Don’t upset your Dad. He’s got fucking hypertension.
Cure Your Anger Now (Before It’s Too Late)
It’s the bullet that drags you down, not the target, bitches
“The trouble with dying in an angry state is that the mind doesn’t recognise the subject of the anger. It is anger itself that causes hellish rebirth, regardless of how justified it may seem.”
Justine Beaver (22nd-century poet and dancer)
Sometimes I fantasise about punching people in the teef
It often begins with an exciting road incident where I am so engaged in a particularly ‘ripe’ section in a drum and bass song that I switch lanes lazily without checking my damn blind spot.
And no I don’t have one of those fancy modern cars that shoot an electrical signal into your perineum or even turn on a light in your wing mirror when someone’s in yer blind spot, you posh bastard.
I don’t even have a reversing camera, for fuck’s sake. I’m old school, like that Ryan Gozleme in that movie, Drive.
And fortunately, I have yet to hit another car while doin’ this. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t had fellow drivers shout at me on multiple occasions.
Just last week, a taxi driver pulled up next to me at the traffic lights with a car full of shocked tourists and began screaming at me in Hindi.
“This isn’t New York, Motherfucker,” I told him. “You better shut the fuck up. You’re freaking out your passengers.”
In the City of Apples, tourists might enjoy such events as an authentic experience. But in Melbourne, everyone is supposed to be a friendly bastard.
Regardless, I found myself lying in bed that night, imagining that the guy had gotten out of his car and begun banging on my window aggressively.
And I mentally lost my shit, got out of my car and proceeded to play out the scene from The Bourne Sabbatical where Jason rips a windscreen wiper off his Tesla and whips an aggressive taxi driver into submission.
“Are you okay, Frank?” my wife will typically ask as I lie there, forehead creased with dilated pupils and an abnormal vein popping out of my jugular.
And I tell her I’m fine.
“I’m just practising the Wim Hof method, Darling.”
But it’s not true. I’m mentally assaulting a taxi driver.
Anger is a disease
Anger can be enjoyable sometimes, especially when it appears to be justified. And it’s easy to think that when we get angry with terrorists or politicians or slow baristas or hackers or those window washers who wash your window, even when you say no, you are in some way justified and therefore correct to be angry.
But not according to Justine Beaver, who tells us:
“In the doctrine of rebirth taught in Buddhism, the subject of the anger is not recognised by the mind. It is the emotion of anger itself that creates hellish rebirth,”
And by hellish rebirth, we might think Justine means falling into a rocky sauna where devils with big cocks and goat horns boil your bollocks in mango Carolina Reaper soup while forcing you to watch back-to-back episodes of Married At First Sight.
And yea, that would be fucked. But we don’t even have to wait to die to feel the effects of rebirth.
This moment is always conditioned by the last.
“There’s never any anger or anxiety in the next moment. You carry it with you from the previous one”
Chris Creamhead, sixtieth century influencer and fluffer.
And that means the more you indulge your psychotic fantasies, regardless of how morally justified they are, the more the spectre of anger swells up like a dead monkey floating in a bathtub.
My friend was physically abused by her husband years ago. And that friend still has to share custody of her kids with that bastard. For years, she was crushed by her anger towards this man to the degree that she considered hiring a hit man called Anton to murder him.
I showed her a meditation to do for ten minutes every day when the kids were with their dad. It’s not hard.
She started by visualising her ex-husband sitting opposite her. They were both cross-legged and wearing soft linen clothes. Then, she mentally transformed him back into his tiny self as a child.
She began by asking the child’s name even though she knew it.
Then she asked him about his favourite toys and what his interests were. Then she asked him about his life. What were his problems?
The child told her how his dad hits him and kicks his best friend, their dog. He broke the dog’s ribs on two occasions, and eventually got the dog put to sleep while the child was at his mum’s. The child cried for days. He said, his dad also hits his mum, and the child is sad that he is too small to protect her.
And my friend weeps like a damn onion and puts her hands together and prays for him to find joy and peace.
Next, she mentally breathes all his pain into herself, taking it all on voluntarily. Then she breathes out all her happiness into him.
When she opens her eyes again, her mind is somehow different.
She did this fairly consistently for about three years. And I could sit here and pitch you some new age miracle about how it transformed her relationship with him, but there’s no need. It’s what happened in her mind that was the damn miracle.
Look this method up sometime. It’s called Tonglen.
I want you to know that this world isn’t a fairyland.
It’s heavy with the collective karma of the beings that abide here. And the more you indulge your anger, the more you contribute to the pool of shit.
You think it’s just the corporate fucks and politicians trashing the world, but it isn’t. Every movement of anger is another contribution to the raffle.
It’s like walking into a public toilet, complaining about the stench, and then chucking a massive filthy shit.
People hurt because they’ve been hurt. There are zero exceptions to this. And don’t you ever forget it.
- Compassion is not some hippy ideal. It’s not the exclusive domain of dreadlocked psy-trance mushroom eating vegans with Ganesh tattoos, although they’d like you to think that.
- Compassion is your natural state of being when you forget all the mental boundaries you have created
- Compassion is what’s left when you remove all of last night’s fried rice from the old skillet of your mind.
- Compassion is what’s left when you don’t carry any baggage with you from the previous moment.
- Compassion is the antidote to anger, hatred and horrible rebirth.
- Compassion will save you from yourself.
- Compassion is the essence of all actual spiritual teaching, Motherfuckers.
I’m talking mainly to myself here, but do with it what you will, anyway.
