Beyond My Ego: One Thing I Wish I Understood Earlier
Let’s go back for a second and rewind — what causes the sleepless nights, buckets of tears, and self-doubt?
I can’t speak for others, but I’m willing to bet that the answer is I care too much about what people have to say about me.
The answer might be differently framed — someone might say I wish I didn’t say that or what he will think of me now, or how I will look her in the eyes, but the truth is the person on the other side doesn’t give a fuck.
All they care about is themselves, and that’s the truth.
Nobody puts their head on the pillow and thinks to themselves — I wonder how he or she feels? They care about how “I” feel.
And if you don’t believe me — try to remember the last time you didn’t sleep because you were worried about someone else. Here are some examples — you were worried why Paul at your work didn’t get a promotion, why your neighbor Maya can’t figure out what she wants to study, or why James can’t find a job.
Could you remember?
Whenever you put your head on the pillow, you think just of yourself and nobody else. You are no different from 8 billion of us.
There are only a few exceptions I could think of. Mothers’ love or real, genuine friendship, in extreme cases, stands over the ego we all have.
When a child is sick, the doctors don’t know if he will make it through the night. That is an extreme condition when a mother will only think of her child and not for herself.
Another example is when your friend is fighting for his life on the front line of the war, and if you truly care about him, you won’t be able to sleep not because of yourself but because of him.
As I said, these are some extreme conditions. However, on day-to-day basis, it’s in human nature — to think of themselves.
But why it’s so hard to realize that? Unfortunately, I can’t answer that question. I can only try to help you get to that conclusion faster than I did.
I will share my personal experience with the hope that you can take it and apply it to whatever situation you are in.
At the beginning of my professional basketball career, I was one of the last players on the team. Basically, I got zero playing time, which for a young athlete can be very frustrating, so I spent dozens of nights staring at the ceiling, thinking about what a terrible player I was, all the mistakes I was making, how can I please the coach, and about other shit that didn’t help me at all.
What I should have done is realize — that thinking what a terrible player I am will not help me get any better, and if it will do something — it will harm my performance the next day because of lack of sleep.
Secondly, nobody cares about my turnovers besides me, it is part of the game, and if you are scared to make mistakes, then you should not play basketball.
Thirdly, I shouldn’t have cared at all about pleasing the coach. I should have understood that getting to the next level takes a lot of work and patience. Therefore, if I do all the right things, sooner or later success will come inevitably.
When you are in the process, it’s hard to look from aside and make your decisions without adding emotions, but I think that is a skill we all should try to master.
So the next time you stare at your ceiling ask these questions:
Will thinking about it will make it any better?
Does anyone else care about it, or it’s just me?
Try to put reason behind everything and take your emotions out of it.
Now you might think to yourself — okay, I’ve realized that it is in human nature to think just about themselves, and so I shouldn’t care less about what others think. However, It doesn’t help me, and it’s not very practical.
This is why, I want to share one practical tool that has helped me tremendously when I tend to overthink and doubt myself. This tool won’t solve the problem at its core, but you can apply it when you need to shift your thoughts and focus elsewhere.
This practice is called Yoga Nidra. Yoga Nidra is a meditation practice to help you fall asleep easier or relax during the day.
Honestly, I have never liked the idea of meditation. However, I found Yoga Nidra very useful as it helps to shift my attention elsewhere and have a better night of sleep.
I hope you found this blog post educational and applicable to your own life, and if you liked it and want to see more of my content — give me a follow.
