Compassion Fatigue Does Not Exist
While in my studies in counselor education, professors often talk about “compassion fatigue.” I’ve struggled with this concept since the beginning of my schooling because while “compassion fatigue” might sound legit, diving into it deeper brings up more questions and gives reason to pause.
Can you ever be too compassionate? Can you ever have too much empathy?
If the answer is yes, then we have to believe that compassion and empathy are finite. Once they run out, there’s not any more to give. And if that were true, that would also have to mean that you would need to “spread out” your compassion amongst those in your life because you only have so much to give. This idea is strongly believed within the medical and mental health community- that there is a “cost to caring,” and it’s called “compassion fatigue.”
Caring for someone can be exhausting. That’s never been in question. However, giving someone empathy and compassion is not the root cause of exhaustion. When we experience burnout and feel tired, annoyed, and insensitive, the issue is not giving too much empathy or compassion. It signifies that we are not taking care of ourselves. This can come in many forms, such as not regulating our emotions, a lack of self-care, and a lack of boundaries. Canadian physician Gabor Mate explained, “If you don’t have boundaries, you don’t have self-empathy.”
See, to pin the issue on having too much empathy or compassion completely misses the mark. We cannot have “too much” empathy or compassion, but to say it this way sounds a lot better than saying, “We aren’t taking care of ourselves.” This distinction is important for finding helpful ways to manage stress and burnout in relation to caring for others.
Does compassion and empathy cause us to be tired?
Neurologists have not been able to find evidence to support the idea that compassion and empathy cause one to be tired. In fact, researchers have found the opposite. It can rejuvenate people.
If compassion and empathy did cause one to be tired, then the sensible solution would be to care less and have less empathy. This is a problematic and misleading solution. We all know the world would greatly benefit if people had more compassion and empathy. Gabor Mate explained that compassion and empathy are in our nature and questions, “Why would we get tired of being in our nature?”
Some of the most compassionate and truly empathetic people I know are those who hold strong boundaries in their relationships and prioritize self-care. They understand that they can hold boundaries and have compassion. That they can take care of themselves and give someone empathy. They also recognize their limitations in being able to help others. They understand that they do not need to take on someone’s problems as if they were their own, and they give genuine support without overidentifying with someone else.
Vicarious Trauma vs. Compassion Fatigue
Vicarious trauma may be confused with compassion fatigue and is often used interchangeably. A distinction between the two is important. According to the American Counseling Association, vicarious trauma refers to “what counselors may have from working with people as they are hearing their trauma stories and become witnesses to the pain, fear, and terror that trauma survivors have endured.” The root cause of vicarious trauma has nothing to do with having “too much” empathy or compassion. This is why compassion fatigue should not be used interchangeably with these types of terms.
The term “compassion fatigue” is a misleading word that promotes an inaccurate narrative. The definition of compassion fatigue also does not empower people to continue being kind to each other. It can sometimes be used as an excuse to be less than kind and withhold compassion. If we identify with the term “compassion fatigue,” I encourage all of us to ask ourselves honestly if we are setting boundaries and taking care of our own needs, not if we are being “too” compassionate. The answer would shed light on key areas in our life we might not have seen before.
Originally posted on https://thecalmascent.wordpress.com/.
