Yes, You Always Have a Choice
Here’s how to end complaining, even when you think life is spiraling out of control.
Complaining has been at epic levels way before COVID-19 hit town. The weather, traffic, poor service, slow WiFi, long queues all add up to the endless list of modern-day gripes. In fact, an average person complains around 15–30 times a day. Yet many are completely unaware of how they grumble.
Here are some interesting findings from a UK study about our complaining habits.
- 1 in 3 complained less during the weekend.
- 1 in 5 respondents admitted to blocking out people who whinged about first-world problems.
- 40% complained more as adults compared to when they were kids.
- 45% of people waited until they got home to complain in private.
While some of these complaints are more out of habit than merit, some could, in fact, be well-founded. But when it escalates into chronic complaining, that’s when you know that something needs to change.
The cost of frequent ranting
Of course, complaining could help relieve stress, but only up to a certain point. Constant complaining, on the other hand, could elevate stress and anxiety and affect your happiness and sense of well-being. It could even lead to physical health issues and affect your memory, sleep, blood pressure levels, and digestion.
It can also be contagious. We all know what it’s like being around a chronic complainer. Ceaseless ranting could cause others to complain as well and increase stress levels for everyone.
And it doesn’t stop there. Chronic complaining could severely disrupt life — it can affect relationships, careers, and prevent you from achieving your life goals.
Yet, why do we still complain?
There are many reasons for the constant complaining. Most people vent because of worries and fears. Financial security, for instance, is one of the most common triggers.
Some complaint to draw attention, seek validation for their opinions, or to demonstrate their high standards. Then there are those who use it to divert attention.
For some people, it’s a habit that has risen out of constant negativity. They are the ones who will complain about the warm summers and the cold winters.
But we’re missing an important point here.
Complaining is a choice.
Yes, complaining is a choice.
And life is full of different choices. So, you just need to make the right ones.
There are two types of curveballs that life throws at you — those you can control and those you can’t.
When something’s within your control
When faced with life’s many challenges, it’s easy to feel as if things are spiraling out of control.
But, in fact, many sources of frustration and worry are perfectly within your grasp. They are simply waiting for you to make a choice — you can opt to complain or you can take some action to end your distress. Both are choices, but with dramatically different consequences.
Just think about it.
Unhappy about your health? Then make healthier choices — change your diet, exercise, get enough sleep. Complaining will only make things worse.
Stressed about work? Express your concerns directly to the supervisor or find work elsewhere. Venting at the watercooler could only lead to more discontent, increased stress, health issues, and could even disrupt work performance and severe relationships.
Some of these choices might seem less than perfect. But you just need to weigh them up and make do with what works best given the circumstances.
When things are beyond your control
At times, your complaints could be triggered by things beyond your control, such as the weather, traffic, or even those with more severe consequences like an illness or death.
What choices do you have then? Plenty.
You can still choose to not worry and instead reframe your perceptions.
How we perceive and interpret life and its many actors and moments is highly biased. And it’s often framed by our beliefs, values, and past experiences. In a sense, we create the world we live in, based on our perceptions and the meanings we provide each life encounter.
But we can also change our perceptions and choose how we feel, think, and react. This is exactly what reframing is about. And no one can take away those choices from you.
Focus on the silver line instead of the dark clouds.
The human mind can only focus on one thing at a time. So, let that one thing be hope, positivity, or gratitude when you feel that everything else is beyond your control. You can even choose to let go.
Complaining is definitely easier than taking action. But it doesn’t serve anyone in the long run. There are many other choices that can help you take control of your life and make the best out of each moment.
Life is full of choices, so don’t let them go to waste.
I’m going to leave you with one of my favorite Buddha quotes. To me, it’s again about making choices.
