
Always seek validation or approval from others in every decision that we ought to make at work.
What causes people to please others? How can we overcome them?
Fear of Missing Out —
Humans crave belonging; we want to fit in and not stand out to others. As a result, we prefer to follow what the majority of people say to please most individuals in the organization.
What can we do alternatively?
It’s okay if we are not part of the pack. Leaders see new possibilities and paths and show those to others. Let us be a leader, and let us not shy away from being an odd person in the group to show new ways to others.
Not fully believing in ourselves —
When we do not fully believe in ourselves, we seek confirmation from others. We are afraid to make our own decisions because of the potential consequences.
What can we do differently?
Embrace our complete self. Recognize that everyone has both perfect and imperfect areas. We may use your best areas as strengths and gear up while making decisions. It’s okay if the outcome doesn’t turn out as planned; remember that we learned a valuable lesson and are one step closer to our goals. So, let us own our decisions rather than trying to relying on others to own it.
Putting others on a pedestal —
We tend to believe that others are far superior to us regarding talents, abilities, and experiences. This thought, in the first place, makes us feel hopeless and hinders us from courageously voicing our opinions.
What can we do differently?
Organizational hierarchies exist solely to assign jobs and responsibilities, but they do not define who a person is. Nobody can know everything; someone may be the best at processes, while another excels in technical abilities, and so on. When we realize this and fully believe in ourselves, we are more willing to open up and express our ideas.
Conclusion
People-pleasing behavior is merely a result of our own battles in our minds — am I lower than someone else? Do I know everything? Can I handle this? What if the results are not as expected?
When we ignore these battles and strongly believe in ourselves without second-guessing, we become authentic, and our true identity shines.
