Can Introverts Shine More Often?
Introversion is one of the most popular personality traits for decades. Popularized by Carl Jung, introverts are typically perceived as more quiet and reserved individual. While around 30 to 50 percent of world population is introverts, nowadays most of society systems put more rewards for behaviors associated with extraversion.
I personally think that it totally makes sense to do so, even though I’m an introvert. Why? Because I think, when we’re giving a reward to one person, we need to have a strong reason, we need to know what are the values brought by that person and the process of knowing those values happens with communication, where mostly introverts need to put more effort than extroverts.
The key here is the words put more effort, which means that introverts can do the same what extroverts can do. But, how? Lately, I found two interesting books: Quiet and Grit. These two books provide me new perspectives on how to be a better introvert. Here is what I learned.
Introversion and extraversion are not binary
Most people think that introversion and extraversion are absolute. It’s like once you’re born introverts then you’ll be introverts for every minute for the rest of your life. Actually it’s not working that way. It’s true that introverts are often switched on in a low stimulation environment while extroverts are the opposite. However, introverts can also shine in a high stimulation environment, with practice.
If I could make an analogy of it. A person that born and live in a place with a thick oxygen level can go to the top of a mountain which has a thin oxygen level. But… this person will die if she/he runs directly to the top for the first time. That’s why practices are needed.
Practice to be an extrovert by 1 minute, take a rest, repeat
That person will die if she/he runs directly to the top of the mountain. So, the more proper way to do it is by moving step by step and take a breath when it’s needed. After I know the fact that introversion is not absolute, I started to do some experiments within my work-related area.
A few years ago, as a typical software engineer in a small-sized team, my day to day activities would be consists of 70–80% of coding and 20–30% of meeting and collaboration. I recall that time is my highly comfortable working day, with just 1–2 meeting(s) tops per day. As I grow together with the company, I started to fill in a more senior role in a medium to large-sized team.
At this point, my day to day meeting and collaboration is getting more intense where I’ll need to talk more to collaborate with my own team, cross-division team, and the external party. This is when I started to practice how to be an extrovert for a while and take a rest when it’s needed. Starting from trying to be more proactive and speak up during the meeting, giving talks in some events, to the most challenging for me, which is to engage my own team as a leader.
To be honest, those practices are not easy for me, even until today, but at least I’m getting a little bit closer to the top of the mountain with a thin oxygen level to see the stunning sunrise.
What can help with the practice?
Here is what works best for me during my practices:
Put the focus on the right thing
In my early day of practice, I often have some doubts during the collaboration time. “Does this statement fit with the situation?”, “Is it a stupid question to ask?”, “Is this the best solution for the problem?”, and many others. It’s maybe because I’m an introvert, I tend to observe and think through things. Later in my practice, I realized that these doubts are my distraction and I started to think what’s the worst thing that will happen if I provide the wrong statement. Maybe there’s a tiny chance that I’ll be fired, but at least it’s not the end of my life. So I started to think like this:
Does this statement fit with the situation?
It’s okay if it’s not, my teammates will just make a joke out of it.
Is it a stupid question to ask?
My teammates will always answer or clarify the question.
Is this the best solution for the problem?
I only need to provide the best solution that I can think of, and my teammates will watch my back in case there’s a hole in my solution.
These kinds of thinking reduce the distraction and allow me to spend more time to assess the problem, to focus on what’s the value I can deliver to others, and finally to be more proactive during collaboration time.
Convey the value with a comfortable approach
I don’t always have a clear picture right away when collaborating with the team. Consequently, I may not be able to proactively explain my perspective on the spot during the discussion. So what I usually do is continue to observe and raise questions as much as I need and finally tell my teammates that I’ll think it through first and get back with something after the meeting. After the meeting, I’ll try to come up with an email, chat, visualization, or even a follow-up invitation to discuss more. This approach helps me to take a quick breath and get back on the game with more values that can be delivered.
Be gritty
In my experience, this kind of skill will need quite some time to master regardless of having the talent as a quick learner or not. That’s why grit is important. Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. It’s sticking with the goals and working hard to be better than yesterday. In this case, the goal is to be able to communicate and deliver the value that we have to others. We’ll need to practice a lot, day in, day out, and finally getting more comfortable collaborating with others.
I’m not saying that extroverts are better than introverts or the other way around. My point is, both have something they do best, and introverts can shine as bright as extroverts in communication or expressing values, while extroverts can also do the same in observation or catching values.
As a dessert:
“Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.” ~Angela Duckworth
Is it piece of cake? In my personal experience: BIG NO. I’m still struggling and keep practicing on mastering this skill even after I’ve learned the theory for quite some time. Most of the time, it will be extremely hard to cross the river between introversion and extraversion. But it’s okay, let’s take as many time as we need, as many trial and error as we need.
