CHAPTER 6: I’M ON FIRE
PREVIOUS CHAPTER
Fear is the ultimate propellant to victory. It may sound strange at first, but being scared is the only way to achieve something. Once you’re scared, you have to allow it to overwhelm you, surround you. When it finally enshrouds you in darkness, you will hit rock bottom. Here, you make a decision; stay at rock bottom, or break out of that prison of darkness. Overtime, I was able to break out, and by god, it felt good.
Violet lay beside me, as only a few inches of empty space separated us. I was scared out of my wits, trying my best not to look at her. The room was dimly lit, with the only source of illumination being the small night lamp I used while sleeping. The silence between us seemed to grow louder by each passing second.
“So,” she said, making sure to extend the word.
“Right, um- What do you want to listen to?” I asked, as fished for my phone from my pocket.
She cheekily replied, “You’re the DJ, not me.”
I opened the music app on my phone, and began to play a Bruce Springsteen song on repeat.
“Sounds, old school,” Violet remarked.
“Its a Springsteen song, “I’m on Fire.” One of his softer tunes,” I replied.
“I see,” said she.
We lay there listening to Springsteen’s husky voice, staring at the dark ceiling, as we became aware of the space around his. Violet managed to break the ice.
“Sitting in darkness all by yourself is, a whole new thing entirely,” she remarked.
“Y-you’re not by yourself,” I replied.
“I am, did you forget that you’re a twig? Twigs don’t have life!”
She managed to get another small laugh out of me. At the same time, a dreadful feeling started creeping into me. It was not just fear, but something different, a mixture of different emotions. All these feelings created a terrible conflict inside me, as each one fought to gain control over different territories of my heart. Courage and Fear were engaged in a fierce duel, while the armies of Confidence fought against the minions of Anxiety. Meanwhile, the Brain tried its best to negotiate a ceasefire, as any further damage could result in my bodily functions shutting down. This left me in a condition where I was unable to form coherent sentences, let alone move around.
The fierce conflict in my mind was disrupted, when Violet opened her mouth to speak.
“You know, I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a long time now.”
“Wh-what?” was all my poor mouth could manage to say.
“I wanted to say just how grateful I am for meeting you. Ever since I saw you at that exhibition, I had a feeling you were different. Turns out, you were much more than that,” said she. The war in my heart stopped momentarily, as all forces intently listened to her.
“I never thought I’d meet someone as patient as you. That’s one thing I admire about you. You never lose your cool. Even when I make those god awful jokes, you laugh along. Even if I bore you to death at times with art history, you listen,” she chuckled, “even if its the middle of the night.”
I remained quiet, as Violet continued, “I could go on and on about how passionate you are about the things you do, even if its an assignment, or comic books, movies, whatever. I like that about you.”
PEACE AT LAST! The warring emotions laid down their weapons and rushed to hug each other-
“But,” she said, as my heart sank. Conflict was going to begin again, “You can be an utter idiot sometimes. You’re super grumpy and quite frankly, don’t know how to express your feelings. You can be like a bottle that’s been shut for a hundred years. Not to mention, you don’t know how to take help from people.”
The warring emotions were now lashing out at each other without their weapons. The headquarters of the Brain was in utter dismay and chaos.
“But then again,” Violet continued, “you may be an idiot, but you’re my idiot, and a pretty cute one at that.”
Silence echoed throughout the battlefields. My mouth fumbled, as it spoke, “C-cute?”
“Yes, cute. Its a four letter word. C,U,T,E,” she replied. I was grateful that it was dark, for she could not see that I had turned red. At this point, all the emotions had laid down their arms, as they eagerly waited to see what would unfold in the coming moments.
“You always ask me why I act like a child at times. You know, I always believed the children are the best at being children and are at their happiest, whenever they are out playing on a sunny day. I think it gives them hope, comfort and makes them feel safe,” she paused, as her voice got softer, “And guess what? You’re my ray of sunshine Robin Hastings.”
I remained quiet, and the same silence echoed through my body. It felt like peace had finally been achieved, but at the same time, something was missing, which prevented harmony from entering my body. Violet started to inch closer towards me, until our shoulders slightly touched. I felt like my insides were about to burst.
Then, I managed to do the unthinkable, as the heart started to take control over my actions. I started moving my hand closer, towards her hand. With extreme care, I placed my palm on hers. I thought she wouldn’t hold me back, but she did.
Violet gripped my hand tightly as we interlocked our fingers. Her skin was the softest, as I felt the velvet texture of her hand, rubbing against my coarse skin. Without saying much, we started to trace the edges of each other’s hands. She carressed my fingers as though she was touching a flower. I moved my fingers back and forth on the palm of her hand, and I could hear her delight. The missing piece was found, as harmony took hold.
Meawhile, Violet had completely stopped her chatter. The cheery, wise-cracking girl I once knew had completely melted.
Unafraid, I whispered as softly as I could, “This feels nice, doesn’t it?”
“It does, my darling,” she replied. Wait, did she just call me, ‘darling’!? I had never been called that in my life. I felt a relieving pang in my chest. I wanted more. I wanted her to call me that a million times over.
“Can you say that again?” I asked.
“Say what?”
Hesitantly, I said, “That word. That ‘D’ word.”
She laughed softly, as she crept closer towards me. I could fell her warm breath on my ear, as our hands remained interlocked.
“You’re my darling Robin. You have been my adorable darling for quite a while now,” she whispered, tightening her grip on my hand.
I smiled in the darkness. All the while, Springsteen's song continued to play. The lyrics mirrored how I felt during that moment, and I felt proud to have chosen such a song.
“I don’t think we’re enemies anymore, are we?” I asked, as I turned to face her. Even though the room was dimly lit, I could make out her immaculate features. Those dark, hazel eyes, her freckled cheek, all radiated through the darkness.
“No, my darling,” she replied, as I felt another pang in my chest.
“So what are we then?” I asked, as I eagerly awaited her answer.
She looked straight into my soul with her eyes, as I was overwhelmed by joy. Then she shook my world with just one word, a word that remained with me throughout my life.
“Together,” she said, “We’re together Robin.” She let go of my hand for a brief moment and held her little finger out.
“Pinky truce?” Violet asked. I quickly held her finger with mine and said, “Pinky truce it is.”
She shot me with that smile. The same evergreen smile. The smile that had set a fire to my heart, and brought hope into a barren world.
