Humor Series: CME

Coronal Mass Ejection: Existential Threat from Methanogenic Cattle

Bill Petro
ILLUMINATION
4 min readMay 31, 2024

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Coronal Mass Ejection from our Sun, with Earth to scale (not actual size). Image credit: NASA

Coronal Mass Ejections (CME) are plasma and magnetic field explosions from the Sun’s corona. When aimed at Earth, they trigger geomagnetic storms, affecting infrastructure in near-Earth orbit and on the surface. These storms can disrupt various systems, such as electric power grids, GPS navigation, and Netflix.

Climate scientists have finally recognized an unprecedented existential threat to the Earth, as evidenced by the recent ejection of coronal mass from our Sun, all due to the insidious increase in bovine flatulence. For too long, our climate scientists focused only on climate changes on the Earth; thankfully, they have taken their gaze off the ground and finally turned their eyes to the skies. Our Sun is in trouble. And that means all of us are in trouble.

All too often, the uninformed citizen has been concerned only with carbon dioxide emissions from the tailpipes of their automobiles. But now, the whiff of danger from methane has warned us, almost too late.

In 2019, 590 million tons of methane were released globally. According to the Global Methane Assessment published in 2021, methane emissions from livestock (including cattle) are the largest sources of agricultural emissions worldwide. Enteric fermentation by…

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Bill Petro
ILLUMINATION

Writer, historian, technologist. Former Silicon Valley tech exec. Author of fascinating articles on history, tech, pop culture, & travel. https://billpetro.com