Bragging Derives from Insecurity
There is nothing fancy about ‘negative’ bragging
Bragging may be considered a characteristic of an alpha male or female but in reality, it just shows the insecurity of the person. The need for bragging stems from fear and that fear is a result of some insecurity.
Mental state while bragging
It is not always that a person brags because of insecurity. It is the mental state of the person while praising himself that determines whether the bragging was positive or negative.
- Positive bragging: Positive bragging derives from a great sense of fulfillment. A person has to be incredibly strong inwards to do positive bragging. He doesn’t need the appreciation of the person to whom he is bragging. The main reason behind positive bragging might be that the person wants to inspire the other person without taking any appreciation for himself.
Example: Ram grew up in a nationalist school where he was instilled with hatred against the English language. Thus, he was uncomfortable writing, reading, or speaking in English. Later he worked upon himself and removed all the hatred against the language. He eventually became a prolific writer and wanted to inspire others. He would, in turn, brag that he is able to write a thousand-word article in less than an hour but his intention behind making the statement is to inspire others to follow his path and become more free and happy person who doesn’t have hatred against any language. This form of bragging can be termed positive bragging.
Whenever Ram does positive bragging his heart rate doesn’t rise and he doesn’t get aggressive. He is as calm as he is in any other situation as there is no need for him to derive a sense of appreciation from the others. His motive is pure and that makes all the difference.
- Negative Bragging: When a person wants to derive a sense of superiority from any statement then that can be termed as negative bragging. Whenever a person is happy he will have no need to do negative bragging. It is only when he has the need to prove to others is when he will become anxious and aggressive. In this aggressive and restless state of mind, he will brag.
Negative bragging will not have a positive impact on the other person. People see through each other and would sense the intention behind someone doing negative bragging.
Example: Shyam is also a prolific writer but has several insecurities. As a child, he was harassed by several of his classmates and had fear instilled in his subconscious mind in relation to all those incidents. Once he met a person Aaron whose characteristic was like one of a bully. Shyam became anxious and tried to prove to Aaron that he is successful by bragging about writing a thousand-word article in less than an hour. Though his statement was exactly the same as that of Ram (from the earlier example) but this time the bragging was derived from a sense of fear and insecurity. Such a form of bragging can be termed negative bragging.
Negative bragging is done more to satisfy the ego of the person and has little to do to inspire the other person to improve upon themselves. It serves no positive purpose and is something that should make a person do some self-analysis.
How do you overcome negative bragging?
The process of catharsis and refinement of the inner child are two effective techniques to overcome the root of the negative bragging problem. Through catharsis, one can remove the emotional charge associated with incidents that caused fear in the person. Later refinement of the inner child would help the person transform his belief that was earlier responsible for creating the fear in the first place.
Example: Shyam applied the process of catharsis to the situation in middle school where the bully harmed another person and Shyam was a witness to it. Shyam felt at that time that if he weren’t aggressive then the bully may have harmed him as well. This incident from childhood was triggered when Shyam was talking to Aaron since Aaron had similar characteristics as his bully.
After removing the emotional charge, Shyam analyzed the situation. He found that in middle school he was having multiple conflicting beliefs that caused him to be always tensed. A tensed Shyam did not exude confidence and hence had to rely upon aggressiveness to thwart away the bully. But Shyam had recently worked upon all his major conflicting beliefs and became a more confident person. He thus transferred the confidence to his inner child in middle school and make it believe that the bully would in fact praise him rather than harm him. This transformation of the inner child made Shyam not have feelings of anxiety thinking about the incident and hence his healing was complete.
Bragging is not always negative. In fact, one must strive to do positive bragging as it shows that one does not have any ego and at the same time want to inspire others. People who do negative bragging should apply the process of catharsis and refinement of the inner child to go to the root of the problem. In most cases, it is some insecurity guarded by some fearful incident from the past. Overcoming the negative impact of the fearful incident and then changing the belief, one can transform from being a negative bragger to a positive bragger. But ultimate glory would come when a person has no need of bragging and can remain in silence. But until that state is reached one can simply try to transform himself from being a negative bragger to becoming a positive bragger. The process would involve self-transformation and would help create a better version of yourself.