Charley Cancels Christmas
You better watch out, you better not pout… you better vote.
Topeka, Kansas
October 23,
For immediate release.
In a proclamation issued by King Charles, a cease and desist order has been issued for all Christmas celebrations — parties, dances, dinners, get-togethers, any public displays of Christmas cheer. All Christmas trees are to be burned. Any outdoor lighting to be removed. All Christmas presents to be returned for partial credit. No carols will be sung, no Christmas music played, no Santas, no elves, no reindeer. Christmas has been banned. Official explanation to follow.
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[Editor’s note: In lieu of an official explanation, King Charles granted an interview with our reporter. What follows is the approved edit of that interview.]
Reporter: Thank you for taking time from your busy schedule to talk to me and our readers. How are you? It’s been an interesting year.
King Charles: It sure has. Who would’ve thought?
Reporter: Indeed. How does one address you, officially?
King Charles: I am Chairman of the Board of the United States of America.
Reporter: So, Mr. Chairman?
