Carmen Maria Machado’s “Inventory”; The Beautiful Language of an Erotic Tale
“Inventory” is about a woman’s journey, the protagonist and narrator of this story, who seemingly recounts her sexual experiences of days gone by. The lovey language emphasizes the grappling of emotions she goes through having multiple lovers who may never have been such in the first place. I believe she is fantasizing about her sexual life to pass the time of escaping from the virus on her island.
“I took off my shirt, and I felt like a drop of water was sliding up my spine.” (Machado 2) this was the first line that showed me I was gonna enjoy this story yes her losing her virginity was beautiful and all but really I enjoyed the wordplay she used to describe the sex, a poem in story format, lovely. She is fairly simple in her speech not using intellectual or considerably difficult language to write about how these sexual experiences happened in her life, she uses simple and plain words in eloquent and slightly confusing ways that can confuse but if understood also portray the beauty in her style and tone.
Speaking of, she sounds sad and slightly disinterested in telling these stories, like she has told them many times before, and is only telling the important parts that matter to her. Instead of focusing on the sexual acts depicted in each paragraph she focuses on the way these experiences impact her and change her way of life, a very dynamic character. The sex seems to become a story starter to grab your attention and then through the before, during, and after of the sexual experience shapes her emotional and mental state. “When the waitress walked over, she seemed distracted. ‘Do you have people there?’ I asked, and she nodded, her eyes filling with tears. I felt terrible having asked her anything.” (Machado 3) this was after a fantastic night with this woman she met and walked on a beach with smoked with had sex with all the while not knowing what she was trying to escape from and how much it would hurt her too. “One woman. Blond hair, brash voice, friend of a friend. We married. I’m still not sure if I was with her because I wanted to be or because I was afraid of what the world was catching all around us.” (Machado 4). This is when we really see her sexcapade decisions start affecting her. She says she doesn’t know why she married this woman but really the last line tells us she just doesn’t want to be alone in such a trifling time, “I was afraid of what the world was catching all around us.” (Machado 4) she wanted to have someone fight with her thought this epidemic, she wanted a ride or die partner.
The narrator is constantly being motivated by the fear of getting this virus that apparently kills people and in a gruesome fashion that is sweeping the nation as far as the reading tells us. “I caught my reflection in the vanity mirror as I rode him, and the lights were off and our skin reflected silver from the moon and when he came in me he said, ‘Sorry, sorry.’ He died a week later, by his own hand. I moved out of the city, north.” the more I read the more the tone of the story becomes clear. She sounds regretful of these past experiences, she skips the intricate detail in favor of displaying her emotional truth to the reader. She runs, from every problem she has faced, every sexual encounter she is reserved, just waiting for sex, she doesn’t put her full heart into anyone, she is constantly testing the water, and never truly opening up to anyone.
“He had gotten more beautiful in those intervening years, more thoughtful. I surprised myself by crying over the bathroom sink. I ran the tap so he couldn’t hear me.” (Machado 5) this is someone who took her virginity, someone who has lived a similar life as her and has dealt with similar problems, and once again she had sex to fill some type of whole in her heart and as they finished she came to the realization that he had become a better person over the year and she, had stayed the same. She runs the tap to mask her true feelings about herself and moves on to the next situation to distract her. “We kissed deeply for a long time, my heart hammering in my cunt. She tasted like smoke and honey…” “…She asked me to come with them. I tried to imagine myself with her, her flock following behind us like children. I declined. She left a gift on my pillow: a pewter rabbit as big as my thumb.” (Machado 7). Even when she is given an opportunity at happiness she declines it in benevolence to safety over happiness with others, this time the sexual mention in this paragraph is minute and she is still in her twenties.
By her late twenties, she has already found that sex is fun, but someone having your back is even better, and I think that is the thesis I’ve been searching for all along. How much does she value happiness, and does she fight for it? From the proof presented she is too scared to fight for love and chooses fear of sickness over the risk of being with someone who she potentially loves and can potentially love her accordingly.
