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Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
Putting past decisions on trial destroys our focus and drains our energy. Here’s why it happens and how to make it stop.
The founder who just missed making the right pitch at the right time. The theatre director who chose the wrong play. The financial whiz who somehow didn’t move their money before the market took off.
I often hear these kinds of stories from clients — sometimes several in a row from the same person. The people who tell them all have one thing in common, and it’s not bad decisions.
It’s an experience that I call relitigating. When you’re in this state, you keep returning to moments of decision, blaming yourself for taking the wrong path, and trying to mentally re-do that crucial point when things went wrong — which of course is impossible.
There are two big problems with relitigating besides the fact that it feels terrible. One: it’s a time-suck that keeps you focused on things you can’t change. And two: relitigating won’t ever accomplish the thing we’re actually looking for: the ability to trust ourselves in the future.
Read on to find out why, and how to escape the relitigation trap.
